Extricated

Suicidal thoughts are nothing new

It is said that 50% of the human population must have had suicidal thoughts at one point or the other in their lives

Some snap out of it

Some don’t

For some people, suicidal thoughts simply doesn’t go away

Many who belong to this category have one form of mental illness or the other

It had been scientifically established that mental illness heightens the risk of suicide

In her case the suicidal thoughts were a combination of many factors

She was a product of a broken home

Her mother and father didn’t work out and she was somehow caught in between,

After a lengthy legal battle, the court decided her mother should have her but her father should also have visiting rights

Her mother was a civil servant and found the task of raising her all alone very challenging

She was thrown in the boarding school soon afterwards

Her breaks were shared between both parents

Her mother took the two short breaks while her father got the long break

By this time, her father had moved to the capital

He was a civil engineer and he works with an international company

The Christmas break was somehow split between her parents

She would spend Christmas with her mother and the new year with her father or vice versa

Growing up she had high hopes that her parents would get back together

She was four when they divorced and her mother didn’t remarry until she was twelve

Her mother’s remarriage unsettled her greatly

It practically extinguished the hope of reconciliation she had nursed for years

She hid  behind her studies and spent as little time as possible around her mother’s new husband

The man looks mean and she was always afraid he would hurt her mother

Two years before she gained admission into the university

Her father informed her that he also had also fathered a son with another woman

Though he didn’t marry the woman

She had always felt she was more of an inconvenience for her parents

Her mother now has a new family and she was more or less unwanted

Sometimes she felt she was more of an appendage or a maid especially after her mother had another child

She found solace in her friends

While she was in secondary school, she had a lot of good friends

Her friends were absolute delights

They studied together

Succeeded together

Watched out for one another and cared deeply for one another

She graduated from the secondary school at 16 and gained admission into the university almost immediately

At the university she settled in pretty quickly and started attending classes

She had assumed she could take solace in the friendship she would forge in the university

But this was not to be

Her roommates and friends in the university were all horrible people

They would rather club, date, party and do all sorts than study

She got caught in the web of their madness

Not because she doesn’t know it would end badly but because she was so lonely

She tagged along with them until it became a habit and graduated into a lifestyle

At the end of the session her results very poor

She promised she would do better the following year

But she had already set her own course

The following academic calendar, she did poorly too

When her results were released

She was placed on probation for her academic performance

It was as if she was thrown into a dry well

Everything suddenly went dark

She was so disappointed in herself and the choices she made

She was just 18 years old and she had plans regarding her future

She had been promised by her father that she would be sent abroad for her masters

She had so longed to fulfill that dream of settling down abroad

But her current reality seems to negate that plan

She traveled home for the holidays

Only to be told her mother was dead

That was it!

She couldn’t explain what happened afterwards

Everything just became foggy

Meaning was lost

She cried all the time

Even when she wanted to stop, she couldn’t

The only day of joy she had rehearsed in her mind was her wedding day

She knew it would at least bring her mother and father together

If only for only one day

But that had also become a fluke

Her mother wouldn’t be at a wedding!

She couldn’t say exactly the moment she started thinking of killing herself

She had thought of it often as she was growing up

Every time she was to go home on holiday and face the uncertain cloud hovering over her home she thought of it

Every time things didn’t go as planned, she always considered it

She always told herself nobody wanted her

She doesn’t matter

If she died nobody would cry

She was nothing more than an inconvenience, an accident of nature

She even believed that if she died both her parents would heave a sigh of relief

It was always the plan

To exit ignominiously when the time was right

Perhaps in death she would eventually matter

She got set to do as she planned on a Sunday morning

Everybody would be in church and God would hand out a free ticket into paradise

She was going to go the Sniper way

She broke the sniper bottle

Her phone rang

She picked

It was a friend

A friend who just wanted to say hello

They started talking

She started crying

She cried and cried

She couldn’t stop

Her friend got worried

She told her friend she was going to end it all

Her friend cut the call

Three minutes later

The phone rang again

It was the brother in Jeans and T-shirt

He was speaking in tongues when she picked

It was very weird

She said Hello!

He said hi

He introduced himself

He told her a friend of hers sent him her number

Can they talk?

Why not?

He started talking

She also talked

They talked and talked

She told him she was born again

But she couldn’t pray in tongues

He laughed

He told her she would pray in tongues in a short while

She said she had been trying for a long time to no avail

He told her he would take the bet that she would be praying in the spirit in a few minutes

She told him the bet was on

She told him everything

He listened

Then without warning, he started praying in tongues

She listened to him

Then the welling came within her

She prayed in tongues

She cried and cried

He commanded the spirit of suicide and depression to lift

He commanded the spirit of grief and sorrow to lift

He commanded the spirit of pain and rejection to lift

He commanded the spirit of neglect and abandonment to lift

He commanded the spirit of worthlessness to lift

He commanded peace and joy to rest upon her

He commanded the sun to shine again for her

He told her to ask for the in filling of the Holy Spirit afresh

She did!

The Holy Spirit flooded her heart and soul

Joy rushed in

Jesus!

She had never been happy in years

She could almost taste the sunlight

They talked at length afterwards

He told her the fog of depression couldn’t let him get through to her

He had to lift it first by the spirit

She survived

The following week, she returned to school

She was full of wisdom, knowledge and understanding

She suddenly understood what was being taught and this time she chose her friends

That year she moved from probation to 3^rd class

She had a lot of things to be happy about

Jesus loves her, her life mattered to Jesus

The Holy Spirit kindles joy in her every day

Every good thing God made are accentuated to her

The Father loves her

This she knows

She never contemplated suicide again!

Ps: People argue all the time that nothing can lift depression

They say medicines can only help a little

Religion can only help a little

Counselling can also help but a bit

I assure you

If Depression meets with the Holy Spirit

It will burn to pieces

Every work of darkness exposed to light is consumed by light

Live! in Jesus name