Learning Restraint

Years ago in architecture school, 
I was walking from the hostel to 
the studio to work. 
I was carrying my tracing paper, 
T-square & other stuff. 
I ran into an acquaintance on the way. 
We exchanged pleasantries and 
he asked, "wetin you dey do with 
tracing paper & T-square?
Na architecture guys dey carry 
tracing paper and T-square nau!" 
I told him I was an architecture student. 
He responded, "I don't believe you!" 
Wow. 
I said, "Ok". 
And continued my walk to the studio. 
He followed me. "I say I no believe 
you, Harry!" 
I heard you the first time, mate...
But it's ok, your unbelief doesn't 
change anything. "Ok, show me 
your ID Card!" "No, I won't. No need." 
"See? You no be architecture student!" 
"Ok!" I replied but He wasn't satisfied! 
"You no fit be architecture student nau! 
Haba! Na your type dey study 
architecture?" 
"Yeah, no be my type..."
I refused to prove anything to him. 
I left him frustrated. 
I've met people who ask where I come 
from. I tell them, Zuru, Kebbi State. 
They respond, "I don't believe you!" 
I simply say, "Ok!" And move on. 
Earlier this year, I was with a young, 
23 year old lawyer...
He just finished Law School. 
We got talking and I asked, "you're 
a Lawyer, right?" 
"Yes sir." 
"If I say I don't believe you're a 
Lawyer, what would you say?" 
He said he'd be upset! 
Said it would seem as if all his years 
in the University and Law School 
were wasted! 
I was shocked!
Why would my opinion about him 
cause such a reaction in him? 
Why would his emotional equilibrium 
be displaced by the opinion of a man 
he just met? I couldn't understand it. 
But I later understood. 
My generation is not under any 
pressure to seek validation externally...
We were not trained to prove anything. 
I don't know if it was the quality of 
education we received or the training 
from our parents, but external opinions 
don't move us. 
We understand EMOTIONAL 
INTELLIGENCE. 
Unlike this "soro soke" generation. 
They're wired differently...
They're wired to be almost always 
angry, bitter and confrontational. 
You disagree with them? 
They insult and curse you! 
They don't have the capacity to engage 
with civility and decorum. 
When they have no words to express 
themselves, they go rogue. And it's 
so unfortunate to see...
In the 90s, there was a presidential 
election between Bashir Tofa and Moshood 
Abiola. 
Abiola was in the studio for an interview 
and he was asked: "Chief, people say 
this election is between a thief surrounded 
by idiots and an idiot surrounded by thieves. 
What would you say to that?"
Abiola laughed! 
Then he asked, "Which one am I, the idiot 
or the thief?" 
I was in my 20s, but that incident left 
a strong impression on me: Abiola laughed! 
He joked about it. 
He was so comfortable in his own skin, 
being labeled a thief or an idiot didn't 
destabilize him...
Emotional Intelligence teaches you 
restraint. 
Emotional Intelligence teaches you 
to keep your emotions to yourself. 
Emotional Intelligence shows how 
developed you are as a human being. 
In my opinion, this young generation 
has so much going for them. 
The sky is their limit...
But their lack of Emotional Intelligence 
will be their bane. 
They just don't have the capacity for 
RESTRAINT. 
I don't know how they'll handle it, but 
if they don't learn to rein in their emotions, 
they're just a time bomb awaiting 
detonation. 
And great will be the explosion...

Haruna Daniels