Keeping Eldorado

When they got married 
He knew she was an independent 
woman 
She had worked hard since she was 
seventeen years old to build a career 
in broadcasting 
Her mother was very instrumental to 
her career development 
Since she showed an interest in 
Newscasting 
at a young age, her mother had bought 
her Daniel Jones phonetics dictionary 
with the audiotape to listen to and practice 
That one move by her mother set her on a 
path beyond her peers 
She had a flair for the arts and entertainment 
Her mother was a reporter and continuity 
announcer with a radio station in Lagos
When the station started a youth programme 
that involves interviewing young achievers 
and showcasing their work on radio and 
TV, her mother coached and encouraged 
her to audition for the job 
She did and she was by far the best 
The only reason she was given an experienced 
partner for the show was because of the 
technicalities she needed to learn on the job 
She was in 100 Level at the university when 
she got the job, as a result, she couldn't 
have a social life like her peers 
She was always rushing from the recording 
studio to classes and vice versa because
she was employed as a full staff and her 
show was running on four weekdays 
from 8-10AM
 Like every other woman, she was very good 
at multi-tasking 
She juggled the career and academics with 
dexterity and within five years became a 
very established star in broadcasting 
It was her dream come true 
What she had always wanted... 
By the time she was twenty-five, she had 
her Master's degree and she had been 
headhunted by a new media house offering 
the kind of money that makes the ears tingle 
and a world-class studio 
She was shaping up to become a global 
brand
She had everything but one 
She needed a husband 
As usual, she wanted a godfearing man, 
a keeper and a friend 
A man who would support her career 
and build a home with her 
She prayed earnestly and made vows to 
God to grant her this one request 
The first man she met was a writer
He came on her show to discuss some of 
his works and she found the wells of his 
intelligence very deep 
The crush she had on his was unconscious 
at first 
She just found herself inviting him over to 
discuss the works of other writers during 
her book review segment 
Until the day she saw him arm in arm with 
another single lady working in the same 
broadcasting house 
The emotion the sight stirred in her was 
beyond her 
She was unsettled, angry and felt betrayed 
She realized it was jealousy 
The feeling was totally alien to her 
From that time she became careful around 
him 
He eventually asked her out through the 
same lady she saw him with 
The lady casually walked up to her and 
said "So and so likes you and was wondering 
if you were available or taken" 
She didn't respond because it felt somehow 
Why didn't he ask her directly? 
He never did
She wished he did He celebrated her 
birthdays  with her and would call her to 
talk for hours on some days 
She had hoped he was working up the 
courage to ask her out 
One night, he called her and said "I don't do 
well with rejection, so I asked your colleague 
to ask if there was a chance that you would 
consider me for a relationship. 
She said you didn't give her a reply and 
admonished me to be patient. 
I waited, I have waited for two years, and 
still you have said nothing! 
I wish you well. 
I will be moving on now" 
She didn't even know what to say to him!
He was supposed to be the intelligent one 
He was supposed to be a man 
How couldn't he ask her out directly and 
still insinuate it was her fault? 
It felt very somehow to her 
One month later, she got an invitation to 
her colleague's birthday bash 
She met him there 
They sat together and chatted for a while 
He looked so handsome, confident and 
very relaxed 
Like a man who had finally gotten to Eldorado 
When her colleague was about to cut her cake, 
he was invited to give a speech 
To her utter shock He proposed 
It was like witnessing the gutting of a 
dolphin in open sea 
She wanted to scream Noooooooo! 
But she kept it all together, smiled 
and even waited a bit to congratulate 
them before strapping herself in her 
car seat and crying until sunset 
She felt horrible 
It was as if someone set a fire under 
her skin 
He was the only admirer she had in 
twenty-seven years 
Perhaps she should have chased him or 
taken the half-bread he offered earlier 
She had thought they had some time 
to set the record straight and do something 
meaningful together 
It took him a month from telling her farewell 
to asking someone else to marry him 
She moved on 
Four months later, she met her husband 
She was desperate to get married and 
refused to put up any standard whatsoever 
He was working with a tobacco company 
He smoked, drank and was very aloof 
He saw her at Tanks and Tummy on a 
Saturday morning 
She was having breakfast and he walked 
up to her out of the blue and asked if 
he could share her table 
She shrugged 
He sat down, stared at her until she got 
a little uncomfortable and said "I know 
you will be shocked at what I am about 
to say but I have been coming here to 
wait for you for over three months 
I was traveling to Badagry one Saturday 
morning in our church bus 
Our church was going to plant a parish and 
I was conscripted to travel with the team 
We got to this fuel station to buy some fuel 
I was seating in the front seat with one of 
our parish pastors
The pastor suddenly grabbed my hand 
and said "You will meet your wife her 
sometimes within the next six months 
on a Saturday morning. 
