Trust or Choke Hold?

I was watching a James Bond movie once, maybe Casino Royale.
He saw a beautiful woman, she looked at him and smiled
He asked if she was single or married
She said she was single and he turned away from her immediately
Someone then said to him, “She is hot.”
He smirked
The person then said, “Is she too young for you?”
He replied, “She is not my type.”
The person asked why, and he said, “She is married.”

I reasoned that since the character James Bond has a low life expectancy and always living on a fast lane, it made sense for him to seek out dissatisfied or bored married women who only needed the thrill of the moment and are not interested in any form of emotional entanglement.

I have also heard a lot of single ladies claim they prefer to be with married men because such relationships are less complicated.
One told me that every December, she had this particular man that comes in from the USA, and the man comes loaded with a lot of dollars.
She had a working arrangement with him that whenever he came to Nigeria, she would be his exclusive babe.
The guy was married, and his family lived with him in the USA.

Whatever she did with her life between February, when he would leave Nigeria, and December, when he would return, was exclusively her business.
So for all intents and purposes she was single, and this was what she told anybody who cared to listen.

Then she met this married man and started dating him.
The affair got so hot that he rented an apartment for her in Lagos so that they would stop spending so much on hotel bills.
The arrangement worked perfectly for her because she didn’t have to pay rent or buy anything
He was responsible for her lifestyle and all

Then December came and the USA guy blazed into town.
The other married man was based in Ibadan, and she was based in Lagos.
She told the married man she was travelling to see her parents and locked up the apartment he rented for her.
She moved into a five-star hotel with the American lover
The married man suspected something was fishy and began to do investigations.
He eventually located the hotel she was in and lodged into the same hotel for some days
Inevitably, they met at the bar.
She said she saw him and looked away, and he didn’t dare say a word.

His investigation was an effort in futility as far as she was concerned.
He was married and had no right demanding accountability from her.
She said he had no option but to maintain coded communication with her until February, when her December man left the country.

When they eventually saw, the married man was the one lavishing her with gifts and begging her not to leave him.
She said she couldn’t have had such a luxury if she were with a single guy.

Her case was quite similar to James Bond’s worldview.
Relationships that demand no accountability are framed in such a manner that those in it are only in it for the pleasure and sometimes a bit of emotional satisfaction and nothing more.

Those in marital relationships demand accountability from each other.
This accountability should not be demanded in an unhealthy manner that leaves a partner feeling all choked out and imprisoned to his or her partner.
Marriage must offer a healthy liberty to the individuals in it otherwise it becomes a choke hold and nobody likes being in a cage.

A healthy marriage thrives on trust and not on policing one’s partner.
If you are in a marriage and you have to police your partner by checking his or her phones and planting listening devices in their spaces and/or cloning their phones or WhatsApp or any social media handle they own, your marriage is dead already.
I am sorry to be the bearer of that news, but it is true.

Ps: We have arrived in Abuja in preparation for Saturday’s Northern Nigeria Convention.
Make sure you arrive on time for the celebration of El-Elyon.