Our marriage will be thirteen years this year,
and we have two wonderful boys
I fell into adultery with my boss at my
place of work, told my husband about it
and our marriage has almost collapsed,
but my husband has been so committed
to his love for me and our marriage and
that has kept us together.
As a result of the adultery and my feelings
I no longer want to be touched by husband,
the last time we had sex it was a horrible
experience for me and I ran to my bathroom
asking God to just tell him to leave me alone.
I was raised by my aunt from the time I was
She was SU and helped me in my knowledge
I gave my life to Christ at an early age,
probably about 6 years of age and got
baptized in the Holy Spirit some years later.
I didn't note down the dates then so
I don't have any particular date.
Jesus became my closest friend.
I told Him everything because I
didn't really like to talk with my aunt,
she had a way of making you feel
guilty/not good enough.
God has been good to me and I
went through school without any
I've always loved singing and acting
and dancing, but somehow I was
able to get admission to study law and
I graduated as a lawyer at 22.
I met my husband while I was still in
year 5, and our story was like a
I was totally in love with my husband.
I tested my 'love' with I Corinthians 13,
and felt that no matter what comes
ahead, we would be able to make it
My husband always says it was
because of me that he finally made
the decision to give his life to Christ,
even though he came from a Christian
home and his father was a Reverend
In the midst of this, somewhere in 2015,
he decided to resign from the chambers
he was working with and move to Abuja.
He wanted to explore private practice
there, and also get involved in missions.
He told me that's what he felt God say
to him, and asked that I pray as well.
I prayed but I didn't hear or feel anything.
And so he went. I
n 2016 I went outside the country for my
further training. While I was there I met
someone I admired a lot.
Of course as a good Christian girl I didn't
think of sleeping around or anything,
but I realized I had a strong attraction to
him, and he had the same for me, even
though he was hard on me as a senior
in my profession.
It was when I came home during that
period briefly to attend to my father's
health that I realized I no longer had
feelings as such for my husband.
I began to dread him touching me
For the record, I really had never had
an orgasm while sleeping with my
husband, and our foreplay never really
got me lubricated well enough, so we
always used a lubricant to help guide
Whenever he got to orgasm, I would take
his lap and masturbate myself to orgasm
and we were both fine with that.
I never really complained about our sex
because I didn't know better anyway, just
what I've read in books.
And even though I had enjoyed intimate
touches with others before my husband,
it was only my husband I had ever gone
all the way with.
He was the only one that had penetrated me.
I never ever thought of sleeping with
someone else but by the time I came back
from my foreign trip, when he holds me
romantically, I would wish I was in someone
I returned back to Nigeria in January 2017
and went back to my workplace.
My husband would come visiting or I would
go visiting him about once to twice every
Then I met a young man in February 2017.
The young man claimed he was in love
I just laughed and shrugged it off.
I told my husband about the chap, and he
began asking me to use strict measures
to get him off my track.
I felt my husband's demands were not
I had no time to waste on the young man.
I was always so busy, sometimes I have
to sleep over at work.
I didn't think it was anything to worry
That being said, I prayed and I was always
careful with my chats with him, because
I realized that when he feels I'm holding
him off, he would refuse to come to church.
He was one of the keyboardists and
he was quite good.
Well, eventually he came around to see me
at work and was just tagging along with
me throughout the day
I went to counsel another young lady
who was having issues with her marriage,
and then I went home to study a little
before going to church, and he just
followed me everywhere.
I didn't think much of it.
As we were leaving the house to go to
church he just planted a kiss on my lips.
I felt like dying.
Whaaat? Someone other than my husband
giving me a kiss on the lips.
I felt as if I had committed the worst crime.
I could imagine newspapers roaring with
the news, pastor's wife being kissed by
I could have entered the ground if possible.
I ran to Abuja the following day to tell
my husband and to ask if he could be
coming back more frequently hoping
that would shield me from men who
wanted to destroy my story.
Well he chose to drop everything in
Abuja and packed all his things back home
But that was just the beginning of trouble.
I was still chatting with the young man.
I was even hoping he would come to
the house and they would settle things
and he could help mentor the young man,
but my husband was upset, that how
could I keep chatting with a man who
wanted to destroy our home.
I had a totally different viewpoint however.
I was seeing a young man who needed help,
and I told him that that is what I could see.
I felt that completely cutting off the young
man could make him just give up on church
Then my husband threatened me with divorce
and things just spiraled downwards after that.
