I often wonder how i got here
What if I didn't respond when He called?
What if I insisted on digging for water
all by myself?
What if I didn't pay attention to
His prompting and calling?
What if I still slacked as I once did
because it was an unpredictable path
and I had mouths to feed
What if I didn't see his visitations as
anything but the reassurance of His
What if i had allowed the ones who
said "Conform" and "Fall in line" to
badger my spirit into submission
What if I had allowed my past to
drown me in uncertain waters?
I remember a call
I received from a certain Brother Emmanuel
who I went to the University with some
At the time I was working for Ekklesia
Magazine and the magazine depended
on support from believers who sowed
seed into the ministry and partnered
with its founder.
I joined them in 2008
I was their "money man" (Not in terms of
giving me money but in terms of being
the one the ministry sends out at the end
of the month to collect pledges, offerings
and partner seed from salary earners
all over Lagos. Pastor Kehinde Bayekusi
was the brains behind Ekklesia, he was
the first man of God i saw in person
who left a job with Mobil to become a
publisher that was solely reliant of
His ministry in my opinion was a tough
one, he drove a Chrysler which someone
sowed into the ministry and did all
things as one sent by God.
I didn't envy him at all!
Last I heard of him, he relocated abroad
after the magazine folded up.
This brother saw my phone number on
one of the magazines as a marketer and
called to lambaste me for defrauding
people in the name of Jesus
I was very sensitive at that period of my
life and I didn't want to be labeled
I foolishly resigned and joined one man
running a start-up business Ojota for a
brief season marketing customized and
branded waste bins.
I knew it had nothing to do with my
path in life but i was so scared, God,
I was so haunted by the ghost
of the past that I sent myself on spiritual
I was made to think God cannot walk
with such as I. Somehow I kept going to
church, trying to work my way out of
the guilt I carried in my heart for so long
Trying to pay penance for mistakes I
made that affected other believers
who loved and trusted me once but
whom I have repaid with my disappointing
How could God love such as I?
How could the brethren accept such as I?
The news is everywhere, I was irredeemable?
I was the lost without a desire to be found
I remember those days spent on the
couch of pain and regret
My sweat and tears indelibly stained
I just didn't how I got into the hole I dug
and I was too lost in the maze to get out
Self-pity is an evil forest
Regret is a swamp
Once you get into either, the only way
Your tears will make your path muddy
and slippery It is like digging one's grave
before facing the hangman's noose
None knew the burden on my young
shoulders I had seen a glorious future
All was bleak in 2008
I was practically a walking dead in 2009
None saw it, none but the One who loves
The Holy Spirit came for me in 2009,
That was the call out of the dark place
He said "Son, why do you refrain from
I had no answer I had assumed he
wouldn't want ought to do with me
because of my failings
I had made a monumental mistake
in my judgment I treated him like a man
I misjudged the one true friend who I
ought to run to for help
I assumed He was my enemy and had
cast me away too
That day, He was all smile and warmth
He was open and inviting Sincerely,
I felt it was a trick my grandmother used
to play on us as children.
If you offend my grandmother, she would
pretend all was well.
Out of the blue, she would ask you to
bring her something (A cup of water, a
broom, an empty plate)
When you are about to give her what
she asked you to bring, she would
suddenly grab your wrist and draw you
close to herself
Before you can say GSW, you will feel
her slap and pinch on your body.
She still did it with me when i took my
grandchildren to our family house in
the village recently, I fell for it!
So that was what I felt the Holy Spirit's
friendliness and love was that night
I walked into his light reluctantly and
cried out the guilt
I cried until suddenly I didn't feel like
the whole world was on my shoulders
I slept for the first time after many months
without heaving and startling awake
That was the turn around i needed
The next day one of the pastors in the
church i was attending at the time asked
me if i would be free to follow him to Ajah
for a ministration as his interpreter
That brother wouldn't know it was the
Holy Spirit that sent him to instruct me
subtly that I am still relevant in the
plan of God!
I followed him to Ajah, we were treated
like royalty and even given honorarium!
I said I didn't want
The ministration was enough for me but
the Pastor insisted I had to take it
The Maze gave way after then
I was totally out of the doldrums
His love sought me out.
There is none of us that is too far
gone to be saved
What is it that has weakened your
walk and broken your hip like the
hip of Jacob?
Is it money? Is it power?
Is there an addiction?
Are you a liar?
A cheat and a thief?
Are you a slave to anger and strife?
Are you hard-hearted or full of bitterness
Are you choking under the yoke of religion
or broken by the bonds of masturbation?
Is it your marriage?
How many women have you slept with?
What is your body count dear sister?
Have you embezzled God's money or
swindled his church?
What have you broken?
Is it your mind or your body?
Do you think He has deserted or
You're feeling like ending it all?
I have met your kinsman-redeemer,
the one whose love is melody and music
What a lover he is
Do you know that his love also washes?
Like the way that lady caught in adultery
walked away holier than her accusers?
You were the one who messed up, yet
your encounter with him transforms
your reality in such a way that those
whom you wronged would wonder
how you became a shining light powered
by the Holy Spirit
Dont give up on God!
No matter how clumsy and crooked your
His burden is truly light and his yoke easy
If you see anything Christlike in any
believer, please note, that such didn't
do that by self
He or she was made and is still being
made by the Holy Spirit daily!
I am inviting you to come back into His love
To return to the One whose reality is
truth and Love
I am inviting you to the water of washing,
and the spirit of light
I am inviting into the Son
Jesus loves you
The Holy Spirit loves you
Do not mind any other
Just come to Jesus now!