She will be wearing a blue gown with a 
flowery white and green jacket, she will 
be wearing a green bra and green panties, 
she will be driving a car which is not hers 
because her own car will be undergoing 
some repair works 
She will be eating Toast bread, fried eggs 
and tea 
She will be on her way to an event...." 
He said so much but I could only memorize 
this much 
I wrote everything down and started coming 
here every Saturday because I am very sure 
that the pastor hears clearly from God"
Ordinarily, she would be shocked but the 
series of events that led her to Tanks and 
Tummy that morning were out of this world 
She had woken up and dressed up to attend 
a friend's wedding in Festac town 
Her car refused to start 
The wedding uniform that she ought to wear 
was not ready 
She had to borrow her mother's car 
The tailor told her to wait at Tanks & Tummy 
to collect the party uniform 
She had never been to the eatery before 
When she walked in, she had a strong 
sense of expectation
It didn't feel to her like a romantic engagement 
It felt more like a business transaction 
"I am here because God said I should 
be here and I am talking to you because 
God said I should talk to you" event 
Everything he said about what she 
was wearing, eating and all were correct!
She couldn't ignore all the facts 
And yet he was a stranger, a guy with 
whom she had nothing in common 
She didn't go to the wedding 
They sat down in the eatery all day 
and talked 
He didn't hide his drinking and smoking habit
In fact, he took several smoking breaks 
while they got acquainted
She told him to give her a week
They exchanged contacts and 
parted ways
The following Saturday she called
him and gave him her terms
No more smoking, drinking and other
hazardous health habits
The relationship would be supervised
by her parents and church leaders
There would be no undue touching
until she felt comfortable for such
They would make out time to be with
each other and get to know each
other
She felt he was getting the better
end of the deal
She was a virgin, she was well brought
up and she had a good career
An asset of assets
He was a "christian" who obviously
does not know his left from right
yet
It was an unequal yoke of sorts
She also reserved the right to break
it up at will
He said "Yes ma" to everything she
said and to her amazement, he began
to transform
He resigned his job because she said
he shouldn't smoke
He got another job with his uncle's
roofing company
He had always been a marketer and
he was good on the job
He joined her church
His church was very traditional and
only the church leaders can prophesy
and pray in the spirit
She convinced him her church was
best to help him grow
He didn't argue
He severed ties with all his friends
and old acquaintances both male
and female
He was a perfect gentleman with
her 
He placed her at the centre of his 
world
If she needed him to do anything
including drive her mother to the 
market, her father to the airport,
her younger sister to school, he 
did it
He really loved her
Somewhere along the line the "No
touching rule was breached"
They started kissing and exploring
He didn't push for sex but she was
convinced she wouldn't have had the
strength to say No if he had
After two years of meeting all her
conditions without any reservation
He proposed on Christmas eve
He proposed in the presence of all her
relatives after the huge family event
her family hosts on December 24
She said yes
They got married in June 2014
They had two children, Jared born
in July 2015 and Jason born in
September 2017
In January 2019, he asked her for 
a divorce
The request came out of nowhere
The marriage had been the best
thing that happened to her
She soared in her career and was
able to keep a home
She traveled all over the world
knowing he got her back
She was the envy of friends and
relatives
He was faithful and so was she
At first, she thought it was a joke,
that he was just looking for some
attention but he moved out of
the house a month after asking
her for a divorce
The marriage was supposed to
be God's plan, ordained from heaven
She reached out to the Brother
in Jeans and T-shirt
She was sure it was the devil and
all his demons at work
The Brother-In-Jeans and T-shirt
reached out to him
They chatted for a while and then
the three of them met to talk
He said "She made me feel like I
am unworthy of her from the 
beginning. I dont know if it was
because I told her about he God
Factor and she felt she could just
do whatever she wanted and i
must take it because I fear God
My wife treats me like her houseboy
She wakes up in the morning 
dishing out instructions, just as
she did before she agreed to go
out with me but I cannot tell her
to do anything under this heaven
It had to be her will
She was boss!
