A Letter From Aba III

In December 2024, when I told him that we needed to travel, my brother gave us money. So, I was trying to explain that we had an issue before I went, you know, all over.

The issue was that I should wash the dishes in the house.

So I told him I was not around, and he left the dishes for me to wash, even though I was gone for weeks. Usually, even if I'm sick, I will still come out with my sickness and wash the dishes. I will still come out in the sickness and bathe the children, give them food, brush them, and clean them up.

So this one, I told him that it is not fair. I was now sick, and when I got better, I went to the general meeting of the choir. I told you my kids go for their appraisal meeting. You could have just cleaned up.

At the meeting I went to, I stayed there till evening, but my children did not eat.

I gave them food and left.

When I came back, they had not eaten because they were waiting for me to come back to give them food. I came back, and I gave them food. I kept telling him this is not fair. You are not treating me nice, if I do this to you, you will not like it. He said I have to wash the dishes. So I tried to explain to him that I was sick when these dishes were here. All you could have done was wash them, um, you know, take care of the kids, I'm not, um, feeling well. When I'm not feeling well, at least take care of myself until I'm better. So he said, he was not washing the dishes, that I have to do them. So I told him that because of that, I am not washing them.

Those dishes were there; we were supposed to travel. He said we were not traveling until the dishes were washed.

I told him that's being unkind.

Now, because I insisted on the dishes that I was not gonna wash the dishes, he refused to take us to Aba. Meanwhile I have sent, I had sent the whole money that was sent to me for the transportation. He said he needed all that money for the transportation to go and come back. I sent everything to him.

Then he said we were not going to Aba. I said fine, if you are not taking the kids, I will go alone. I carried my bag and left the house that morning. Now that I had left the house, I sat down at a place and thought about it. I said no, let me go back. So when I went to the back, when I went back to the house, he had locked the door.

He locked the door, and I knocked and knocked and knocked; he refused to open the door.

Now remember that our house is unfinished, so the staircase entering the living room was makeshift, which I also was the one who did it.

There is a makeshift, um, staircase, backyard, and front yard. So I fell and broke my ribs on that makeshift staircase.

You know how you use blocks to, you know, one block, two blocks, three blocks on top of each other. So that's how that, um, staircase was.

I fell and broke my ribs.

I knocked, I texted him, I shouted, I've hurt myself, you need to open the door, let's check it out, I've hurt myself. He heard me, he read my text, he saw my calls, and he refused to open the door.

It was getting to evening, so that's from morning, from around 11:00, I think, around 10:00 or 11:00 was when this started happening. He didn't open the door until I called that woman, the madam.

The madam called him and told him to open the door. That was when he opened the door, and that was around 6:00 pm in the evening. So I sat down outside my house all day with the sun shining directly on me, and he refused to open the door.

When he opened the door, he started like let him take care of me, I told him don't touch me. That was when he said let's go to Aba next, that we are going to Aba the next day. The mistake I made was that when I got down to my parents' house, I did not tell them what happened. I wish I did. I didn't tell them what happened; I just told them I hurt myself.

Now, when we were in Aba, I called him and told him let's fix this problem, and let's try and see a counselor.

So he was doing, you know, fix the problem, fix the problem, that's what I'm not ready to fix the problem?

I told him I'm the one that is calling you, let's fix the problem and this is the, you know, what you're telling me. He started comparing me to other homeschool women, that other homeschool women they keep their home, they do this, they do that.

I now asked him, those other homeschool women, because two other homeschool women are my friends, also that he knows, these homeschool women you're talking about, remember that they have nannies in their house, in fact, one has a nanny, and one has, um, a, um, a maid.

So why are you comparing me with these people, when my kids are young, and I am basically the one doing everything in the house while providing also, and you are comparing me to people?

He now compared me to the madam's daughter, that the madam's daughter is a, is doing her master's, is doing her PhD, I think she's doing her PhD now, is doing her PhD, that she's this one she's industrious, she's this one. I now told him why you didn't go and marry her? You saw her before you came to me and told me to marry you.

Why didn't you go and marry her, since she's all these things you are mentioning, and I am not? And I told him that I have never compared him to any human being amidst all these things, amidst the lack, amidst the emotional distancing, amidst all these things, I have never compared you to any human being. Why will you compare me to other women?

Now, after I got well, a bit better because the place was still hurting, I went to Enugu by myself, with my own transport money, to go and fix my marriage.

When I got there, because the house is dusty so when we were leaving to stay for days, we cover the pillow on the bed, you know, from dust, because of I wasn't that day I, I was sick now so I didn't do anything that morning of our travel to Aba he was the one that did all those things. But I discovered that he did not cover my bed he did not cover he did not cover my pillow, we were still sleeping on the same bed by then, he did not cover my pillow. But he covered every other person's pillow.