My relationship with my husband wasn't
getting any better.
Sometimes for weeks we wouldn't have sex,
and that was ok by me, but it was terrible
I told him he could have me anytime he
wanted, but I was not participating in the
act and he was frustrated.
For me I just wasn't happy anymore and
there was no way I would respond to him.
I preferred to sleep in the sitting room
instead of our room most times because
of the heat, but he thought it was because
I didn't want to sleep with him and that
continued until I went to the UK in 2018
In the UK there were days I was so
overwhelmed with the sexual urge I just
had to masturbate to get a relief.
Then I met a young Nigerian
student and I began to always think
about the young man.
I tried to keep him at arm's length, but
eventually on the day I was to leave the UK
I mentioned that I had seen him in my
He then professed that he had feelings
for me too, but since I was way his senior
he didn't dare tell me how he felt.
He then gave me a long satisfying hug.
I could feel his erection, but I really
didn't care at that time, it was as if
I had just been liberated.
We untangled in time so I could get to
the airport in time.
It felt so good to be in someone's arms
From that day we were chatting almost
And then he told me he was coming to
Lagos for something, I should please come
and see him.
I couldn't tell my family I was going to
Lagos to meet a friend, it didn't make
So I decided to create an alibi that will
justify my trip to Lagos
By this time I had met someone else
again, this time a colleague, who worked
I organized the trip with him, and when
I got into the guest room in Lagos,
he was just all over me.
I was surprised a little because he didn't
give me a hint that he wanted me sexually.
I struggled to get him off me but I was
just amazed at his dexterity and how
smoothly he was about to get into me,
but I was able to eventually get him off me
and he ejaculated on himself.
I was alarmed.
I didn't know how to handle this, but I
just shrugged it off because I wasn't
even interested in him at all.
That same evening my friend arrived.
I had thought he wasn't going to come
I tried to get him a different room to
stay in but he insisted on staying with
me, with the submission that the
receptionist at the front desk was
nowhere to be found.
I realized that this was a ploy to get me
with him, and I didn't know what to do
to ensure we didn't commit adultery.
Then he said he just wanted to snuggle
up with me, and promised he wouldn't
do anything beyond that.
Of course I didn't believe him, but then
how could I really say I didn't know
what he wanted.
Why would he ask me to come
from Zaria to Lagos just to say hi?
I just could not stand my ground and
Well, I was lucky again and didn't have
sex with him but he cuddled and touched
everywhere and I was just pitying myself
and my husband.
I couldn't imagine how I got to this stage
of allowing another man to see my
I asked God to just kill me.
And the plane ride back home the
following day was really turbulent.
I arrived safely and felt God was
giving me another chance.
I told the guy we couldn't continue
That I felt I was just attached to him
because of what I had gone through
with my husband.
He understood perfectly and even gave
I thought that was all, and I started trying
to develop my relationship with my husband,
but it was just terrible.
I just never enjoyed sex with him, and it
seemed even worse when I tried to guide
him to how he should touch me and where.
Only once in a while did I thoroughly
enjoy the process, and I always got to
orgasm by taking his laps.
But I wasn't complaining.
I didn't have any issues with it.
Insofar as my husband was satisfied,
that was fine by me.
Then I got another job in April 2019.
It was prayer answered
My whole family relocated to the state
where i got the job.
My husband also finally got a job in
that state too in December 2019.
When we had started out in our marriage,
we used to talk about everything
including our finances, but when
communication broke down 2014-2015
we stopped having those discussions.
We had really drifted apart.
I didn't really have anything to tell him
beyond talking about the children's
training or the random thing on the
news, or church matters.
At my new job, I was doing well,
trying to find my way in the ministry of
Justice, and then boom!
My boss indicates his interest in me.
He didn't ask me out directly
I certainly would have turned him down.
It was a hug first, that felt very fatherly.
Then we traveled abroad with some
colleagues and he told me to go shopping
for new clothes at some specific places
and sent me some money to do that.
His chats on phone were becoming
quite endearing and I was hoping it wasn't
an affair that was brewing.
After I returned we became quite
close, he always wanted me around him,
I was his deputy anyways, so there really
wasn't anything unusual.
But one day he caught me alone in his
office and kissed me and pinned me
in such a way that I couldn't get him
I have never been able to shout or do
any such thing anytime I get in such
situations with a man, I just keep
hoping and praying that I will somehow
get out unscathed.
