Overreaching?

Dear GSW,

Since my teen years, I have seen men who are generous to some ladies they really love but only got labelled "Mr Nice Guy", "Mumu", "Maga", "Weak man", "Alarudaale", "Ode", "Suegbe Guy", "Mario" and so on by the same ladies they were professing their undying love for.

The only crime of guys labelled this way was liking ladies who didn't like them back, and instead of being treated with dignity for wearing their heart on their sleeves and expressing their desire, ladies would milk them, insult them, and sometimes treat them with deep derision.

I was never treated this way by anybody, so this is not personal.

I have, however, seen many men treated like this by ladies who didn't deserve their love in any way.

I remember a horticulturist somewhere in Bodija Estate in Ibadan who liked a lady who was a student of the University of Ibadan when I was a teenager.

The lady would pretend to listen to his profession of love for about thirty minutes and then tell him she would think about all that he had said.

He would then ask her what he could do to support her, and she would give him a list.

He was the one who paid her fees, rented and furnished her flat, decorated the flat with expensive and customised flower pots and plants, and so on.

Some of the ladies' friends would also get envelopes and expensive treats.

The lady, all the while, had a man in Ireland she was talking to.

When she graduated, she just packed her bags and left Nigeria.

She didn't even bother to tell him goodbye.

Some men really do not know how to stand on their feet.

Some men would rather buy a wife than marry one.

I understand that it is how a man presents himself that a woman has to take him.

The brutal truth is that such ladies milk such guys of their money and dignity, talk down on them, and treat them with disdain.

When you ask them why they behave like this to such a guy, they shrug and say "I am teaching him a lesson," or "I am trying to teach him some sense," or "When he is wise, he will stop coming to look for me" or "He is disturbing me and I need him to go away." Or "I have told him I am not interested, but he has turned to Mario and wouldn't leave me be."

Sir, my question is this...

Is it fair that ladies treat such guys this way?

How do I help a friend of mine who is being treated this way, and he is behaving as if it is through such indignity and denigration that he would prove his love to the lady he is wooing?

It is pathetic to see, sir.

What can be done?

PS: It’s rare to see men who haven’t been through this. And oftentimes it’s a thing of “I want what I can not afford”, Greed, Naivety! If my hand no reach am, I use something draw am.

Lack of self-love! No dignity and self-respect!

I remember wanting to date a coursemate of mine in school. Chased this girl, but I knew deep down I shouldn’t. It was more of a challenge to me than love... on the bike, I'll be flying to her house in town, spending money on this and other stuff... I knew she was way above my league, but I kept on until she called me a Pest!

I was like me?

Pest ontop my money and time…I moved on!

It’s often not love but a challenge! A lady in your league will not stress you!

Eventually, I heard she was dating a master’s student and wished her well.

Men must love themselves first, choose themselves first, and choose who chooses you.

A no isn't the End of the world. You have an array to choose from! If one says no to the next, you move!

If possible, change your circle!

You will meet the right one

-Pastor John Ejioye