Her Worst Nightmare

HER WORST NIGHTMARE
 
I was living my worst nightmare. 
Depressed, suicidal, and sometimes 
wishing I could just walk In
front of speeding cars to end it all.
Before today, if you asked me
what I was scared of the most,
I would tell you it was losing my 
family/friends. 
I only had a handful
of them and most of them
were uncles and aunties.
 
Well, take it back a few years
when a trusted ‘church’ uncle
decided to enroll me in his institution.
I was barely an adult,
between 19-20 yrs and I had
always lived a sheltered life.
It started with a hello there,
treat me like a friend and
not your uncle…
I was quite close to the family,
his wife, and kids. I would
babysit anytime I could.
Until, a day when I went to babysit,
and he started moving a bit
too close for comfort. It was odd
but I said kept it all in.
Then a day came when I had
to go over to his place to finish
up some work. Alone with him,
in his study. I was tired, he said
to chill on the single bed.
He got tired, he decided to chill
on the bed too. His hands
wandered and that’s how the assault 
started. 
All these happening sometimes with 
his wife in the next room.
I didn’t utter a word because
I thought to myself,
I didn’t want to ruin a home…
 
I tried to fight him off.
He pinned me down,
I could only move my hips.
And if I did, his fingers
entered further inside me making it worse. 
I would wear onesies zipped to
the neck, jeans for the fear
he wouldn’t be able to get in.
I remember him ejaculating on my jeans and 
me crying my eyes out in the bathroom. 
I got used to it.
I fought but couldn’t win.
I perfected the art of zoning out
till he’s done. He eventually raped me.
He forcefully took what I kept dear
to me and dared to
accuse me of lying because I didn’t bleed.
I remember getting dropped at the pharmacy 
to get the morning after pill
by myself. My first trip of many.
 
At this point, I was beyond
broken inside, but I didn’t know this.
I decided to give in to his advances.
At least this time, I wasn’t fighting him off.
And I refused to let the memories of me 
fighting off a man be the only sexual memory 
I had. And that’s how the toxic relationship 
started.
 
And then all hell broke loose.
News broke in the church that he
was messing around. Pastors intervened and 
I was labeled the homewrecker, prostitute, 
the strange woman, the bad influence, 
without hearing my side of the story. 
People picked sides, of course
not mine. I lost friends and the
people I called family.
 
I became depressed, suicidal,
and I would cry myself to sleep.
I remember visiting my mum in her
town and we visited one of her many prophets. 
I was getting abused and this so-called 
prophet was asking about my husband and 
telling me to do stuff to attract a husband. 
What husband????
LOL!
 
I was ready to end it all.
I didn’t understand how God
could leave me. All alone.
 
I lost my friends, I lost my
so-called family. I lost aunties
I was closer to than my own mother.
I will take walks and would walk
past my house because I just didn’t
want to go in. Therapy didn't work.
I remember the day I wanted to
end it all, my plan in place.
I was on my bed when I heard
a whisper - ‘Joyce Meyer’. I googled her,
I saw her book - beauty for ashes.
I bought it. I read it. I realized how
broken I was. The broken me started mending.
 
Then one day I was on Twitter.
I saw a Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo.
I read his stories, joined @pssbcnigeria. 
The fornicator, the home-wrecker, 
never spoken in tongues, never knew 
the Holy Spirit, crippled by regret, 
guilt, shame, and with no family…
I was introduced to the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Spirit healed me.
He introduced me to a new family.
He gave me a family I could
have never wished for. He made
me an effulgence of His glory.
His LOVE healed me in such a
way that the memories are so foggy.
Depression lifted and never came back.
His LOVE cleared it all.
For everything and everyone I lost,
He pretty much gave me more than double.
 
He looked at me, like the
woman caught in the act of adultery, 
instead of putting the final nail on my 
coffin, He saved me.
He put me back together.
The one who was depressed,
now liberating His children from depression 
and all manner of sicknesses.
I tasted His love!
I tasted His goodness.
 
He did it for me.
He pulled me out of the mess.
As messy as my story was,
He wiped it all clean.
He erased the memory/hurt of the abuse.
Here I am, a shining light,
the one who has placed herself
under His rule!
He calls me His own and
nothing can change that.
 
He gave me a new life,
He can do the same for you
if you let Him. It is not
too late. Healing the broken is
a specialty of His, come as
you are.
 
Jesus says Come as you are!
As broken as you are, come.
As tired as you are, come.
Come as you are and
He will give you rest.
 
Let us introduce you to Him,