Being Friends

Being Friends

 It has always been a puzzle to me that some people willingly walk into danger in the name of friendship. One of the basic instincts we all have as humans is to flee from danger, sometimes we flee from appearances of danger or appearances of evil.

 Being a Christian teaches us the importance of our uniqueness and our ability to prioritize standing alone above in righteousness above the need to socialize especially in unrighteousness. Didn't David declare in Psalm 1 that it is blessed to be alone in righteousness than to keep the company of evil doers? Psalm 1:1-3 Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, 2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. 3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers. I have found that Psalm very instructive since I was a teenager, my mother always read it to us as children and it was in line with my philosophy as a child, I liked keeping my own company because I discovered that when I mix with others I end up either a victim or subjected to some strange agenda I know nothing about but will get punished for.

Take for example when I was thirteen, I came back from school and was at home watching SuperTed on NTA by 4 pm when a neighbour, Jide Falashe, ran into our flat asking me if I wanted to ride a bicycle I didn't have a bicycle and neither did he, I asked him where he got the bicycle and he said a guy came into the estate to rent out his bicycle to "boys" in the estate and he had paid the guy but couldn't ride because he had homework. Foolishly, I believed him and hopped on the bicycle, I rode it from Alagbayun (our estate in Ibadan) to Oju Irin after Akobo I rode till about 7 pm. By the time I returned the bicycle to the estate, the owner of the Bicycle had gone home to report to his father that his bicycle had been stolen, the boy was a soldier's son and his father came to the estate with whips and a gun they found the bicycle where I parked it but wanted to know the person who took the bicycle away from the boy thank God the boy missed our flat and I saw him and his father knocking on the doors of the flats in the next compound I ran for my dear life! My mother would have left me for the soldier she was not an enabler in any way and she often told us as children that if we committed any crime, she was not the kind of mother who would aid and abet us or defend us in any way. The soldier and his son eventually got to our flat, by that time I was standing way across the express looking at our house the way Moses looked at Egypt from across the Red Sea, how they sorted that out I didn't bother to find out till today but I became weary of Jide Falase from that day I never fell into any of his mischievous pranks or behaviours again.

 Like I said, I can do bad all by myself and I always hated being the victim of another person's agenda.

A lady told me she had a friend who wasn't doing well in her studies when they were undergraduates The friend went to discuss her bad grades with a lecturer and the lecturer told the friend to talk to this lady on his behalf because he desired to have sex with the lady. The lecturer told this friend that if she lands him the lady, he would consider helping her with her grades, this friend then came to class to tell this lady that the lecturer wanted to see her The lady got to the lecturer's office and the lecturer did everything he could to rape her but she somehow escaped, Thank God! After escaping, she continued to be friends with that lady I looked at her when she said they continued to be friends, the way I look at a knife after it had cut my finger then she went on to say the same lady heard she was dating a guy and then seduced the same guy just for the fun of it Then she said the same lady used her name to open an account on a porn site with her picture and phone number and asked those who wanted to have sex with her to contact her I was like "Are you foolish?" Was it not said that fool me once shame on you and fool me twice shame on me? What do we call fool me thrice? Were you waiting for the lady to arrange for your kidnap or to poison you before you knew she hated your guts? I have never felt the need to be friends with anybody that badly in my life. Even with relatives and close family members, I have never been desperate to be anybody's friend or to have anybody in my space.

Friendship does not work for everybody, sharing your secret with anyone is foolishness. A secret that two people know about is an open secret. Being vulnerable in the name of friendship was never worth the hype, our young ladies and young men must learn how to identify the danger signals that come with the people they meet.

When I was a teenager, whenever I heard two or three guys saying "Let us go and do "something" and they could not explain that thing in open language or they began to code their words around me so that they could not speak plainly because I was around them, that is the end of that "friendship" I will walk away without looking back When I was in the University of Ibadan and one of my roommates in my hostel started saying he was interested in joining a cult on campus, I left that room and started going to classes from my mother's flat (Thank God it was only an hour walk away from school), even if it was not, I would have found another room to sleep in) I pay attention to people's words, boasts, unguarded thoughts and antecedents.

