Coping in Deep Waters

The first time I heard the word ‘suicide’, 
I was a JSS 2 student at Federal 
Government Girls College, Shagamu. 
A friend of mine had just received her 
report card, saw that she was repeating 
the class, and decided she was going 
to kill herself using a cutlass. 
While some of us were scared and 
were pleading with her to reconsider 
her decision, the majority of my 
classmates said we should leave her 
alone to commit suicide if she wants 
to as they were pretty sure she wasn’t 
going to go through with it.
The second time, I was in SSS 2. 
We had just gotten a new principal who 
told us that the names of the first and 
last three students in the mid-term 
and final exams would be called on 
the assembly ground. 
Two girls in my set had found out that 
their names were among the last three 
in their respective classes, and they 
would be called out on the assembly 
ground. 
They decided to commit suicide to avoid 
the shame and stigma. 
The first girl drank bleach, I can’t 
remember what the second girl drank, 
and they both ended up in the sickbay. 
The irony was that because there 
were a lot of names being called, and 
a lot of those names were 
mispronounced, we’d have missed the 
names of these girls. 
But since everyone had heard about 
the girls’ attempted suicide, we were 
listening intently and heard their 
names clearly when they were 
called out. 
I’m happy to say that today, these 
women are doing well in their careers.
In the third scenario, the guy – let’s 
call him G, actually went ahead to 
commit suicide. 
I met G in my second year at UNILAG, 
a few weeks before his death, through 
my neighbour and friend. 
I was in my neighbour’s car on our 
way to Magodo from school when 
he picked up G and his girlfriend so 
he could drop them off at G’s house. 
G was quite good looking and spoke 
really well (I’m a sucker for articulate 
guys). 
Anyway, fast forward to a few months 
later, we heard a final year student 
in the faculty of science, who turned 
out to be G, had committed suicide 
by shooting himself with his father’s gun. 
We heard he did this because his 
project supervisor had failed him 
twice and kept him from graduating. 
I remember making jokes about his 
death with my friends. 
We said things like “E no fit be Naija. 
Naija no dey kill themselves”. 
When we heard he was half-Indian, 
we went “ehn ehn, shebi I talk am 
say he no fit be Naija”. 
Then we continued, “but the boy 
wicked o! Him for kill himself and 
the lecturer too so, at least, other 
students no go experience the 
same thing”. 
I remember wondering if G’s 
girlfriend blamed herself for failing 
to see that he was struggling with 
depression and he was suicidal.
The fourth time was while I was 
at my first job. 
A friend was telling me about a girl 
who had been dating a guy for some 
years and went into a depressive 
state when the guy refused to 
marry her. 
She had gone for her masters in the 
UK and wasn’t coping well so she 
had to return to Nigeria. 
On her return, her father got her 
a job first at a bank, then at Telco, 
but she still went ahead to kill herself. 
Apparently, she had attempted 
suicide the first time but had failed, 
and then on a day when no one 
was at home with her, she hung 
herself in her sister’s apartment.
 My friend mentioned that the girl 
went to UNILAG and when she 
said her name, it turned out to be 
someone I knew. 
I was quite shocked! 
In my first year, when I squatted 
with my sister in Moremi hall, she 
was my bunkmate’s best friend. 
She and my bunkmate were both 
in their second year at the time 
and were pretty smart – they both 
finished with 2nd class upper. 
Both girls attended Queens College, 
were very wealthy, were very popular, 
had a lot of friends who were always 
in my room scattering my bed – 
to my greatest annoyance, 
wore all the latest baffs, went to 
all the parties, and traveled every 
summer. 
They were very privileged and I 
had envied them a couple of times – 
which was why the news about 
her suicide really shocked me! 
I did not understand how someone 
who ‘seemingly’ had everything 
going on for her could kill herself. 
She was a pretty girl with gorgeous 
eyes and in my opinion, she could 
definitely meet and marry another 
man. 
I couldn’t fathom why she’d kill herself 
over a man.
I remember thinking she was incredibly 
selfish for not even considering the 
family and friends she was going to
 leave behind. 
It wasn’t until I became depressed 
and thought (a lot) about committing 
suicide and attempted it a few times 
(I was always researching painless 
ways to die) that I finally understood 
what these people were going through. 
I was (and still am) a Christian, and 
well aware of the existence of hellfire. 
Yet, I was willing to end my life 
because I was in severe pain and 
I thought it’ll end when I’m gone. 
Thank God for my amazing friends 
and family who helped me pull 
through.
Not to be a Debby Downer, but the 
increased rate of suicide in Nigeria 
inspired this post. 
A few years ago, a friend of mine 
from UNILAG said she believed 
the suicide rate in Nigeria is much 
higher than the number that’s reported 
because a lot of families hide the truth 
about the method of death if their 
loved one committed suicide. 
I agree with her. 
If you hear that someone you know 
committed suicide, don’t assume that 
he/she is very selfish. 
He or she was, most likely, in pain and 
other people were the very last thing 
on his/her mind. 
It’s the same way terminally ill patients 
feel – all they want is to get well or
 end their pain. 
They’re not thinking of anyone else or 
their feelings. 
If you also see any of your loved ones 
exhibiting signs of depression or any 
other mental health illness, please 
be empathetic and be there for them. 
Don’t start telling them stories of other 
people who have it worse than them. 
I can assure you that they won’t be 
listening to you.
The least you can do is try to make 
them feel loved and appreciated. 
Let them know how valuable they are 
and how much they matter. 
If you know good mental health 
practitioners, recommend them and 
support them financially. 
If you sense a loved one withdrawing 
from everyone, try to reach out to them 
and don’t feel slighted that they’re 
pulling away from you. 
Lastly, pray for your loved ones, you 
never know what they’re going through.

Firecracker Toyeen