The signs had been there for some time
It was only a matter of time
They both knew this
But neither of them was willing to
bell the cat
One was assuming the other would
dig the grave and bury the carcass of
their marriage when he or she got tired
of the stink!
For her, it was the ultimate loss
She left her faith to marry him
She fell in love with him during the NYSC
She was posted to Taraba State
She was from the South-west
Brought up as a nominal Christian and
was earnestly praying for a life partner
For her, love shouldn't have specifications
It was supposed to be a matter of the heart
If he made her heart sing
If he made her heart sing even in his absence
If he made her heart sing aloud and melodiously
Then he will be the one
He is the one!
It didn't help that she didn't have so
He was the only one around interested
in her that way!
While some ladies have the luxury of choice
She struggled to keep the one that
came her way
She loved him and he loved her
He had the most beautiful smile
He was a non-christian but he was not a fanatic
His family members had a blend of
both Christianity and the other major religion
in the state
Just like hers!
When he knocked on the doors of her heart
she opened the door for him eagerly
When he knocked on the doors of her body
She let him in without a fuss
He was a native of the state and had some
political connections at the grassroots
He was a rising star in the ministry he was
He paid attention to her and was very
singleminded in his devotion to her
Just as she was about to round off her
She was overjoyed
She had been worried that he was only
bidding his time until she was done with
She didn't want to end up saying waving
goodbye to him without anything concrete
to show for their time together
She accepted his proposal and they
began wedding plans
Her parents were happy for her
It was her choice and they supported her
with all their hearts and resources
His parents accepted her too
But his mother insisted she must convert
to their religion
He never had an issue with it while they
His mother insisted and she caved in!
She spent weeks with her mother
after she caved in
Just to learn the rudiments of their
religion and what it means to be a
proper wife according to their religion!
Once that hurdle was crossed,
the marriage was allowed to hold!
She got pregnant almost immediately
after the marriage
She delivered the first child, a girl
He was overjoyed!
She was determined to give him a
son and she did when she delivered
her second child
Soon after the second child was born
he started seeing faults in everything!
She didn't know why!
As far as she was concerned, everything
should be better, not worse!
She had given him two healthy children,
taken good care of his home and was
a wonderful wife
His criticism cut through her like barbed wire
She wanted so much to please him
He didn't see any good in anything she did
It was so frustrating!
How could love turn sour so suddenly?
He resented her
He resented the fact that she was trying so
hard to please him
He would taunt her, provoke her unnecessarily
Eventually, he resorted to violence
Kicking the food she served him away,
throwing his phone at her in a fit of rage
He pushed until she lashed back!
She just couldn't continue to play the docile
wife who could be walked over like a fool!
Since he had refused to nurture and value her
He shouldn't have to wear her down
and tear her to pieces!
What went wrong?
How had she offended him?
The cat and mouse game went on for
almost a year
She went to his people, she begged them
His mother called him and spoke sincerely
to him to do better
He softened after that
Returned home right after he closed from
work, ate his food and even returned to her
She tried very hard to make it work this time
A woman, after all, was responsible for building
her own home
She got pregnant again
Three months after she told him about her
pregnancy he started again
This time he would just disappear for weeks
He returned home whenever he liked
and later informed her he was courting
another lady he wanted to get married to!
It was not such a shocking thing to her!
All around her, there were non-christian
men married to several women
But he had told her from the beginning
that he was going to be a one-woman
She took him at his word and it seemed
she had believed the words of a liar!
She begged him, pleaded with him!
Eventually, she went to his mother again
His mother intervened
He mellowed down grudgingly
She delivered the baby
By this time the love was dead!
They were both barely getting by as a unit
Hardly even talking to each other
For all he cared, she does not exist
Their marriage was barely eight years old
She had prayed and fasted and cried
She didn't know how else to keep the
home from crumbling
How do you rekindle love in the heart
of a spouse who is determined not to
How do you get him to turn from his
She reached out to those who she thought
could be of help
She fasted and prayed
What went to him in the night, she begged
him on her knees
She made him promises, asked him to
consider their beginning and turn from
the current path he seemed determined
What she actually wanted was his love
but if he was resolved not to love her
she was willing to consider pity or duty
in order to keep her marriage from falling
On the evening of Saturday, 17th August 2019
Her husband sent the following message
to her parents and his parents!
Good evening sir/ma.
Please,s I want to plead with all of you to allow
us go our separate ways.
This wedding is no longer working for me.
I am sorry for everything.
I know you all have tried your best to see that
we mend things and make this marriage work
but it seems all has gotten worse and it keeps
getting worse every day.
Please I beg you all to just allow us divorce and
go our separate ways if not, when things go very bad,
I mean very bad that might lead to physical harm,
all of you are to blame.
I have respectfully and honestly pleaded with
you all here.
This message has been sent to all the parents
to read and discuss so that you all will help us
resolve this marriage without much rancour please.
If there is any need for both of us and all parents
to sit together and finalize the divorce once
and for all, I will make myself available please.
But for now, all I am saying is that I have had enough
and I can't tolerate anything further!
This is my humble and sincere submission.
I can't continue with Her anymore!
Naturally, the parents got concerned!
He had finally dug the grave and thrown in
the carcass of their marriage!
He had also thrown her a shovel!
They both have to get to work to bury the
dead and save the world from its stink!
With tears in her eyes, she started shovelling!
PS: She needed to get an accommodation
and a job somewhere in Abuja or around that
She also needed some money!
I have been aware of this issue for a while
It is tough to see a marriage die
It is hard to have to bite the dust on such
But it is better than burying either of them
for whatsoever reason!
They have great children and a bright
future to look up to!
If you are led to assist her in any way, kindly
or send a whatsapp message to +2348072744871
The Lord will bless you as you do so
"Now therefore give not your daughters
unto their sons, neither take their
daughters unto your sons..." (Ezra 9:12).
God forbade the children of Israel marrying
This instruction is still the same even in
the New Testament!
"Be ye not unequally yoked together
with unbelievers..." (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Let me explain what an unequal yoke means.
Years ago, when farmers used cattle-mounted
ploughs to cultivate their farmlands, two cows
could be burdened together to pull a plough;
this was known as an equal yoke.
But a cow and a horse being yoked together
would be called an unequal yoke.
This means that you (a Christian) and an
unbeliever, cannot be yoked together because
it would be an unequal yoke.
No Christian should marry a non-Christian.
You belong to God's family and in this new
family, God forbids it.
God loves us and He doesn't want us to fall
into error as Solomon did.
According to Nehemiah, Solomon's disregard
for this commandment became his undoing
In spite of the fact that God loved Solomon,
visited him twice and blessed him with wisdom
unlike any other man, his strange wives took
him out of God's will.
And the same thing will happen to any believer
today in the same situation.
Righteousness has no fellowship with
unrighteousness, nor light with darkness.
You may love God with your heart like Solomon,
but if you're unequally yoked with an unbeliever,
you're already out of His will and headed for
Nevertheless, if you were already married to a
non-Christian before you received Christ,
you are not condemned, for your salvation would
sanctify your partner.
It is true that Christian marriages also have their
own issues but the union between a believer and
an unbeliever leaves practically no room for
proper intervention when needed!
There is no middle ground for anybody!
It is always too messy and leaves a bitter
taste in everybody's mouth!