Crying Over Nothing

Mrs wife is crying.

Mr husband asked her what was wrong you know how some women can be sometimes.

The things they won't cry about in their father’s house or when they were living alone as spinsters, the moment they get married and find someone who loves them and cares about their well-being, they pile on the pressure and turn themselves into crying crabs.

Mr husband did not know why Mrs Wife was crying inconsolably.

He asked her for hours what the problem was Mrs Wife kept sulking.

Eventually, Mrs Wife said she was not getting the kind of marriage she wanted.

Mr husband asked her to explain what she meant by that Mrs wife said while she was growing up, she saw how her parents would put resources together, plan and then achieve a goal together. They both were members of Cooperatives and would get loans to buy a car or land or pay the rent.

Mrs Wife said she had looked forward to the day when she would be doing the same with her husband but she was shocked that after she got married her husband had never asked her to loan him a penny. He had never sat her down to say how much do you have in your bank account and how much can you raise as a loan.

She would mention a need and he would meet it effortlessly.

She said she felt like she was not contributing anything to the home financially and this bothers her.

Mr husband said this is not a problem, you want to split bills and contribute financially to the family purse so that we can do things together, no problem!

The next month, Mr husband asked for the monthly budget and asked Mrs Wife to contribute 30% of it.

He sent the balance of 70% to her bank account Mrs Wife started crying again.

Mr Husband asked her what was wrong? Mrs Wife said she felt her husband was hiding something from her.

Mr Husband said “Like what” Mrs Wife said “Were you demoted at work? Are you financially okay? Is your business running smoothly? If there is any challenge, tell me. I am not one of those women who you cannot share your challenges with as a man.

This marriage has been so peaceful and goody-filled for about three years that I have to pinch myself several times and ask myself when the bad news will come.

Is the bad news coming now?

Mr husband was confused Why are you asking all these questions?

Mrs Wife, you gave me 70% of the monthly budget and asked me to add the balance of 30% to it.

This has never happened before and what woman wouldn’t worry when she notices such a drastic change in the family’s finances?

Mr Husband said “You cried last month that you want to split bills and share financial responsibilities with me” I promised you we would start this month… Mrs Wife laughed and said “No pls, not this way. You have more than enough and you have always given me more than enough, it will not be a good thing to start giving me just a percentage when you are capable of giving me more than enough”.

Mr Husband laughed and sent Mrs Wife the balance of 30%.

He understood that what Mrs Wife was dealing with was the difference between idealism and reality. This was how I wanted it versus this is how I have it.

There are many who see peace and joy as an illusion. They are afraid if they get used to joy or peace, they will lose their guard and a sudden calamity will befall them so even amid plenty and abundance, they are always on guard. They say things like “I know a reality check is coming” “I know it cannot continue like this, we cannot take the good and not take the bad”, “I am only saying that life is a bed of roses and roses comes with thorns“.

I am just asking God to give me the grace to deal with the thorns when they come” Fear is the silent whisper behind mindsets such as this. When Mr Husband met Mrs Wife, it was on a flight out of Paris to Jordan. Mrs. Wife was a single lady who was benefitting from a government sponsored amnesty programme to Jordan.

Mr husband was a businessman who deal with planes and aviation equipment. They struck up a conversation on the flight and discovered they were both staying at the same hotel. They became fast friends and before that weekend was over, they were both sure they would be married to each other.

It was the most unexpected twist in both their stories.

Mr husband was not looking for a wife at that time for personal reasons.

Mrs Wife was just embarking on a government sponsored programme and was supposed to live abroad for the next four years.

On the day Mr husband would leave Jordan for France, he asked Mrs Wife if she would like to marry him.

Mrs wife, who had never done anything without careful consideration followed her heart and said yes.

They both jumped on the plane back to France, when they got to Mr Husband’s mansion, Mrs Wife discovered that Mr husband’s mother was in his house.

