Green Venom

Can a snake kill itself by biting
itself?
This was a question that had been
in my mind for a long time
I didn't randomly come about the
question
I was with a young couple in 2016
The young man was a campus fellowship
leader who had to declare publicly 
to the fellowship soon that he was
in a relationship with the young
lady but was weary of doing so
The young lady was the one that
called for the meeting
She reached out to me and with a
strong complain about the conduct
of the young man towards her
She said they had been friends from
the moment they met in their first
year at the university and by their
second year, they had both become
convinced they were meant to be
more than friends
They had both prayed and fasted
about a divine direction regarding
marriage and God led them to each
other
She said she didn't think twice
when he eventually outlined his
plans for the future and asked
her to be his life partner
They were both in their mid twenties
She had completed her National
Diploma before switching to the
University through the Direct Entry
while he had also taken some time
off after secondary school to work
and save towards his education
It was very clear that they love 
each other
The campus fellowship they both
belong to had a rule for their
ministers
They were required to declare their
relationship status to the fellowship
before taking up leadership roles
This was to encourage transparency
and accountability within the 
fellowship
She says he suddenly developed cold
feet about announcing her as his
babe when he was nominated to the
post of Drama Coordinator
He says it had nothing to do with
her but everything to do with him
He was not sure he wanted the 
position because he was still praying
about it
He didn't have to announce his
relationship status until he had picked
up the role
She insisted he was reluctant to pick
up the role so as not to announce her
as his babe
That was the argument
So I asked her why she felt he should
pick up the role 
She said he had been acting in the 
capacity of the drama coordinator since
he was in his first year in the 
university and it makes no sense that
he would suddenly decide he doesn't
want the role anymore especially as
he was still acting in that capacity
in the fellowship
I sensed there was something they were
both side stepping as they spoke
There was an issue of trust
So I asked her how she felt about 
other ladies from the drama group
and the fellowship coming around
him
She smiled and said "Sir, that is
the issue, that drama group is too
lax and free. I am not saying they
are doing anything ungodly or sinful
i am just saying drama as a ministry
is too expressive and emotional
I don't even take it seriously as a
ministry that benefits the church
There was no drama ministry in the 
Bible
Isn't make belief a form of lie and
pretense?
No matter how good the message is, the
means through which the message is
delivered is also important for
effective communication
As a person, I might be wrong but this
is my strong opinion, drama is a very
questionable means of teaching the
gospel
I had discussed it with him
I want his to join the Sunday School
teachers or the prayer band team
A serious team that does not require
all sorts of characters coming around
him
So many ladies in that drama department
are not born again, that is why they
can act so many roles convincingly
A Christian shouldn't be able to play
carnal roles unless he or she is carnal
in the heart or desiring to become
carnal
I have discussed this with him since
we started going out
He says he does not see himself doing
anything apart from drama ministration
He is good at it
I cannot deny that but how can a
born again Christian be good at 
something like drama?
He will play the role of a drunk or
a womanizer or a herbalist convincingly
it bothers me that he might not really
know the Lord yet
Anyone who really knows the Lord should
have forgotten the ways of the world"
When she kept quiet, he began to laugh
His laughter made her uncomfortable
but the laughter was meaningful
It was a reference to a truth they
both shared but one she was keeping
from me
She looked at him and responded by
saying "It is true that I am very 
jealous and i have trust issues. 
The ladies in the drama group and even
the guys behave too casually and
friendly towards each other
I always feel like an outsider when
I am around them and this makes me
very uncomfortable
Because of the role he plays as their
leader, they are always around him
and sometimes they don't regard me
as more than his friend
This is why he needed to make the
position formal and announce me
as his babe
That way it is official and all the
ladies will know he is a no go area
and stay away from him
I have seen the same scenario playing
out in several forms over the years
So I asked her the obvious question
"Do you trust him?"
"Pastor, I just told you I have trust
issues a few minutes ago
I don't trust anybody, I don't know
how to
I have tried to look away, do other
things, keep away from his department
and mind my business but I cannot.
I check his phone always, looking 
for clues or signs that somebody is
trying to play a fast one on him
You know that men are very gullible
They always fall cheaply for the wiles 
of women. I am a woman and I know
what I am talking about but instead of
Him to let me protect him he sees my
actions as negative and before I knew
It he passworded his phone and refused
to give me the password”
The young man looked at her and
Shook his head, he said “Didn’t you
Have a password on your phone?”
She nodded
Did I ever accuse you that you passworded
Your phones because you didn’t want me 
To see the chat and text messages of men
Who admire you and might want to be
With you?”
She looked at him intently and called
His name “So and so, have I ever had an
Admirer or a Toaster I didn’t tell you about?”
“No” he responded
“Now have you ever told me about other ladies
You like and might want to be with before?”
“No I have not because there has never
been any”
She laughed and said “Do you think I was
Born yesterday? 
Do you expect me to believe that?”
At this he looked at me with that “help me”
look
I smiled at him reassuringly 
Then he said “I passworded my phone 
Because my Phone insisted that I cannot
instal a banking app on the phone without
a password. I have explained this to you
Several times”
She “I remember but why didn’t you
Tell me the password? Why are you keeping
Secrets?”
He “I am not keeping secrets, I just don’t
think it is healthy for me to continue enabling
your jealousy by making excuses for it
It is either you deal with it or this 
Relationship is over
I cannot cope with it”
She: “Finally, you have said what
 is on your mind from the beginning.
This was why you refused to announce
Me to everyone in the fellowship as
the one you are seeing
You still have doubts about us and
you’re just wasting my time!
Thank you for telling the truth
thank you for finally admitting that
you don’t see a future for us
Her body language changed
I can see that she wanted to walk out
I kept starring at her until she calmed
down
I have seen her reaction so many times
I have also heard her argument so many
Times
Many ladies are plagued with jealousy
The conversation always goes the same
way
They will do anything to keep the man
to themselves
Some will even go as far as using 
charms and other demonic things to
tie the man down because men
cannot help themselves.
Nothing ruins a good relationship like
jealousy
Either from the man or from the woman
The jealous partner will almost always 
go too far for comfort
The demands of the jealous partner
are never ending
I have met with a couple who had
been married for six years
The wife went to buy a piece of land in
the middle of nowhere and insisted that
her husband must build it, resign his job
and move Into the forest with her
That was the last straw for their marriage
the man walked out joyfully
It is true that most marriages were 
built on good intentions
The man and the woman ideally do
not set out to make life hell for each
other
The cause of rift is sometimes external,
 sometimes internal or both
Jealousy is an internal factor
Like the venom of a snake
It is harmless to the snake itself and even
protects it
But it gives the snake a bad reputation
Nobody wants to be friends with a
snake
Other animals keep far away from it
Even snakes don’t befriend snakes
A jealous person always ends up alone
Even in the midst of people he or should
regard as friends
All he or she sees are red flags
The couple left my office after two hours
of counsel 
I knew the relationship wouldn’t work out
The young man had weighed his nature 
against the relationship and had decided
to choose being himself rather than remain
with her and pretending to be someone
else.
The lady called me to report that they
had broken up a month later
I listened patiently and counseled her
Two years later, she came back from
from her NYSC with a ring
Another brother had seen the light
hallelujah 
They got married in December 2018
I got a call from the brother this 
Morning
He had left their flat for her
I asked him why
He said he had a dry cleaning business
he had been doing from his university
days
He had employees that had worked with
him faithfully as the business grew
As soon as he got married, his wife
Had issues with all the female members
of his team
He had to sack them
Then she volunteered to help him out 
at the office on weekends so that he can 
take some much-needed rest 
He agreed
Within six months all his female customers
had left
By the time he noticed, it was too late
He called many of them and they told
Him his wife practically chased them
away
As far as he was concerned, she ruined
his business purposefully because she
didn’t want him to succeed!
I had to explain to him that she meant
no harm
To her mind, she was protecting her
husband from both seen and unseen
dangers in form of a woman
Unknown to her, the more she listened
to and acted as instructed by her
jealousy, she more she was losing
the very person she was trying to
protect
Like a snake biting itself in agony
IT didn’t know IT can commit 
suicide by biting herself provided 
that it bites itself in such a way 
that the venom directly enters the 
bloodstream.

