Why She Can Divorce Hers and Snatch Yours

The way you see things as a wife is different from the way you see things as a girlfriend

As a wife, you are entitled to the faithfulness of your husband, and if he fails to deliver in that regard, you have a right to demand that he sit up or you walk out of the marriage.

When you walk out of the marriage, you are no longer a wife.

You cannot demand anything from anybody.

What you can do is court the affection of a man and hope he will reciprocate.

If he does and you really like him, you want to keep his company and situate him properly in your life.

If the man is married, people begin to scream that you left your husband for cheating on you, and you are now luring another woman's husband away from his wife.

What they are not getting is the fact that you cannot relate with all that talk.

You are not married anymore.

You are single now and you can only see things through that lens.

If a married man comes correct into your life with all the attending benefits, are you supposed to turn him down simply because he is married

Did other ladies turn your own ex-husband down when he approached them?

We see from the lens of where we are at the moment and not from the past or the present.

Brother, take, for instance, a side chick who got married. You will see how she will be watchful so that her husband does not get a side chick while married to her.

Why are side chicks who got married not saying, "since I was a side chick, it is okay for my husband to have a side chick too."

They cannot see through the lens of the side chick anymore.

When they were side chicks, they would be careful where they post pictures, who they take pictures with, not to meet with the wife of the man and to avoid claiming the relationship in any way.

That is the side chick's lens.

When the same side chick gets married, she will flaunt the relationship, do photo shoots, and announce her wins on every platform.

She is now wearing the lens of a wife.

She cannot see from a side chick's perspective anymore.

That movie, starring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, is Pretty Woman.

She was a prostitute, but the man began to treat her like a respectable lady.

One day, he told his friend she was a prostitute, and the friend wanted to sleep with her.

She said, "You shouldn't have told him I am a prostitute when I am dressed up and acting like a respectful lady.

I couldn't perform as a prostitute when I am in a respectful lady's character.

You would have let me wear my tatty clothes, so that I could act as a proper prostitute.

That is how the mind of a woman works.

When she is married, she will act like a wife, think like a wife, talk like a wife, have a wife's expectation which must be met, and if she feels it was not worth it, she could walk away.

After the divorce, she would think like a divorcee, talk like a divorcee, act like a divorcee, behave like a divorcee, and have the expectations of a divorcee.

That is the lens

You cannot tell her not to date married men or become a second or third wife or a baby mama or a lesbian or a member of a polycule or a nun or remain single and celibate.

She will have to look at all her choices and make a decision as to which lens she would like to see the world through in her new definition.

Whatever lens she chose, it is her business, and it is how she would engage the world.

If she chose your husband because he is available, it is your husband you have a business with, not her!

You cannot guilt-trip her, shame her, or talk down to her using her past lenses.

She is no longer that person.

She has been reinvented, so everybody must get with the script and stop using yesterday's character to judge today's performance.

Most people don't get that.

Because Julia Roberts acted as a prostitute in Pretty Woman does not mean you will watch Erin Brokovich and expect her to continue to play the prostitute.

Now movie, new role, new character, new actor and so on

I hope this helps, sir.

-Adetutu Benson, Human Behavioural Scientist

PS: I got this in the mail and thought to share.

It is quite insightful but I am not sure every lady here will agree or see things the same way.