That very evening, Mr husband found Mrs Wife crying in the room “What is the wrong? Why are you crying?” Mrs. Wife said, “You didn’t tell me your mother is living with you, I have always wanted a marriage in which I will have my own space and be alone with my husband without any family member from either side staying with us or in our space”.

Mr husband said “When I travel, my mum comes to this house to keep it running until I return.

She has her own apartment and she would return there in the morning” Mrs Wife said “I didn’t ask you to chase your mother away, I am just unhappy that this was what I met on ground and that I will have to deal with it even before we got married”.

The next morning, Mr Husband’s mother returned to her house.

Mr husband turned to Mrs Wife, “Can you see that you were crying for nothing?” The next crying for nothing episode was after the marriage.

Mrs Wife saw her period and started weeping “Why are you crying?” “I saw my period” “Isn’t that like something you have been seeing since you were a teenager? Why is it making you cry now?” asked Mr husband Mrs Wife, I don’t know what to tell my mother.

She has been stylishly praying for me that I will not miss my first month after marriage to get pregnant. Mr Husband laughed and explained to Mrs Wife that she does not owe anybody any explanation or expectation.

There are too many landmines in life that can make one unhappy, it is unwise to invent imaginary ones just to keep yourself in torment for no reason.

By the third month, Mrs Wife was pregnant.

Another round of crying began “Will I be fat? I don’t want to be pregnant yet. It is too early? Will it be a girl or a boy? Who will do my baby shopping with me? Will someone have to come over and assist me now? I don't want anybody to come and live with us”.

Mr husband had by now gotten used to Mrs Wife’s way of dealing with things.

She panics, reacts and then realizes she had panicked for nothing.

He understands what he is to do at such times, reassure her that everything is fine and then be proven right.

He was however worried that she remained that way even after five years of marriage. He wanted her to change, to become more positive and less fearful, to become more decisive.

Most believers are like Mrs Wife. They had been brought into a life that is already too abundant, all that they would ever need had been provided. All they needed was to enjoy this new life but they are scared.

They are scared the devil was hiding in a corner somewhere waiting to pounce on them in the middle of their joy.

When you hear them praying, you see the fear in the recesses of their souls. They do not know how to relax and enjoy the fullness of the power of God in them.

Fear keeps us from making progress in life.

Indecision keeps us from striking when the iron is hot.

We live our lives in full restraint even though we have been brought into liberty in Christ.

Mrs wife eventually changed How? Her husband was given a contract in Israel and he had to travel without her and the children because they didn’t want to upset the education of the children.

When he was gone, she realized there were tough decisions to be made and she had to make them for the benefit of the family.

In his absence, she had nobody to cry to She “manned up”.

The contract took two years, by the time Mr. Husband returned to France, he met a completely different woman. The difference in her was all positive and Mr Husband believed it wouldn’t have happened if he had not travelled and allowed her take the bull by the horn.

Jesus has done the same for the church. He left that we might thrive as saviours out of Zion.

While some of us are mastering this reality, so many others are acting as if they are helpless when they are not.

The new year is an opportunity to “Christ Up” in all your affairs.

The difference between a prevailing vision and a withering vision is the one running with the vision.

The strength of every vision depends on the character of the individual pushing it.

Always remember this.

PS: I met Pastor James and Pastor Mrs Stella Wilkes in Denmark last year. The illustration above came from the story of their marriage which they shared with me as we discussed the gospel and all the cultural impact the society has had on it over the years.

Mrs. Wilkes built the first church in their community while her husband was away in Israel. She saw drug dealers operating in the community and decided to put up a standard for Christ. She was also the first pastor of the church and with her help the community was able to rid itself of the drug dealers deliberately trying to get the youth in the community hooked on drugs without any form of violence. Her husband said he couldn’t believe his wife would make such decisions and confront evil head on in his absence. He said she never went back to that crying Mrs. Wife character after he returned. I told him his wife had behaved exactly as Jesus expects of every believer.

-GSW-

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