Coping Narratives

A man wrote to me
He said he was the one who sponsored his wife through medical school and has kept her on a great lifestyle for over ten years.
His wife started cheating on him and he caught her red-handed.
He reported the matter to her parents
Her parents invited the two of them for a meeting
When they got there, he said his wife suddenly alleged that she was not too sure his source of wealth was legitimate, and for that reason, she cheated.
He said he was shocked.
He had never done anything illegal in his life, and his wife knew this.
I asked him how he replied her.
He said he didn't.
His wife's father was the one that said, "We didn't come here to investigate your husband's source of wealth, we came here to ask you to give an account of your actions that led to cheating on your husband. Don't change the topic!"
He said his wife suddenly started crying and said it was the devil.
She also mentioned that she got carried away by the attention an old classmate from the university gave her and this led to the unfortunate incident.
The husband said the issue had been sorted for over a year, but he still hurts in his heart whenever his wife asks him to give her some money.
He said he didn't feel as free as he was before to spend money on her lavishly and this has been a source of tension for him in the marriage.

This is my response to him:
It is normal for people to turn the glory they once coveted from afar, the same glory that drew them to you and made them become your friend or wife or lover, the same glory they benefitted from and are still benefitting from, to shame when they are having a misunderstanding with you.
It is not unusual to hear someone you sponsored through school say something like, "Will he be the first to do it?" or "Did he not sleep with me?"
or "What is the big deal in her sponsoring me through school?" or "What is the big deal in her bringing me to the UK?"
It goes both ways
The male gender would acknowledge the support in most cases and sometimes offer to pay their female partners back when things go sour.
This is because of the predominant role associated with men as providers and not necessarily because they were the more honourable gender.
It belittles the man in some climes if he is perceived as someone who takes advantage of ladies.
For the female gender, belittling the glory or diminishing it with their words helps them manage or cope psychologically in a misunderstanding or in case of a breakup.
People will often ask her why she is leaving her man, being that the man is rich and most ladies would prefer to be with such a man.
She, on the other hand, would have to defend her decision, and since the issue is his wealth, she could say the money was diabolic or from some criminal proceed or tainted.
She does not need to provide proof.
Diminishing the glory helps her cope with moving on without it.
It is a normal human behaviour.

Nothing to fear!

-GSW-