Dear Ladies: The Twenty To Forty Rule

In the few years I have spent as a minister of the gospel, and the thousands of cases I have handled regarding sexually active relationships, the kind of relationship I find most dangerous for ladies is the “side chickism” relationship, especially if the lady happens to fall in love with the man in question.
The man is married, and he loves his wife and children
You meet him either at work or at a social event, and you two start connecting
You eventually got persuaded to start sleeping with him
He is a solid man who has everything you ever want in a man
So it was no brainer to you to steal moments of happiness with him and enjoy his company
He is smart, accomplished, rich, mature, knows how to put you in your place politely, and has a commanding presence
You respect him and everything he stands for
Somehow, he becomes your dream man, and you fall in love with him
You tell yourself at that time that you are not in love with him
It is transactional, and you know what you are doing
The little corner he has created for you to share with him is a slice of heaven, and you are content with it
He becomes to you the picture of a perfect man.
This does not happen to side chicks who date men who are much older than them and often just have sex with them for pleasure without any form of emotional connection
The girl in her early twenties and the man in his mid-thirties to late thirties are usually the ones to fall victim to this.
The relationship starts as just fun and over time becomes very steady
The lady adjusts to it
She suggests to the man that he should rent an apartment for her instead of them meeting in a hotel
She goes on vacations with him
She masters coping with his other relationship with his wife and children
She even meets his wife once or twice and pretends perfectly that she was just an acquaintance, or a protege, or an assistant to the husband
She finds herself unwilling or unable to date anyone else or treat the relationship as the mirage that it is
She invests all her emotions as the relationship evolves from side chickism to the other woman relationship.
She begins to convince herself that she has the rights of a wife because she is vitally one
The man, on the other hand, is not following the emotional script the deluded lady has written for herself in order to cope with her conscience
He stays grounded and would sometimes even remind the young lady that “I have no plans to marry you, and I will not marry you, talk.”
She hears him and replies with “Who wants to marry you, too? Did I tell you I want to marry a married man? Did I ask you to leave your wife and children? Have I not been supportive of you? Don’t flatter yourself, I am a beautiful young woman, and when I am ready to move on, I will move without looking back.”
Even though she said the words to save face and make him comfortable, she didn’t mean them.
She had fallen head over heels in love with him.
They do things in common, and she had come to fit so knitly into his life that she couldn’t imagine herself with anyone else.
By this time, they had been together for ten years
She was in her thirties, and several prospective suitors had come and gone
Her man, the sugar daddy, begins to get concerned
The ideal cut-off age for a mistress is usually thirty-five.
Anything after that, the side chick will naturally start plotting how to get pregnant and force her way into the life of her sugar daddy through the back door.
In order to ease the stress of the disengagement, the sugar daddy begins to have the “Your future” talk with her.
He asks her who has been talking to her about finding the right man to marry
If she says nobody, he starts encouraging her to go out and try to mingle with old friends or attend a new church in order to catch a new suitor
She does not like it, but she knew he was right, and if she plans to get married, she must begin to wean herself off him
The problem is her emotions
She is emotionally attached to him and wants the men she meets to be like him or even better
She never had to have the money talk with him or spend her own money
She never had to work hard for anything
He gave her a soft life full of perks
Real-life relationships among her peers are not like that, and she had never swum in that responsibility-infested water before.
She clocks between thirty-five and thirty-seven, and the sugar daddy moves on
She suddenly finds herself alone and grasping at straws
All the potential guys who come around seem to her childish, immature, poor, out of sorts, lacking finesse, lacking composure, drab, dry, dull, and unexciting.
The sugar daddy had become her standard, and she could not find anyone big enough to fill his big shoes.
While she was still struggling with this emotionally, biology is doing its thing with her age and eggs on the inside
The number of prospective husbands reduces drastically
Everybody around her tells her to sort out her marital destiny before it is too late
She begins a series of trial-and-error relationships that leave her disillusioned, the more
Sometimes she returns to her sugar daddy as a friend and someone with whom she could have the occasional sex when the mood calls for it
At other times, she meets someone else, another sugar daddy prospect who is also married
She doesn’t like him, but he can help her with her needs and keep a roof over her head
So she keeps him a secret while actively claiming the single and searching status in the open
Sometimes she gets married, especially if she leaves the side chick thing before thirty-five
Sometimes she relocates to pursue something different, far away from everybody
Sometimes she throws herself into her career and presents that alternative as an alternative to taking the marital path
The key thing to note is that the man you love for fifteen to twenty years (Between the ages of twenty and forty) is the main man.
It is up to you if you allow that man to be a sugar daddy or your husband (If you choose to get married), or a boyfriend, or a bestie.
As a young woman, that age determines a lot of things in your life as relating to career, marriage, relationships, and who you will spend the rest of your life with (If any)
Always remember this.

-GSW-