You know I started calling her
"Boss lady" and "My madam"
at a point and she basked in it
instead of seeing the foolishness
i was pointing her attention to
She does not cook or do any
house chores from day one
I make my own food and even 
when we got housemaids to help 
out at home because of the children
She would rather recommend an
eatery where i can get food rather
than cook
I made accommodations from day
one
People told me I had to adjust 
because she was a career woman
I kept adjusting
All her terms and conditions were
met and remained unbroken till today
and I am suffering in silence
I do not feel married and I cannot
say I am married except for that
certificate we signed at the registry
We would be better off as friends
with benefit or strangers having
a series of one night stands
I am her parent's good boy while
my own parents hardly see her
And she was not making as much
money as I am or carrying any
financial burden in the house
I pay for everything and enjoy 
nothing
Enough is enough
I want out!"
She couldn't stop crying
She said she didn't even suspect that
he was discontented or unhappy
She had no idea her "crimes" were
that much but she couldn't refute
any of his claims
She said she works so hard that
by the time she got home, she was
usually too tired to cook 
So she would send him a message
to get something to eat at work
or buy something on his way home
Later he stopped asking for food 
altogether and she was relieved
She said she came from a close
knitted family and he knew that
but his family didn't make any
demands on their time and she
was just grateful for it
She said he never told her the way
she told him what he wanted
He kept quiet and allowed the
resentment to grow until he felt
a divorce was the way out
She said she wished he had opened 
up
He said he wished she was more 
considerate and caring
I watched them in tears
Yes, I cried
I told her to take an indefinite leave
from work for at least three months
I told him to do the same
I told her to be a wife to her husband
There is great joy in us when we
minister to the Lord
There is also great joy in us when
the Lord ministers to us
If God delights in us ministering
to Him and we delight in God 
ministering unto us
Why should we expect it to be different
for couples?
One side cannot do exclusive giving
it renders the taking side useless
eventually
One side cannot do exclusive taking
It breeds resentment in the giving side
There are tiny threads that holds a
marriage and a home together
Prayer time, Meal time, movie time,
discussions and celebrations
I have seen a wife cure her husband
of prostate cancer by praying in tongues
continually while cooking his food
A man once invited me to Port-Harcourt
to pray with his sick wife because he
missed their evening walks together
He said she gives him counsel on how to
handle his staff (He had a construction
firm) and since she got sick, he had been
struggling
These "little things" are actually the
big deal that holds a home together

PS: The marriage is still alive now
because of the restoration power of 
the Holy Spirit
Communication is key in a marriage
Commitment to each other is also
key
One side shouldn't feel it is being
taken for granted
If you are in a marriage where all
you dish out is instructions like
the boss (Either you are the husband
or the wife)
You are not loved
You are being served because of
a value you bring to the table
When that value is no longer
available, you will find yourself
surplus to requirements!

GSW's Notes: When my wife finished
her M.SC programme in 2018, I took
to twitter to write a thread about her
and congratulate her
Some ladies latched on to my thread
and insulted me very much
They said I shouldn't have called
her my wife and let the thread be 
all about "ME"
Isn't she supposed to be her own 
person?
So my wife won several awards in 2019
and i celebrated her as her "Own" 
person
When my wife saw the post she got
upset
She said I distanced myself from her
achievement and made it look shallow
You see the plaques and degrees were
all junk without the joyful memory of
sharing them with our loved ones
and acknowledging their value as
eternal even as the degrees and plaques
will surely fade away
Many of the "woke" talkers out there
have hollow lives and empty hearts
Many cry themselves to sleep at night
Many are so depressed, reading their
tweets could make you sick
Live your life to please the Lord

Happy Birthday to Mummy Folu Adeboye,
long may you cook and serve your
husband's meals in Jesus name!
I am on my knees ma
I celebrate the God who kept you and
your husband as an example for us
God bless you and all your seeds ma
Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!