Wrong Turns

Whoosh! Good morning sir
These stories are getting me thinking 
so much
I almost didn't want to believe they
are true!
Oh my!
Weary heart, slippery slope amongst others
are so shocking
Many blessings for the stories
Weary heart especially convinced me
that the stories are true
My story was very similar to the story
of the lady in Weary Heart
I slept with a handful of guys or more
to keep myself in school when i was
in the university
My father refused to foot my bill after 
100 level
I didn't do it for pleasure 
I was desperate and helpless
I usually cry and curse during the act
I had a boyfriend at the time
He loved me and thought we had a 
future together
But he couldn't meet my need at the
time
Love cannot pay my school fees
Love cannot put food on my table
Love cannot buy my toiletries
Love was not enough
I liked him and agreed to be with him
We were having sex and courting
the way we know-how
But when the issues with my father
came up
All he had to offer me were words
and consolation
It didn't stop him from playing with
me until I lost myself in the brief
consolation sex had to offer
While we were together, i had a lot
of admirers
Most of them were married
Some were not
I made a conscious decision to
take advantage of their desire for
me on a financial level
So I started cheating on my boyfriend
I did it partly to get rid of him
Having a constant boyfriend while
sleeping around was a drag!
You have to lie, and explain and
sometimes hide in fear
He ought to just go away
We were not married and I do not
want the relationship anymore
even though I was somehow stuck
because i never had the guts to 
break up with him
we were living together at the time!
I didn't have enough for my own
accommodation at the time
and i was determined to stay in school
So I was sending mixed messages
I was psychologically and emotionally
out of the relationship
But we still sleep in the same room 
and share the same bed out of
necessity
This complicated the whole situation
He was also obsessed with me
In a very crazy way!
He would smell my panties when i
get back to his room
He would trail me from Lagos State
University to Ikeja or anywhere
else in Lagos where i had an appointment
On one occasion, I was almost ran
over by a trailer while I was trying
to escape from him!
I went to meet one of my "friends" and
we had sex
When i got back to the room he smelled
my panties and became very violent
He started beating me
So I ran!
He chased me and only luck saved me
from untimely death that day
In truth, I cannot remember the number of 
men I slept with in that season of
my life
Most of them were not students at all
Most of them are also married
Married guys are more generous to
ladies they sleep with because they feel
guilty for cheating on their wives and
they want to compensate the lady
they are sleeping with very well so that
she can pick their call next time
and also so that she wouldn't make any
trouble with them that could get back
home to their wives
Since they couldn't make any promise
towards the future, they had to keep
the entire transaction in the present
by moneytizing emotional currency
In fact, one of the guys I used to sleep with 
contacted me just a few weeks ago and 
i didn't even remember him not to talk of 
remembering that I slept with him
Most of the guys came for me,
I had a crush on one or two that I had
sex with for "feeling" but most of the
others got in my pants in exchange
for whatever they had to offer me at
the time
I remember one of them very well
A stinkingly rich captain in the
Nigerian Airforce
We were both in a department of the
church and sleeping together
I think he was sleeping with some
other women also in the church
He wanted to marry me but it didn't
work out
Eventually I decided to give my 
life to Jesus
This was after graduation
I remember those days clearly
i used to feel so dirty and worthless
It was as if i had traded my dignity
and worth for nothing
I had the degree I wanted
I served and decided i had to turn a
new leaf
I went to a church in FESTAC
The pastor preached
I dont even remember what the sermon
was about
I was determined to give my life to Jesus
right from home
I went out for the altar call
I became a believer
I was registered in the nw believer's
class
A team was assigned to follow me up
The pastor also
He was very caring
I had a lot of financial needs at this time
I was job hunting and trying to put my
life together
If i continued sleeping around at this
time
I could as well register as a prostitute
Because I had no excuse
I was under pressure to pay school fees
and get an education when it all
started
What would I say was the reason this
time
Hunger? House rent? Clothes?
I knew I would get it right
I just wanted to rebuild from the scratch
Head off in a new direction
This pastor was a godsend
He sent me money and had words
of encouragement for me
We grew quite close
I would visit him in his office
He sometimes took me to whispering 
palms in Badagry
He would say he wanted to unwind
He wanted to sleep with me
I was not a novice, I saw the signs
but he always managed to
restrain himself when I told him to
One day he lured me to their family
house
The house was usually very crowded
and i felt it was a safe place to meet
with this pastor
Apparently, he knew no one would
be at home that day
I had so much respect for him
But he raped me!
Well, let me call it partial rape!
Before then, he used to kiss and
finger me in his car or any enclosed
place
I used to protest that it was wrong
He would say "God knows our frame,
He knows we are dust"
I heard this this scripture for the
first time from his mouth!
Imagine!
I felt he was just kind when he got
so interested in my affairs and
started giving me money!
Even the kissing and the fingering
were to me, a sign of his weakness
I didn't count it as much
But that day in that house with me
I tried as much as I could to resist
him
He was prepared and determined
He was tired of the stolen moments
He had his way
That was the last day I was ever with
him
I just couldn't stand him anymore
Some months later, he migrated
to America!
Do you know that the Holy Spirit was
with me even through all this?
remember I said I gave my life to
Jesus in this pastor's church
I did so with a determination to change
the course of my life
I wasn't stirred by the sermon or
the pastor's personality 
I wanted a change in my life!
The change happened!
The course of my life changed
drastically
I got a job and was able to live
a fairly normal life without having to
sleep with anybody unless I wanted to
I also became more prayerful
I studied the scriptures and got
interested in the things of God!
I found the light to be so different 
from darkness
I met my husband
I confidently told him everything
I made sure I left nothing out
He listened and said as far as he was
concerned I am a brand new person
If Jesus didn't reject me, he wouldn't!
He married me and we have been 
blessed with bundles of joy!
While I regret the path I took
and realised how risky and unwise
the choices I made were
I did everything with an air of reckless
fatalism!
I was angry with my father for neglecting 
my education and I disliked the obsessive
nature of my boyfriend at the time
I reacted purely out of emotion
I wanted to self destruct in such a
way that my father would hold himself
responsible for my undoing!
This never happened!
I was lucky I didn't infected with any
disease or get used for money ritual
or other fetish stuff!
I took foolish risks and somehow survived
Can you believe i do not feel like
crap anymore?
My self esteem was restored by the
Holy Spirit after we started our relationship
I stopped hurting from the rape also
I am a blessed daughter of Zion
God is pleased with me!
Hallelujah!

PS: This daughter of Zion and her
family lives in Lagos, Nigeria
She is my sister and I am very happy
the Holy Spirit nudged her to tell me
her story!
It is a proof that the gospel's transforming
power is real!
What are you going through
at the moment?
What is that situation that has derailed
you
A turn to Jesus is a turn around
Dont make any long term plans
Just come to Jesus!
He will sort you out by the power
of the Holy Spirit!