So the next thing he had gotten his finger
into my vagina and was so delighted at
how 'wet' I was, and he sucked his finger
when he brought it out.
I was aghast.
In my mind, I told myself if this man
thinks he can have me just like that
he is mistaken.
Afterward he whispered in my ear,
that I was his. I told him impossible.
He said let's wait and see.
Well, I prayed (I pray and read my Bible
everyday. Talking to God is the norm
with me, because He is the only One I
can open up to totally.)
And so I took this to God in prayers
I discussed with my music producer
(oh, I also sing!) and he encouraged me,
telling me I should not believe the lie of
But eventually my boss got me.
He arranged for us to travel on an official
trip to discuss with another senior colleague
of mine so I could have a smooth relationship
with him in another hospital where I was to
start working part-time.
He told me we were going to stay in the
same room because he wasn't going to pay
for two rooms, so I made sure I went with
my ATM card so I could pay for my own room.
But somehow when we got there, he
transferred the money to my account to pay,
and he was with me, so I couldn't pay for
the two rooms.
Maybe I should have, maybe I wouldn't be
where I am now.
Well that night he made love to me, and
even though I felt so disappointed in myself,
it was the sweetest experience I ever had.
And he was so enarmored with me.
Early in the morning again he took me again.
On our way back, he stopped and got another
hotel room and took me again.
That whole day I was in tears.
I refused to eat.
I couldn't pray in tongues.
I was just asking God to take me away.
I couldn't believe that someone had slept
I had saved it all for my husband, I wanted
only my husband forever, but someone else
had taken me.
And to make matters worse, he never used
lubrication, he didn't have to search for
where the vagina was like my husband would,
he just slipped in smoothly and got me to
orgasm on all three occasions.
I was amazed at my body's response to him.
After I got back to work, I called my
producer, and told him I had been defiled,
and I was going to talk to one of our pastors
He advised me to tell my husband directly,
but I remembered my experience in 2017,
and said no.
I would tell my pastor first, before I told him.
And that's what I did: told my pastor, and
with his encouragement came home and
told my husband.
My husband asked us to divorce, that he
can't cope, I tried to encourage him.
We went back to our pastor in Abuja and
he counseled us.
He told us that we needed to beef up
spiritually, we needed to return to our
He rebuked me, and advised me to leave
the job and my boss. He told me if I go
back to sleep with him I will find it very
difficult to come out.
He counseled us to get some books on
the sexual act to help us.
If there is one thing I want the most in
my life, it's to please God. Rev 4:11 has
been my motto for a long time now.
But after all these I'm not sure anymore
if I please God.
I have asked for forgiveness just like
King David, but I'm still not clear in my
I still don't want my husband to touch me.
The last time we had sex, which was more
than two weeks ago, his touch on my skin
felt like needles.
I hated every moment, although he got me
to orgasm (without the laps).
When we were through he wanted to cuddle,
but I wasn't comfortable at all
I couldn't sleep, I started having back pain,
I just stood up and ran to the toilet and
started crying and begging God to tell him
to go back to his room.
It was at that point I felt that his life was
I felt so bad for him.
I have hurt him so badly, and I don't know
how to make him happy again.
I'm not able to encourage him to express
Meanwhile with my boss even though
I have not seen him in over a month and
I have tried not to chat with him, occasionally
I just want to talk to him, and we've actually
had phone sex a number of times.
I told myself I can't allow myself to be
dragged down to do disgusting things
like that anymore.
I told him some days ago that I was not
going to chat him up for a while.
I just needed to clear my head.
But a friend sent me a picture of him at
a function and I couldn't resist the urge
of greeting him.
We chatted briefly, and then he said
I miss you.
I refused to answer, and deleted it quickly.
But this incidence reminds me I still have
feelings for him.
From my study, this falling in love thing
usually fades away in about 18months to
My problem is, how am I sure that I won't
fall into another trap again if I am not able
to sort out this thing with my husband now?
I really don't want to ever get back into this
I must confess though that if God gave me
a choice between my husband and my boss,
I would blindly follow my boss.
But I know it is not right, and I'm choosing
to do what is right, even though it is difficult.
I have been praying and hoping things
What else do I do?
PS: Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls.
Watch what you think about
Watch what you find fault in
Guard your heart with all diligence
There is so much to say
But my ink has become invisible
If you can read what I have not
You are learning from James 3:2
With your thoughts and imagination
you can break the hedge or the
walls of your protection and
expose yourself to all manner of
realities simply because of your