Circe's Mindset

The difference in mindsets is huge when one compares dating someone who has a poor mindset to someone who has a rich mindset. Unfortunately, the poor have the superiority of numbers in most populations, and their mindset seems to have become the norm over the years. I remember a lady, a lawyer who was working for the legal department of a huge financial institution in Lagos. She would date guys just so she could collect gifts from them. She had a saying, "I must have something to remember every guy I date by." It wasn't for lack of money; she earns over a million Naira a month and gets a substantial quarterly bonus. It was a mindset. Before she dates a guy, what she looks for is how rich he is and how much of her bills he can afford to pay. She does not see the point of paying her own rent, buying her own phone, or repairing her own car when there are men all over the place who she could call, pretend to be a damsel in distress, and get them to handle those things for her. She saw her beauty as a form of currency, and she mastered the art of making a slave of lustful men, regardless of their station in life, do things for her in exchange for her phone number or the bragging right that they are acquaintances of hers. She would send a distress message to whoever she was dating at the moment, "Please credit my GTbank account, I didn't go out with the right ATM card, and I am shopping at the moment". If the person does not respond immediately, she would pay for whatever she wanted to buy, send the boyfriend the receipt, and write "Don't bother, another friend of mine took care of it." She does this to send a message, and the guy gets it loud and clear. The next time she asks him for a favour, he had better be ready and willing; otherwise, he would be replaced. This lady was not raised in poverty; her father was very wealthy, and she grew up in one of the most affluent estates in Lagos state.

As her birthday approaches every year, she would have a list of things she wanted and all of them must be done for her by one man (The one she happens to be sleeping with at the time) or many men (The ones she happens to be sleeping with at the time) You cannot date her and feel settled. She felt you owed it to her to always be on your toes as a man. When she brings a potential "husband" to her house for the first time, she will tell him the story of the person who bought her smart television set, the other fellow who paid the rent, the other fellow who bought her car, and the other fellow who paid for her internet, She will ask for the NETFLIX, Prime Video, Showmax, YouTube, and internet login details of the guy, so she can use them to access the platforms on her smart TV without paying for a subscription. Her mother is always in need of something, and her brothers are always in need of something. Whatever she could get out of a man, any man, from an Air conditioner to a laptop to travel tickets. Men are of no value to her unless they come loaded with money Even in her dressing, she makes sure she makes the person taking her out on a date realize that everything she was wearing was bought by another man or a group of men she had dated in the past in one capacity or the other.

She said she does this in the spirit of transparency, but it is a psychological gambit. She wanted the man to realize she is not a lightweight, and if he is choosing to stay with her, he must be willing to spend the billions. The downside to her approach to relationships is that they don't last. Men made her do the most unthinkable things in exchange for all her demands, and when those things were done, the men always took a walk. She said she was raped once by a guy whom she had strung along for months while collecting all sorts of juicy gifts from him. One day, the man invited her to a white party with the rich and famous, He gave her the impression that there would be loads of people there, and he would return her home before 4 pm, as he had a flight to catch. He picked her up at noon on a yacht. They took off for like an hour, and then he stopped the yacht and told her to take off her clothes and bend over, or he would kill her and throw her dead body into the sea. She said she saw in his eyes a lot of anger and rage, She had made a fool of him for too long, and he would most likely do what he threatened. So she took off her clothes and bent over She said she did not understand why men react that way towards her. She was beautiful, and it is the right of beauty to be appreciated, coveted, and lavished with gifts. Why didn't they just spend the money and leave her? And why don't they stay once they have slept with her? She felt that all men were evil, or perhaps she was under a curse in her head, men see her and want to sleep with her at all costs. Then they do everything to sleep with her and then dump her. I asked her if she felt her approach to dating, with all the demands, manipulations, and focus on material things, was not the reason the men do not see any value in her beyond the sex.

She vehemently denied it. She said, "Men should put on their big boy pants and not be namby-pambies. I am a woman, a beautiful woman, and I deserve to be treated as such. Men see beautiful cars and they buy them without raising any objection, they see a beautiful house and they pay the best they can afford for it. Men spend money on paintings, on gold, on jewelry, on luxury all the time. If it is worth it, men pay for it. I am a beautiful woman, I cannot be blamed for demanding my due and ascertaining my worth to men. I don't go to them; they come to me! I see no reason why I should not make them pay for hanging around me or trying to be with me. They pay to watch their favourite musicians perform all the time. So, what do you mean by trying to pin this on me? Something is either wrong with the men or there is something wrong with me spiritually. That is why I came to see you and not a shrink."

So, we settled for a few words of prayer and a scripture from the Song of Solomon 4:16, for her to read every night while she trusts God to see a change in her life. Of course, I know it is a waste of time. There are those whom the truth will not set free, not because it does not have the power to set them free, but because they refuse to acknowledge it. She reminded me of Circe in the story of Odysseus The beautiful witch who wastes the time of men, especially her suitors, Only this time, I know she is wasting her own time.

-GSW-