Handling Curved Balls

A pastor friend relocated to the USA

He is married with children in Nigeria

His church posted him to America with a promise to send his wife and children over within the next year.

The entire family got visas, but he went ahead to rent a house and show up at the church he was posted to.

The day he landed in the USA, the Bishop and founder of the church died, and the family began a bitter fight over his properties and the ministry

All the church's accounts got frozen by the EFCC due to a petition written by some people and court cases, etc

This man got stranded in the USA.

He had only 500 dollars on him

He rented a cheap 25-dollar-per-night hostel with the hope that things would be resolved quickly.

He fasted daily and survived on hot dogs and coffee once a day

Soon his money was exhausted.

He moved out of the hostel himself because he wanted to avoid police issues, which could lead to his deportation

He started roaming the streets of Atlanta, hoping to meet one Nigerian or the other and get help

America was so different, and he didn't know the system at all.

He slept in parks and at nightclubs (born again o)

Even got a job cleaning a nightclub early in the morning

Survived for six months, eyes sunken, mouth bleeding, ulcer biting, body aching due to sleeping on the floor.

He said he was hanging out in front of a Costco shop one evening, hoping to meet someone who would buy him a hot dog, when a woman approached him and offered him a room plus food in her house

He said he remembered the widow of Zarepath and accepted the offer.

The woman lived alone with a dog, and he was offered the spare room.

The woman provided him with a meal a day.

He was able to shave, get some welfare clothes to wear (The woman's late husband’s clothes)

Brush his teeth, feel what it felt like to live under a roof again.

The woman helped him get a job at a store close by for 8 dollars an hour (Not legal because he didn’t have papers)

He was able to contact his wife and family in Nigeria for the first time

One night, after two weeks of living with the woman for free, he was asleep when the woman came to his room and lay beside him on the bed

He was not a child; he had been seeing the signs and doing everything to postpone the inevitable, but he was very sure if he said no, he would be thrown back on the street

He weighed his options

Some people will say, “Be like Joseph and get back on the street. God will send you help. Others will say "Go to a Red Cross centre or welfare centre. Some will say return to Nigeria. Some will say look for a church nearby and approach them for help

At 38, he was not a child. He knew staying with this woman would lead to something from the outset. So he slept with her

It turned out that the woman really wanted someone to love very badly. The night she picked him up, she had been thinking of committing suicide

Then she remembered a sermon she heard where the pastor said instead of taking your life, give another person a chance to live by making them a pet project and showing them love

He empathised with her after hearing her story

Her late husband left her a lot of money, but her life was not going in the right direction.

No child, no friend, no family.

All alone in the world

He told her about his wife and children

She said she understood and would just ask him to treat her with kindness, not love

"I know your heart is with your wife, but could you please be kind to me"

She never asked for marriage or any commitment

They were together for two years when he asked her to marry him as his second wife (He did this so that he could get the necessary papers he needed in order to be able to travel back home and see his family.

She agreed, and they got married

He got his papers

He never kept any of the things going on a secret from his wife

She was carried along

They built a house in Ibadan, close to Agbowo, Ojoo area.

The wife in Nigeria supervised the project

The white wife funded it

The man and his American wife returned to Nigeria together to meet the first wife and their three children

By this time, the American wife had delivered her first child

In Nigeria now they own a brewery (Palm wine bottling company)

The Nigerian wife's children are abroad

The man and his Nigerian wife and American wife all live together and are raising the American woman's three children as I speak

I asked the wife how she felt when he told her

The wife said that by this time, she and the children had moved to her parents’ house when she didn’t hear from him for six months

While preparing to travel to the USA, they had sold everything and were only waiting for the ticket to be sent to them by the church

When everything scattered, they had nothing

They had not paid rent because they were travelling, the children were out of school, she had resigned her job

They were on ground zero

Worst of all, she couldn't contact her husband because he had no address, no phone number and didn’t want to go to the church he was posted at because the posting had been rescinded

She said all she was doing was praying for God to make a way for them to go to America to join him so that their visa would not go to waste

His parents and hers started contributing money.

They needed money for four tickets, accommodation, jobs, schooling, etc

They raised some money, but without getting in touch with him, they couldn't make any move

Six whole months of silence and daily expenditure

They were broke again

She accepted fate and registered the children in school

She looked for a job

She joined another church

That was the night her husband called her father's phone

That was how he knew she had moved back home, and they were able to talk

He told her everything he had been through and explained that a woman took him in

She said she knew from the moment she heard him talk about receiving help from a woman that he was either sleeping with the woman or would eventually sleep with the woman

But she didn't mention it in their discussion because she knew it would upset both of them and ruin a good moment

He was alive, and he reached out to speak with her and the children

That was enough in her books for that day

She said he called her a week later and told her that he had offended her and would like to make an arrangement with her for the children so that if she decides to move on without him, she could do so

She said she told him that she knew what was coming, but she would like to know what the alternative would be if she chose to stay in his life

So he told her about the white woman and her openness to be a second wife

She said she told him to bring the woman to Nigeria for her to see and to teach her that the senior wife must be respected and honoured at all costs

She said she had no option but to negotiate with him and the other woman.

If she stepped aside and played the bitter woman, she would be the one to lose out

The children will benefit from the new arrangement with the white woman

Husband will benefit

White woman will benefit

She will be the one telling everybody a bitter story everywhere about being jilted and cast aside

She was determined to be a part of the story

So it has to be on her terms

She said she asked her husband to give the phone to the American woman, and they got talking

She told the American woman to address her as ma’am, and she would address her as iyawo (junior wife)

They began to communicate and became friends

To the point where they would talk for hours while the husband was at work and make plans for meals and other things together.

She said if the American wife did anything to offend her husband, she would report herself to her so that she could help her intervene, and she also would stylishly tell his American co-wife something bothering her so that she could back her up when trying to get their husband to give his accent.

I asked her if she prayed or got any revelation about it

She said she only got one message in church one day from a preacher who told her, "It will end in joy*

She handled that curveball like a pro

And mastered the outcome

The entire family is one and benefiting from her wisdom today

I used to see the man as a reprobate for a long time

It was the man's son that introduced him to me

The Nigerian wife's first son, Dewunmi

He said his father was a pastor, but they now own a palm wine bottling company, etc

I laughed at the absurdity

Then I met the man, and I stopped laughing

The day the man told me the story, I was just wide-mouthed

Those of us who have a linear life without drama, let us thank God

There are some people whose lives are rich in drama plus twists and turns

We are not any better than they are

-GSW-