Humpty Dumpty
They met when he was twenty
He and his family had just moved into the estate but she and her folks had been in the estate for several years
The estate was a small, close-knit, community, everyone knew everyone else
Everyone knew who was dating who, and everyone knew which school whose children were attending
News was scarce, and whatever came was considered entertainment for the day
She was the first of five daughters, her parents were poor
Her father was a cook at one of the multinationals before he got the sack
Her mum was a typist who worked with one of the parastatals of the state government
Getting the five girls an education was a herculean task
Their secondary school education was free but college education was quite pricey She wanted desperately to have a first degree, do better than her parents, and lay the foundation for a better future
She and her parents had a talk
They told her she would have to settle for learning a skill before getting married
That was the destiny she was fighting against when she met him
He met her on the road and took a liking to her
She knew he was one of the new folks who moved into the neighborhood recently
They got talking and became friends, she was 18 years old at the time
She really didn't want to have a relationship as she wanted to meet her first boyfriend at the university
She wanted to build romance into the future
She had read about those who did it and had both at the end of the day- a degree in the right hand and a husband in the left
She wanted that desperately
He was from an average family, a brainiac, he was already in the University and he oozed confidence
She liked him but she knew his family would most likely not approve of her
Classism was a thing in their society and she was the one climbing up the social ladder by being with him
She had seen how such a union ended for other ladies
She would prefer to marry from her class or even a little bit down the ladder so that her husband can appreciate her
She was not an over-reacher, she liked to face reality
They became fast friends and then lovers
At first, she saw him as an escape, a way out of her painful reality, a place to run to when she wanted to escape the weight of her situation
One day he noticed that she was crying as she lay on the bed beside him
He was going off to school the next day and he felt she was missing him
She was not the sentimental type and the tears caught him off guard
She told him about her desire to get an education
He decided he would do everything to get it for her
He got her a lesson teacher, bought the exam forms, and ensured she passed both her WAEC and JAMB
She got admitted into the university and he footed the bill by inflating his own fees to his parents who were too busy to check things out
When she got to her final year, she decided to break up with him
She had met a person who didn't know her as a poor girl from a poor background
Another guy whose eyes twinkled whenever he saw her
She started seeing the guy deliberately when her boyfriend went off to NYSC
She didn't delude herself that she would marry him even though they often talked about it and joked about it while their relationship lasted
By the time he returned home from his service station, she had moved in with the new guy
His world came crashing down
How could she do that? Move on so coldly and without any thought for his feelings
He requested a meeting and she granted him an audience
He wanted to know what was going and she didn't mince words
She said she had never seen herself as his wife, never seen herself coping with the social demands of marrying upward on the social ladder
She didn't like the history between them in which she and her family took and took without having much to give back
There was no balance and as such she felt she would feel too indebted to him to cope with the relationship
She wanted to start afresh with someone else
She wanted a clean slate
She had met the guy and they fitted perfectly together
She didn't want to delay the inevitable, so she moved on
She ended it by saying she was sorry, then she walked calmly out of the restaurant
She didn't even look back
Six years of investment had gone down the drain just like that
The days after she broke up with him were terrible
For weeks he was lost in an abyss of sorrow
He cried all day and sorrowed all night
His friends and family members did the best they could
Everyone expected him to snap out of it, he did but with a very bitter heart against women
She was his first love and he had poured everything he had into her In their six years together, he had been responsible for her education, accommodation, clothing, feeding, everything
He had their picture as a couple hanging on the walls of his room in every house and city he had lived
He told his friends and family members all about her
He was in love with her and she was nothing but a leech
He felt used and a deep sense of bitterness welled up in him
At first, he kept away from women generally
After a while, he began to sleep with any skirt available
He stopped feeling anything, for anyone
Days became weeks and weeks became months
His mother noticed the disdain with which he treated ladies- the condescending manner and bitterness
His mother decided he needed to be helped
One day his mother visited him and begged to have a discussion with him
His mother told him he had to let go of the pain
He said, "Mummy, I keep seeing someone else sleeping with her in my mind and it hurts my heart. I kept myself for her. I was faithful and good to her and see how she rewarded me. I am hurt. When I am having sex with any other lady, I don’t see the lady, I see her, I see only her in my mind and I hurt, I bleed out and end up lashing out at the lady or hating her" He lamented
This was five years after she had left him
In those five years, she had gone for NYSC, broke up with the guy she left him for, and started dating someone else
She got married just a few days before his mother decided to have a discussion with him
He didn't even know all that, his mother told him
She had done her due diligence and she had social media pictures and updates with her to help him see
He assumed she was still with the person she dumped him for
His mother admonished him to move on
“Love can be cruel sometimes
Most people didn't really get what they deserved in love
It is like riding a wounded tiger, you can be lucky and end up in its stomach or lucky enough that it ends up in your tummy
Love either sees the end of its riders or its riders will see their end
It is the only way love between human folk works
The same holds true for some animals
Love for people is an intricate part of the fight for survival and natural selection principles
At the end of the day, the instinct for survival trumps all
Man does what he does mostly for the preservation of himself and his race; innately Love, relationships, marriage, etc. are just part of that process
It has nothing to do with God or heaven
This is why the Bible stated clearly that there is no marriage in heaven
Heaven does not need copulation to populate
On the earth, copulation is primarily for populating
It has very little to do with feelings and emotional investment but much to do with what works for me
The lady that dumped you knew that, you didn't
She might seem cold and heartless to you but imagine she married you to make you happy while she felt nothing for you but gratitude or pity, you would have been even more miserable”
So, please forgive her and let go
It might hurt but she did you a huge favour!"
He thought about it and agreed with his mother
Slowly, he began the process of healing
He kept away from relationships for a while, worked on himself and began working on his relationship with God again
He had lost his bearing in his pain but God is never truly lost to any man
PS: He healed and met the love of his life two years later
They met at a gala event he had no business attending
His company was in the middle of a merger and acquisition deal and he had to go see one of the chief characters in the deal at a social event
He found this babe, his babe talking to this chief character at the cocktail party He was introduced to her and he understood the way bread must have felt the moment it was introduced to butter…Awesome!
We must learn to let go after our heart has been hurt or broken
Some of us deal with the hurt by trying to hurt the person that we felt had hurt us by talking trash about them
Some of us even try to self-harm
Some of us will curse and cry and try to cause harm or damage to the person
It is always much ado about nothing
The story of Humpty-Dumpty is the story of love and its attending breakups which are almost always inevitable
An analogy of how to cope with love from the stage of "hump to dump"
The moment love falls off its lofty height and breaks into pieces, all the individuals in it can do is pick up the pieces and walk away
Some try to patch things up as much as they can but it truly is never the same again
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