A Day To Unlive

A Day To Unlive

I wrote a story once titled 
The drum and the drumstick
It was creative and very expressive
Many people loved it. It was a 
poetic expression of love and passion. 
I wrote it after reading through the 
songs of Solomon.
This lady read it and came 
into my DM. She wrote her own 
version of it or should I call 
it a response.
What she wrote 
was beautiful and we became friends,
DM friends. I had never met 
her but she introduced herself 
and told me so much about her.
Her mother was a banker.
Her relationships don't work out and 
I sensed she was very lonely and 
desired a relationship.

I was MARRIED and I told her so
Perhaps I should have blocked her 
but I didn't. I still wouldn't 
if I met her today.
I attract all sorts and I know 
the power of the gospel
This was seven years ago.

This lady would write to me daily
My DM became a journal of sorts 
to her. I never responded to her 
messages in like manner
I'd read and say "Good for you"
"Well done"
"That thought is not really of God"etc
One day she called me out 
of the blue on WhatsApp
It was a video Call.
It was at about 9:30 in the 
morning. I was at the office 
getting some work done.
As soon as I picked the call 
I noticed she was totally naked
I cut the call immediately.
She laughed at me.
She said "What is it, why 
are you acting like a puritan?"
Perhaps I should have said "Dont
do that again or You're a destiny 
destroyer in human clothing"
I didn't.
I said I was at work and 
such a call is totally against 
my office policy (I was working 
as a PA to a Pastor at this 
season of my life). I admit it 
could be seen as tacit encouragement. 
I didn't say don't do
that ever again.
I hid behind my "work"

She apologized but the conversation 
went south from that point. 
She started telling me about her 
sex life and escapades. 
From her first boyfriend to the last one 
and everything that went down
(She wrote all this to me in 
the DM). Again, I didn't respond in kind.
I read and gave cryptic responses like
She would tease me
Call me a puritan and say "I know 
you have a lot to learn"
I sense you're sexually inhibited or 
sometimes she'd say You're 
not as expressive as I expected 
based on the article you wrote 
that brought me to your DM.

I'd say something like "I am 
not that kind of guy, I don't 
jump on everything in skirt or 
something close to that"
One day she took it a step further, 
told me she was feeling like 
having sex and had been restless for 
a few days. She asked if I could 
come and see her or if she 
should come around. I ignored her 
and blocked her at that point.

Let me say that it wasn't because 
I was HOLY or Uninterested. I did 
that because I hated being chased 
by a woman. I have always hated 
being the hunted. It is not a 
religious thing. I am very aware 
that subtle control is a thing and 
I don't like being in the cross hairs 
of someone who had an agenda with 
me on the list.

Communication stopped for about a month. 
I had even started forgetting 
about her when I got to the office 
one day and I was told someone was waiting 
to see me at the reception. 
It was this lady. I welcomed her with 
a hug and invited her into the office 
from the reception. She came in 
and said she was going for an interior 
decoration gig and decided to stop 
by at my office
I said "Oh"
She said "Yeah"
I said "Will you like to eat?
She said yes.
I took her to a restaurant close 
to my office
We sat down.
We talked and she had a meal.
I was fasting that day, so I didn't 
eat anything. The discussion was flat.
After about an hour, she said 
she'd like to leave. I drove her 
to the nearest bus stop and she 
left with a goodbye. I got back 
to the office around noon. I didn't 
send a message or unblock her.

She came back the following week
Again, she got to my office at 
about 9am. I came in a few minutes 
later. We got into my office.
I wanted to ask her if all 
was well. She said "What did I do 
wrong? Don't you like me or want 
to be with me? I said 
"I don't understand"
She said "I thought you'd declare 
your love the last time you saw me"
I said "It would have been a lie. 
There was no love left to declare
She said "You're very controlling and 
I find that to be very manipulative. 
How can someone like you be a pastor? 
You're a user and too unemotional 
to care about anybody. I came 
to give you a piece of my mind.
You took advantage of me and my 
vulnerability and you're acting 
all pious. 
May God judge and punish you"

I didn't know what to say at 
that point. So I kept quiet
Then she said "I will expose you, 
you cannot be doing this to people 
and claim to be a man of God. 
Jesus was moved with compassion!
Even if I was the devil, I mean, 
didn't Jesus sleep with Mary Magdalene? 
Or didn't you read about that in your 
You should have shown some emotion or 
even pretend that you care! 
Then she stormed out of 
my office. I made a mistake 
at this point. I can't explain what I
 was thinking lucidly at this moment.

I felt she was going to the 
social media to write stuff about me 
and drag me. So I went to my 
twitter DM and copied all her messages. 
I saved them in my Gmail as evidence. 
I wanted the world to know I didn't do 
anything to solicit or encourage her.
I was mounting a defense.
She didn't do anything like that.
and I didn't hear from her again 
till today but my wife saw the 
messages in my Gmail and got alarmed. 
I had to answer tough questions and 
if you know how it feels to defend an 
allegation that makes you feel like 
a culprit when you're not one, 
you'd understand my plight.

It is all water under the bridge 
at the moment. I always remember 
this episode and Sigh
Being a "Man of God" requires so 
much more than caring for the world 
and thinking you can bring salvation 
to everybody. This lady was a member 
of a religious sect that is non-christian 
and I assumed she would change 
if I kept close enough but not too close.
It backfired!

I am not saying I did everything 
right in my dealings with her.
I daresay that I could have been 
the one with a proper dragging with 
pictorial receipts on the Internet 
if I didn't close that video chat
she initiated that fateful day
If I had been at home, perhaps 
I'd entertain the call and be in 
dire trouble. A lot of things made it 
impossible for me to dig myself 
into a hole that I couldn't get 
out of.

I am not defending myself or anyone 
here. I am saying that conversation 
can snowball into something else if 
we don't pay attention. The world 
will feed on evidence and generate any 
context they like to ridicule anyone 
they dislike. 
The conversation provides the context. 
What led to what?

A man looking at a naked woman 
could get an erection, he may 
even post the picture as evidence 
to her to urge her on the path 
she was taking!
It doesn't make him evil or invalidate 
his call. He made a mistake and 
we all do. His title notwithstanding,
He is a man!
The lesson learnt from this will 
only make him stronger as he would 
never repeat this mistake again 
in his life.

If there is a day one can 
choose to unlive...
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