Control Is Key In Toxic Relationships 

When people are in a toxic relationship, they often claim they had no idea their partner was toxic until it was too late or until things escalated to verbal and physical abuse by this time, they would have invested so much in the relationship that they would find themselves unable to walk away because of the time and other resources invested. It is, however, easy to identify toxicity from the subtle signs of control toxic partner, who is naturally insecure, would exhibit as part of his or her identity or characteristics. Right from the outset, a toxic partner would make it clear he or she does not need the other partner because he or she is independent and can live his or her life without the other person. This outrightly makes the other person insecure and gives the impression of “You are the one that needs me or you are the one that came to me or you are the one who came to trouble me or you are the one who came to disturb my peace or you are the one who came to insert yourself into my life as I was doing well on my own” impression. What this does is create a power dynamic or imbalance in the place of negotiation between you and the person. He or she is the one with the power to give you conditions by which you can relate or keep in contact with him or her. While these psychological negotiations unfolded, the toxic partner remained in control of all the dynamics, presenting a picture of “I can do without you,” or “You are the one demanding to be in my life,” or “I am fine all by myself.” After you have pushed and chased for a while, the toxic partner then gives you his or her terms and conditions for the relationship to work out. Usually, by this time, you are so grateful that he or she is considering being in your life that everything he or she states would be acceptable to you. 
I am a religious person, and there is a way I want you to dress… I don’t want you relating to certain kinds of friends and relatives. This is how I am, and you will have to accept me as I am because I will never change (Toxic people never see anything wrong with how they are, and when they do, they do not invest in changing for the better; rather they find anyone who can accept them as they are and settle with such a person in a relationship that guarantees their control over the person at some personal sacrifice which is usually material in nature. For example, most toxic men and women settle for partners with low financial power whom they can provide for almost exclusively. The security they derive from providing for this person lies in the fact that they know the person would never consider leaving them, even if they exhibited the full range of their toxicity, because he or she has no financial power to walk away from the relationship. This also gives them the perfect excuse to play victim when the relationship goes sour due to their toxicity. They just flip the script and focus on all the material sacrifices they had been making in the relationship as a pointer to the fact that they settled for less because of their loving and understanding nature, which their victim has never reciprocated nor deserved. Everybody would then pity them and feel sorry for them, giving them the social validation they craved after breaking up, assuring them they are not the ones at fault, but they know in their heart that the material gifts they provided were in exchange for their wide range of bad behavioural traits and compromises, which the other party had to tolerate. On the practical side, the toxic partner does everything to ensure their victim does not attain any form of financial independence. They know that as soon as their partner becomes financially independent, they would have no other value to offer in the relationship, and their partner would walk away from them. The male toxic partner hides behind “If a woman earns more than you or as much as you, she will no longer respect you,” and for this reason, they will do everything to sabotage, peg, limit, and prevent their female partners from becoming all they could be in life and career. The female toxic partner would hide behind “When a man gets money, he will womanize. Even if he was not the kind of person to look at other women or stray from the right path, women will not let him be because of the kind of money he has at his disposal. So she would do everything in her power, even pray or go spiritual, to ensure that he does not prosper. If your love for your partner becomes so insecure that you become intimidated by his or her success financially, you are a toxic person.

 A good partner does not put himself or his interests first. Even if it would cost him or her the relationship in the long run, he or she must ensure that while their partner was in that relationship with them, he or she made great strides in all their endeavours in life. Control in relationships is when one partner uses manipulation, intimidation, or coercion to dominate the other's actions, thoughts, or emotions, creating an unhealthy power imbalance through tactics like isolation, constant criticism, and financial abuse (Financial abuse involves controlling a victim's ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources. Those who are victimized financially may be prevented from working, or the abuser may attempt to control how they use the money they earn or own) jealousy, gaslighting (Gaslighting in relationships is a manipulative tactic where one partner makes the other doubt their own reality, memory, or sanity, making them feel confused, anxious, and dependent, often by denying events, twisting facts, or making the victim feel they are "crazy," ultimately gaining control by eroding the victim's self-trust. It's a form of emotional abuse that distorts perception, making you question what's real and what isn’t, or guilt-tripping, ultimately damaging the partner's self-esteem and independence. It's a form of emotional abuse often disguised as care, but it stems from a desire for power, not love, and can escalate to physical abuse. 

Other forms of Toxic Control include: Isolation: Cutting you off from friends, family, or support systems. Jealousy & Possessiveness: Constant accusations, checking your phone/social media.
 Criticism & Belittling: Constant put-downs that undermine your confidence. 
Guilt-Tripping & Manipulation: Using "if you loved me" or "you made me feel" to get their way.
 Gaslighting: Twisting reality so you question your own memory or sanity. 
Financial Control: Dictating how you spend money or restricting access to funds. 
Silent Treatment/Withholding Affection: Using love as a reward or punishment. Micromanaging, dictating what you wear, where you go, or how you spend your time. 
Threats & Intimidation: Veiled or overt threats of harm or abandonment. Please note this: Control comes from fear and a need to dominate, often masked as protection or love. Care comes from love and seeks to empower, wanting the best for you. Healthy relationships are built on respect, trust, and freedom, not unequal power dynamics. Recognizing these subtle tactics is crucial, as controlling behavior often starts small and gradually erodes a partner's sense of self, making it a dangerous precursor to abuse.
 PS: If you are a product of a toxic relationship or toxic marriage, you are most likely toxic too because it is infectious. You need to heal. Don’t insist that anybody who wants to be with you must take you as you are in your damaged state. There is yet a balm in Gilead, and this balm is effective in all its ways if you will allow Him to deal with you at your core. The first thing you need to do is to do a self-analysis and evaluation. Do I have a care approach towards my relationships, or do I have a control approach to my relationships? Am I uncomfortable with my partner’s success, or do I genuinely push my partners to do better in life? Am I jealous, insecure, manipulative, and feel the need to control my partner instead of dealing with him or her with a plain heart full of great expectations as an individual? Am I gracious to those who love me, or do I feel I ought to impose on that emotion and stress it until the person who loves me begins to feel the heat or burden of loving me negatively? If the answers you have for these questions and more are in the affirmative, you need to give your life to Jesus and ask the Holy Spirit to come into your heart. You need to learn how to love from the source of true love itself. You need to unlearn many things and heal from the trauma of the past. Within a few months, you will be as good as new, and if you choose never to walk in the old path, your new path will be one that is laced with glory and majestic splendour.
Glory be to God. 
-GSW-