So all those while I've been in Aba, the dust was just resting on my pillow. When I came to Enugu, I didn't know the bed was not covered. I slept on it, and then I got sick that same night.

So I went out to buy medications for me, and as I said, medications in Enugu were just stopped working because I've taken them so much that they weren't working for me anymore, and I didn't know, so I didn't come with my own from Aba.

So, I tried to, you know, get over it, and then we tried to discuss our pain points. I told him see let's see a counselor.

Tell me exactly what I'm doing to you that you don't like. He still refused. We have now made a list of the things I explained to him that he needs to help with around the house.

We made a list of the things he should be doing, and I should be doing, and how we will run it. We both agreed on the list we made. Then, um, we settled our issue, I believed we did.

We came back to Aba to pick up the children.

On our way, I used my money to buy gas. Remember, I gave him everything, which was 100,000. I gave him everything to buy gas, but on our way, he said he didn't have it because there was no gas. I used my money to pay for gas. The money they charged me twice was 30,000 Naira

So when I told him I didn't realize it then, so when we got back to Enugu, I told him what happened.

He was now like I should not worry now that he will pay it, that he will pay me back. I told him this is not the first time you're saying you'll pay me back, that you don't pay me back, because there have been a lot of other instances which I let go because we are husband and wife but this one I had to call my sister to go and see if there is a way that they can get the money back because at that point what I had in my account was 3,000 something after the double charge.

Now, the money he did not pay back

Now, when we got back to Aba, somebody that we had an agreement with on how we would start living so that there would be peace, everything we agreed on, that was it. Nothing was upheld; I still went back to square one of doing everything.

Now, he will go to the madam's house, he will stay there till night, he said they are working on something. Okay, no problem, at least when you are at home, be available now, let me at least know that there's somebody at home. You are not available, even on Sundays, no, no time you are available, there is no fair o, I kept screaming this thing.

Then one day, I just locked up. I was like this is it, I'm done complaining. However, you want to live your life. And that was in August 2025. He will travel, he will not tell me, oh, I've arrived o wherever I travel to, he will stay there one week, he will not call and say how the family is? How are the children?

He will travel; he will not drop one naira in the house. I'll be the one taking care of the children. I'll be the one providing for them everything.

The children started rehearsal in July of that year. He started taking them, and then when he's taking them, I'll be the one to fuel the car to go for the children to go for their rehearsal and come back, I'll be the one to fuel the car. Our road is bad.

Remember I said we're living in a village, the place is remote, so the road is really very bad, so during the rainy season we cannot go by car. So around that July, I think it took us about three or four times before the road was so bad that he stopped taking us. So the kids and I will now walk. The distance is actually very far, the walking distance, because there are no car that comes around there.

The walking distance is far, we will walk, and sometimes two times the children fell in the mud. But we endured all this because this is, you know, a choir, it's good for the kids homeschool children, they need to mix up and socialize and all that and all that.

Now we stopped going to church because of the bad road, we couldn't, um, meander the road, and I didn't really mind about the church because I am a church I don't actually like. There's nothing wrong with the church, but I just don't align, you know.

Now I've told him several times can we at least find another church where me too can grow, maybe you you are growing in this church but I'm not growing and let's find a place a, a family church that the kids can, you know, they teach about marriage, they teach about business, they teach about children parenting, stuff we can actually relate and learn from, he said no that God has not told him to leave the church.

But when, um, the madam ran for VC for the school she's teaching, in which she's lecturing, she was like the PA, you know.

So I asked him one day if this thing works, which church are you going to be going? He just said ah he will be attending the same church with her now as her PA, that he cannot be attending a different church. I now said you can be attending, you are willing to change church for her, you are not willing to change church for my own spiritual growth, and for the kids. I also let it slide.

Now, when the road got really bad, we stopped going to church, so that was why I didn't really mind that we started doing what we call church at home.

So on Sundays we do like normal church pray, preach, you know, it's like just a normal church but just, you know, very 'cos it's just us. Then he will wake up, and he has now started doing morning devotion with the kids. He will wake up and call the kids to come and do morning devotion.

Even if they are doing their morning routine because we have a morning routine, I have made a morning routine for the kids where they wake up, I'm teaching them to pray by themselves, do their morning devotion by themselves, before I now do the general morning devotion with them. And then when they are done with the morning devotion and prayers, they will do they will recite time tables, you know, just something academic and spiritual to help them in school and for their spiritual growth and independence too.