 I met some guys at the annual BCOS Exhibition one time, we all became friendly over my ability to play Scrabbles and I was invited to their father's mansion to play with their older brother who was about five years older than me I got there and met this Bosun Character, we played six times and I won him all six times his younger brothers were jeering at him because they didn't believe a small boy could beat him that soundly then he turned to one of them and said: "This guy (referring to me) does not know you lure your friends to herbalists so that you can use them for money ritual?" He said it in Yoruba language, the whole room fell silent I noted it. After a few minutes, I said I wanted to use the rest room and I ran for my life I never met or talked to any of them again I was later told by someone who knew them that one of them had lured a neighbour's son to a ritualist's den but the neighbour's son escaped but this was long after that incident.

 Tales of woe abound all over of what evil friends do to each other I have had ladies tell me how their friend tricked them to come and visit only for them to get there and men were waiting to rape them. I have heard stories of guys being arrested by the police for a crime and when being tortured they mention the name of their innocent friends as accomplices I have read of some who killed their friend out of jealousy or envy. If friendship comes at such a cost why have friends? I never saw it as adding any value to anybody but I speak as an introvert I know we all don't have the same nature, so I get it.

We all should learn how not to fall victim to the evil devices of people we should know how to listen to our instincts. We should learn to move far away from people who talk of doing evil so freely and confidently We should not assume it was an empty boast or maybe it was said in a fit of anger If he said it, he most likely will do it.

I had another neighbour who was very gullible when we were teenagers He was one of those guys who didn't quite experience the growth boost teenagers experience at puberty and as a result, he was smallish in stature, as a result of this he was always trying to prove that he was manly. I found this insecurity in people to be a put-off ,one day I saw him hanging around some guys in front of a compound the guys were not like us, they were wild and they did wild things I saw them talking in hushed tones and I felt uncomfortable with the sight So I called him and asked him what he was up to this would be around the year 1999 or 2000 He smiled sheepishly and said he would come to my house to check on me later ,Later that day I learnt that a lady was gang raped in that compound I distanced myself from him from that day, anytime he would see me and would make to talk to me, I would shake my head and move on ,The last time I saw him, I was driving out of Magodo Phase 2 gate and he was driving in the MRA was doing the sticker check routine they did once in a while and there was traffic he saw me in my car and wound down to say hello from afar he said he was working with a bank and lives in Magodo, I pretended he was not talking to me I judge you by what I know you are capable of If you are capable of raping a person, at any age, I consider you vile It doesn't matter if you joined them or if you only watched I didn't end up having many friends as an unbeliever I found that to be the safest way to keep myself out of trouble as a young man. If you must have friends please choose your friends dont be chosen, be the chooser when you see anyone who is comfortable injecting petrol into a rat or dipping a rat into petrol and then setting it on fire once you see certain looks and hear certain talks from a friend or those who used to be close to the person which indicates wickedness or heartlessness, don't give the person the benefit of the doubt, please walk away.

 As you grow older you will eventually come to see for yourself, that in the world there are no good people, everybody is capable of evil to a certain degree when push comes to shove. Evil is inherent in all men regardless of gender.

 After I became a born-again Christian, I discovered the truest friend of all

 1) Jesus is all the world to me, my life, my joy, my all; he is my strength from day to day, without him, I would fall. When I am sad, to him I go, no other one can cheer me so; when I am sad, he makes me glad, he’s my friend. 
2) Jesus is all the world to me, my friend in trials sore; I go to him for blessings, and he gives them o’er and o’er. He sends the sunshine and the rain, he sends the harvest’s golden grain; sunshine and rain, harvest of grain, he’s my friend.
 3) Jesus is all the world to me, and true to him I’ll be; O how could I this friend deny, when he’s so true to me? Following him I know I’m right, he watches o’er me day and night; following him by day and night, he’s my friend.
 4) Jesus is all the world to me, I want no better friend; I trust him now, I’ll trust him when life’s fleeting days shall end. Beautiful life with such a friend, beautiful life that has no end; eternal life, eternal joy, he’s my friend.
 -GSW-