Ps: This I say then, Walk in the 
Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill 
the lust of the flesh. For the flesh 
lusteth against the Spirit, and the 
Spirit against the flesh: and these 
are contrary the one to the other: 
so that ye cannot do the things 
that ye would. But if ye be led of 
the Spirit, ye are not under the law. 
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, 
which are these; Adultery, fornication, 
uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, 
witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, 
wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 
Envyings, murders, drunkenness, 
revellings, and such like: of the 
which I tell you before, as I have 
also told you in time past, that they 
which do such things shall not 
inherit the kingdom of God. 
(Gal. 5:16-21, KJV).

Jealousy is root of comparison, 
over expectations, insecurities and 
over demanding or imitating nature.
It takes lots of efforts to come out 
of such feelings and be happy with 
whatever one would have in his life. 
One should understand that feeling 
of jealousy creates negativity, 
inferiority complex and disappointment.
Avoid comparison of yourself with others. 
Best way is to count blessings and 
improve yourself to live more happily.
              -Nishar Kuwar

She lives alone at the moment
Her husband has sworn to have nothing
to do with her, insisting he would
rather remain single that remain
with her
We are trusting God for a change of
heart for him
She however did not understand what
all the fuss was all about
In her opinion, there are better
businesses he could be doing rather
than dry cleaning
He could be selling male sports
Jerseys or running a boutique for
men's clothes
Why must he engage in dry cleaning?
And if he must do dry cleaning, why
couldn't he specialize in male
clothes only?