He will tell them to stop all that and come and do morning devotion with him. And then the morning devotion will take so long that by the time they are done, they can no longer do their morning routine.

So he was now, even though he's doing the right thing, it's affecting me also. I didn't complain, I was like, at least they are doing morning devotion with their dad. He will not, you know, try to, um, involve me.

So because I was angry, I also let it go 'cos I was not, um, coming to stay in a morning devotion that I'm angry.

So we started doing things apart, that's just it, both of us started doing things apart. Then, when the road got really okay, yes, I've talked about the road being really bad. I started taking the children to their rehearsal. When the road got better, I told him okay the road is dry now that was around November.

Can you start taking the children to their rehearsal? He said no. The children were going for rehearsal, they were going for piano classes that I registered them for, sewing classes, um, and so they were going for piano and sewing classes on the same day, on Fridays, while the choir rehearsal was on Saturdays. He refused to take them to any of these things. I was the one taking them.

Then, when it was time for their concert, because by Christmas they do it by December, they do a concert, the Christmas concert. When it was time for them to do their concert, he said that he wanted to take our son for a haircut

When he came back, he said he would take him to barb his hair the next day. I told him that that was the day of the concert.

So I told him this concert you've not been interested in all this while I've been the one taking them, bringing them back, even the few days you took them, I was the one who paid for you to take them. How come you are now suddenly interested? You want to go there and start doing, “my children, my children”, meanwhile, I've been the one suffering to make this rehearsal all this time. He didn't talk to me.

And then, on that morning of the concert, I was terribly sick.

So I told him to take the children to the concert once and for all, instead of taking only the boy to the barbers. He refused.

So he left the girls with me and only took the boy. So I struggled, and got the kids ready, and we went to the concert.

The parents were supposed to pay a certain amount to gain access to the concert. He didn't know, so I sent him a message, you are gonna pay so and so amount for you to be let into the concert.

He asked me if there was another way he could come in. I told him no, that he's not one of the organizers, so he can't come in free.

So he said okay, um, thank you for telling me.

He came for the concert, he took pictures with them, and he, he now wanted to leave. He told me that he was leaving. I told him no, take the children with you. He wanted to protest, but because my friends were there, I told him not to take the children with him, because as one of the organizers, I needed to help and pack up this place, as it's a park, an open place, we needed to pack up before we left. That's when he took the children.

Now, this person who has been sick, you'd not even ask me how I am, I will be sick, I will be shouting in my room

He will not even care to say what's wrong, how are you, are you okay, nothing.

When we finished the rehearsal and everything, I told him that, um, I will we will need to go there. I would like us to go there. He said okay when we are ready, I should let him know. Before then, yes, my siblings came to visit me; they paid me a surprise visit, and when they saw the state of my home, all around the house was bushy.

The bush was entering inside, the weeds were entering the window, you know, the bush and the weed was entering inside the house from the window, even though the windows were closed.

He will leave our house like this and travel and go and help his madam to run around for his own family.

So I told myself, I'm not gonna come and clear this thing up, it's not I shouldn't be the one clearing up the bushy house. You know, this is what he should do because I've gone ahead to do things that I shouldn't do, and he has left them for me to feed the children to, um, run the home. So if I do this one now, it's is not good for me to do it in fact, so I concluded I'm not gonna cut any bush, I couldn't I can't even cut the bush because I can't even do that.

So when my sister came, my big sister, my two big sisters came, one of them took a cutlass and cleared up my house.

Now, um, he traveled then, when he came back, he now saw it because I didn't tell him that they came.

He saw them, he didn't tell them I was doing anything wrong, or if I had offended him in anyway but I told my siblings what had been going on

They now said if they, you know, talk now, it will be like I called them to, you know, come and, um, fight him.

So let them not talk. I said okay no problem.

When he came back, he pretended like everything was well, you know, he did everything, he went to the bathroom, he would not flush the toilet, I would be the one to come and flush it.

Now, when my sisters were around, because it was just that one toilet, he started flushing the toilet.

When they left, he stopped. Now when my, um, when it was time to go to Aba, I told him I would like for us to go to Aba, he said fine, when we are ready, I should let him know. He, um, I told him okay that we're supposed to do an appraisal, but I don't know when, so when I get the date, I will let him know.

So I got the date for the appraisal, I told him so, and that date is the day of the appraisal.

So I told him that, um, immediately after the appraisal, like if the appraisal is today, after the appraisal, I will need to,

I want to go the next day because I was just tired of the whole scenario at home, and I just wanted to leave the environment. He said okay.

So when the date for the appraisal came out, I told him the appraisal is on so and so date, we'll be leaving on so and so date to Aba."

To Be Continued…