Being Made

I often wonder how i got here 
What if I didn't respond when He called? 
What if I insisted on digging for water 
all by myself?
What if I didn't pay attention to 
His prompting and calling? 
What if I still slacked as I once did 
because it was an unpredictable path 
and I had mouths to feed 
What if I didn't see his visitations as 
anything but the reassurance of His 
realness? 
What if i had allowed the ones who 
said "Conform" and "Fall in line" to 
badger my spirit into submission 
What if I had allowed my past to 
drown me in uncertain waters? 
I remember a call
I received from a certain Brother Emmanuel 
who I went to the University with some 
years ago. 
At the time I was working for Ekklesia 
Magazine and the magazine depended 
on support from believers who sowed 
seed into the ministry and partnered 
with its founder. 
I joined them in 2008
I was their "money man" (Not in terms of 
giving me money but in terms of being 
the one the ministry sends out at the end 
of the month to collect pledges, offerings 
and partner seed from salary earners 
all over Lagos. Pastor Kehinde Bayekusi 
was the brains behind Ekklesia, he was
the first man of God i saw in person 
who left a job with Mobil to become a 
publisher that was solely reliant of 
"charity" work. 
His ministry in my opinion was a tough 
one, he drove a Chrysler which someone 
sowed into the ministry and did all 
things as one sent by God. 
I didn't envy him at all! 
Last I heard of him, he relocated abroad 
after the magazine folded up. 
This brother saw my phone number on 
one of the magazines as a marketer and 
called to lambaste me for defrauding 
people in the name of Jesus 
I was very sensitive at that period of my 
life and I didn't want to be labeled 
by anybody. 
I foolishly resigned and joined one man 
running a start-up business Ojota for a 
brief season marketing customized and 
branded waste bins. 
I knew it had nothing to do with my 
path in life but i was so scared, God, 
I was so haunted by the ghost
of the past that I sent myself on spiritual 
exile! 
I was made to think God cannot walk 
with such as I. Somehow I kept going to
 church, trying to work my way out of 
the guilt I carried in my heart for so long 
Trying to pay penance for mistakes I 
made that affected other believers
who loved and trusted me once but 
whom I have repaid with my disappointing 
choices 
How could God love such as I? 
How could the brethren accept such as I? 
The news is everywhere, I was irredeemable? 
I was the lost without a desire to be found 
I remember those days spent on the
couch of pain and regret 
My sweat and tears indelibly stained 
that couch 
I just didn't how I got into the hole I dug 
and I was too lost in the maze to get out 
Self-pity is an evil forest 
Regret is a swamp 
Once you get into either, the only way 
is downward! 
Your tears will make your path muddy 
and slippery It is like digging one's grave 
before facing the hangman's noose 
None knew the burden on my young 
shoulders I had seen a glorious future 
in 2007 
All was bleak in 2008 
I was practically a walking dead in 2009 
None saw it, none but the One who loves
unconditionally 
The Holy Spirit came for me in 2009, 
August 8! 
That was the call out of the dark place 
He said "Son, why do you refrain from 
my love?" 
I had no answer I had assumed he 
wouldn't want ought to do with me 
because of my failings 
I had made a monumental mistake 
in my judgment I treated him like a man 
I misjudged the one true friend who I 
ought to run to for help 
I assumed He was my enemy and had 
cast me away too 
That day, He was all smile and warmth 
He was open and inviting Sincerely, 
I felt it was a trick my grandmother used 
to play on us as children. 
If you offend my grandmother, she would 
pretend all was well. 
Out of the blue, she would ask you to 
bring her something (A cup of water, a 
broom, an empty plate) 
When you are about to give her what 
she asked you to bring, she would 
suddenly grab your wrist and draw you
close to herself 
Before you can say GSW, you will feel 
her slap and pinch on your body. 
She still did it with me when i took my 
grandchildren to our family house in 
the village recently, I fell for it! 
So that was what I felt the Holy Spirit's 
friendliness and love was that night
I walked into his light reluctantly and 
cried out the guilt 
I cried until suddenly I didn't feel like 
the whole world was on my shoulders 
anymore 
I slept for the first time after many months 
without heaving and startling awake 
That was the turn around i needed 
The next day one of the pastors in the 
church i was attending at the time asked 
me if i would be free to follow him to Ajah 
for a ministration as his interpreter 
Oh, God! 
Oh, God! 
That brother wouldn't know it was the 
Holy Spirit that sent him to instruct me 
subtly that I am still relevant in the
plan of God! 
I followed him to Ajah, we were treated 
like royalty and even given honorarium! 
Honorawhat? 
I said I didn't want 
The ministration was enough for me but 
the Pastor insisted I had to take it 
The Maze gave way after then 
I was totally out of the doldrums 
His love sought me out. 
There is none of us that is too far 
gone to be saved 
What is it that has weakened your 
walk and broken your hip like the 
hip of Jacob? 
Is it money? Is it power? 
Is there an addiction? 
Are you a liar? 
A cheat and a thief? 
Are you a slave to anger and strife? 
Are you hard-hearted or full of bitterness 
Are you choking under the yoke of religion 
or broken by the bonds of masturbation? 
Is it your marriage? 
Your finances? 
Your dignity? 
How many women have you slept with? 
What is your body count dear sister? 
Have you embezzled God's money or 
swindled his church? 
What have you broken? 
Is it your mind or your body? 
Do you think He has deserted or 
abandoned you? 
You're feeling like ending it all? 
I have met your kinsman-redeemer, 
the one whose love is melody and music 
What a lover he is 
Wow! 
Do you know that his love also washes?
Like the way that lady caught in adultery 
walked away holier than her accusers? 
You were the one who messed up, yet 
your encounter with him transforms 
your reality in such a way that those 
whom you wronged would wonder 
how you became a shining light powered 
by the Holy Spirit
Dont give up on God! 
No matter how clumsy and crooked your 
path is 
His burden is truly light and his yoke easy 
If you see anything Christlike in any 
believer, please note, that such didn't 
do that by self 
He or she was made and is still being 
made by the Holy Spirit daily!
I am inviting you to come back into His love 
To return to the One whose reality is 
truth and Love 
I am inviting you to the water of washing, 
and the spirit of light 
I am inviting into the Son 
Jesus loves you 
The Holy Spirit loves you 
Do not mind any other 
Just come to Jesus now!