Prevailing Strategies: Self-Control

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls (Proverbs 25:28).

“Temperance” is such an important virtue that needs to be clearly understood. Some Bible versions translate it as “self-control.” However, the full import of its meaning pictures an athlete that has self-discipline because he wants to be the champion. The Greek word is “Engkrateia,” meaning to hold oneself in. Take, for example, an athlete who’s training to create a new world record and is under some strict physical fitness training and diet. At some point, he’s really hungry and tempted to eat something outside his current diet plan but holds himself back! He knows the meal will be detrimental to his physical fitness program; hence he refuses to eat it. He has exercised self-restraint.

Now, God wants you to have this kind of self-restraint and discipline in your life, where you’re able to hold yourself in, and refuse to do anything that’s not consistent with the Word of God. He wants you to take charge of your life. You must exercise the ability to hold yourself in and say “No” when necessary. For example, someone offends you and you’re angry, but you choose instead to let it go and walk on in love. You “held yourself in” from giving the person “a piece of your mind!” You walked with the mind of Christ.

No matter what others do to you; they may spite, revile, or criticize you; hold yourself back from responding in pride, anger or bitterness. In Luke 6:29, Jesus said, “And unto him, that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other….” In other words, hold yourself in; have self-restraint; don’t fight back. Grab yourself from the inside. Perhaps, as a wife or a husband, a lot has happened in your home and you’re on the verge of losing your cool: hold yourself in! Don’t quit that marriage; be patient and remain loving, with the confident assurance that all things work together for good to them that love God, who are the called according to His purpose.

The ability to regulate our impulses and desires is indispensable to success in living and working with others. People with good control over their thought processes, emotions and behaviors not only flourish in school and in their jobs but are also healthier, wealthier and more popular. And they have better intimate relationships (as their partners confirm) and are more trusted by others. What is more, they are less likely to go astray by getting arrested, becoming addicted to drugs or experiencing unplanned pregnancies. They even live longer. Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho summed up these benefits in one of his novels: “If you conquer yourself, then you will conquer the world.”

Self-control is another name for changing ourselves—and it is by far the most critical way we have of adapting to our environment. Indeed, the desire to control ourselves and our environment is deeply rooted in the psyche and underlies human engagement in science, politics, business and the arts. Given that most of us lack the kingly power to command others to do our bidding and that we need to enlist the cooperation of others to survive, the ability to restrain aggression, greed and sexual impulses becomes a necessity.

Social psychologists’ appreciation of the importance of self-control reflects a shift in perspective. Thirty years ago, many of them mistakenly regarded cultivation of self-esteem as a panacea for personal problems and social ills—an honest mistake. High self-esteem is associated with doing well in life, so it was reasonable to assume that a boost would improve people’s lives. When analyzed more closely, the data suggested that self-esteem does not itself lead to success. It is less a cause than an effect. When researchers tracked students over long periods, they found that getting good grades results in better self-esteem later. But having higher self-esteem does not produce stellar report cards. Self-control, however, is the real deal.

Experiments on self-control began in the 1960s with pioneering studies of delaying gratification conducted by Walter Mischel, now at Columbia University. Using a procedure that came to be dubbed the “marshmallow test,” he offered children a choice between immediately getting the white, cylindrical candies (or another of their favorite treats) or else receiving a couple of those same sweets if they could only wait for a while. More than a decade after these early experiments were published, Mischel and his colleagues tracked down the children, by then young adults, and did so again as they entered middle age. The ones who had the most success at resisting temptation at age four went on to be the most successful as adults.

Recognizing the requirement of self-control for well-being, I and others have set about probing the psychological and biological processes underlying it. The findings indicate that the act of opting to not express anger or of choosing to forgo a marshmallow is akin to drawing on a store of energy that gets you through mile 26 of a marathon. As with any source of energy, it becomes depleted over time and needs replenishing. What psychologists have learned about self-control in recent studies may even provide new ideas for treating the seemingly intractable challenges of drug and alcohol addictions.

When you’re enticed by your peers to do something you know you shouldn’t, don’t yield (Proverbs 1:10). Recognize that you’ve got self-control because it’s a fruit of your recreated human spirit. It’s the virtue of someone who’s got a grip over his body, passions, and desires from within. Self-control is the ability to say “yes” to the right things, and “no” to whatever is inconsistent with the God-life. This virtue is already in you as a Christian, but you must let it work.

Self-control is more than just choosing the good over the bad; it’s also about making choices for the best. For example, making the choice to study your Bible rather than watch the late-night movie is exercising self-control. Cutting down on your sleep time so you can wake up early to pray or study your books is also exercising self-control. Perhaps, an urge has arisen within you to give in to the wrong thing or respond negatively to a situation. Jesus is your perfect example of one who exercised self-control: when He was insulted and treated badly by others, He never got even (1 Peter 2:23). Copy Jesus. Say ‘Yes!’ do the right things, and ‘No!’ to everything else that’s inconsistent with the God-nature and life.

Someone once wrote me saying, “How do I get over addictions and compulsions? I keep speaking to them to leave yet I still feel tempted to do the same things. Please help!”

Firstly, you’re supposed to be speaking to yourself, not to addictions and compulsions. Talking to them all year long won’t change anything.

Secondly, you’ve got to add some qualities (such as temperance) to your faith; this will help you gain the mastery over any addiction. The Apostle Paul in Galatians 5:23 lists temperance as a feature of your recreated human spirit, and the word “temperance” comes from the Greek word “Egkrateia,” which means “restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions or desires.” It means to hold oneself in. God wants you to have rule over your spirit, that’s why He put this beautiful quality in your spirit to make you fruitful always.

No Christian should say, “Well, I can’t control my desires” or “I can’t help myself sometimes.” Rather, he should exercise control over his spirit. To do this, all you say to yourself is: “I’ve got self-control, and it’s working in me. I’m in control of my being.” When you talk this way, your mind, will, emotions and physical senses are subjected to line up with your words. Through the agency of God’s Word and the influence of His Spirit, your spirit is regulated to gain the mastery over your mind, body and emotions.

And besides this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness (2 Peter 1:5-6).

Temperance is from the Greek word “Egkrateia” and it means self-control, the ability and will to control your impulses, to delay immediate gratification for a long-term gain. That simply means the ability to wait or hold on, saying “no” or “not now” to your impulses. This was the virtue Moses displayed after he had been raised as a prince in Pharaoh’s house. The Bible says, “…when he grew up, refused to be treated as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose to share the oppression of God’s people instead of enjoying the fleeting pleasures of sin” (Hebrews 11:24-25 NLT).

“What if I don’t have temperance?” someone may ask.

As long as you’re born again, you have the virtue of temperance. The Bible says it’s the fruit of the recreated human spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). The man who desires to operate effectively with this virtue must learn to control his senses. And that can be achieved by training your body. You have to discipline your body; break it the way you break a horse until it does what you say, not you doing what it says. If your body can’t be subject to you, then it means you’re a slave to your body. And you can’t do anything serious for the Lord if you’re body ruled.

In 1 Corinthians 9:27, Paul said, “…I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection…” For instance, you can decide you’ll not sleep whenever you’re in church, whenever you’re studying the Bible or listening to God’s Word; that’s temperance. Fasting helps us learn self-control as believers. Also, when you fast; don’t find yourself going for food barely an hour into the fast. Part of the essence of a fast is to deny yourself of the natural cravings in order to put your body in subjection to your spirit. You have the ability and will to control your impulses, to subdue your body and tell it what to do, and it’ll comply.

–GSW–