Doing Better

Something happened a few minutes 
ago that was very puzzling
I went to see a family friend
The family friend is a pastor with three 
boys aged 9, 7 and 5
The pastor's next-door neighbour was 
going out
He came to greet the pastor and asked 
if his children can stay with the pastor's 
family for some time while he ran an errand
The pastor invited his wife to the 
sitting room
The man repeated his request
The pastor's wife said "Okay"
Three girls trooped in, aged 9, 6 and 3
All the children started watching TV
I and the Pastor moved to the dining 
area
The house was a 3 bedroom flat
After a few minutes, the six-year-old girl 
came to meet us at the dining and said 
"Sir, XYZ (the pastor's 6-year-old son) is 
touching my sister's private part
The pastor jumped up and ran to the 
children's room, a few seconds later he 
emerged with his son and the 9-year-old 
girl
He asked the 9-year-old girl what happened
She said "I wanted to ease myself, so I 
went to the bathroom and XYZ came to 
open the door"
The pastor said, "Where did he touch you?"
The girl said "He didn't touch me, I told 
him he cannot come to the bathroom 
with me because i am a girl and he left
I closed the door and came out on my 
own, that was when you came to call 
us sir"
The pastor said okay
He said all the children should move to 
the sitting room where he can see them
After a few minutes, his wife emerged 
from her room
The pastor reported what happened to 
his wife
His wife said "M'ogbe, M'ogbe, M'ogbe, 
(I am in trouble) This is what they will 
start saying about my boys o"
She called the XYZ in that tone African 
mothers use
The boy answered
She said "Follow me"
The boy started crying as if he was 
going to die
The Pastor told his wife to take it easy 
and narrated what the 9-year-old girl 
who was supposed to have been touched 
said
The Pastor's wife said "Have you ever 
seen where a boy is believed over a girl?"
She turned to her son and barked like 
thunder "I say Follow me" 
The boy began to shake and shiver
The six-year-old girl said "He didn't 
touch her"
The pastor said "What?"
The six-year-old girl said "He didn't 
actually touch her, we were playing 
tag and he wanted to hide, that was 
when he opened the door to the 
bathroom. I came to call you 
because boys are not meant to open 
the door when girls are peeing."
The pastor said, "But you said he 
touched your sister?"
"No, he didn't!" She replied
The pastor's wife called the 9-year-old 
girl and asked her what happened
The 9 year old said "I have already said it
I wanted to pee and he opened the door
I told him he is a boy and boys cannot 
be with a girl while she was peeing
"Were you guys playing tag? 
The pastor's wife asked her
She said "Yes, we were playing tag 
before I went to the bathroom to pee"
I turned to the boy and said "What 
happened?" 
The boy said "We were playing tag and 
she went to hide in the bathroom, so I 
chased her there"
(He was not aware that she was peeing, 
he thought they were still playing tag 
and the 9-year-old was hiding in the 
bathroom)
The pastor's wife told the 9-year-old 
girl to explain what 
happened to his sister very clearly in 
front of everybody
She said she didn't want her to tell her 
parents that the boy touched her older 
sister inappropriately because once it 
is said, no amount of PR can change it.
She said she didn't want her son to be 
marked for life.
The pastor's wife said she wouldn't have 
allowed the girls to stay with them if 
their father spoke with her directly
She said she is a teacher and she 
knows that the male children are an 
endangered species
"Only one accusation from any girl can 
bring them down at any time! I don't 
want drama in my life"
Those were her words
It broke my heart as a parent
I have sons and daughters
I do not want any gender feeling 
endangered
Boys are not evil
Girls are not evil
Labeling a gender is not helpful in 
any way
We all need to do better