Letter from Abuja
She was an undergraduate
We got into a relationship months later
after she came home visiting from school
But when she got back we kept communicating,
even though it was difficult because the
school didn't allow them to use phones at
the time but a special card which they had
to use in a booth and that's only when
they could take calls so communication
affected our relationship
The relationship became on and off because
I was in Abuja and she was far off in Ota
I started dating another lady but still kept
in touch from time to time with her then as
we could go for weeks sometimes without
In 2011 I resigned my job and ventured into
starting my own company she was still a student
then and I was visiting Lagos
One of the things that kept pushing me away
from her was that she could quarrel over
nothing, everything or anything.
I felt it was okay and she would eventually
mature so it wasn't a problem or it's
something I could manage at the time or
so I thought
She was young and beautiful and she
always told me she wasn't dating anyone
in school and her studies wouldn't even
allow her. I believed
So in that Visit to Lagos, I put up in my
friends' place, her school wasn't in session
so she came by and we were together
During those times where the days of the
blackberry phones and One of the models
just came out and in a week, I got myself
one before I took the trip it cost me over
One afternoon while I was asleep,
she had taken my phone gone to through
it cause I backed up messages and chats
from the previous phone into the new phone
and saw a message I sent to the lady I dated
back then and I also sent a copy to her,
she came out screaming and shouting and
repeatedly smashing the phone picking it
up while I tried to stop her, I got emotional
and hit her several times, took my SIM card
from the phone left for Abuja on the next
flight the following day.
The episode set me back for a while even
as I was able to get a new phone then,
I couldn't get my Notes back which had
business transactions and details on
Before I left I told her that was the end
of the relationship
She came to Abuja weeks later and I didn't
let her into my house even when she said
she wanted to talk, we stayed outside she
asked to be forgiven for going off like that,
screaming and smashing my phone. I had
forgiven her but didn't want the relationship
She cried, cried called and left back to school
but I refused to bulge
This was the first-ever experience I had
encountered in a relationship with my girl
destroying stuff and screaming at me.
I thought I was a sweet boy dating even back
in university, I won best couple awards twice
in the entire school because I knew I was a
the sweet boy who could treat a lady right but
for that experience with her.
She kept on calling and insisting that she
wanted the relationship back even 1 year after
She graduated and was doing her NYSC
I had feelings for her and she kept promising
never to raise her voice at me or destroy stuff
We started meeting up from time to time but
this time we didn't have sex and she said till
we get married.
At this time I had this friend with benefits.
She didn't want a relationship.
Just comes to hang out with me I sleep with
her give her money
When it became serious again with my her
I cut off the relationship with the FWB
This happened 1 year later we got married.
The last time I saw her was (FWB) was 8
months before we got married.
I keep mentioning this FWB because I
would talk about her subsequently
Now let me talk about my wife's family
profile before I talk about the counselling
we had and the wedding
She's a 1st child and has 3 younger brothers
Her mum and dad divorced when she was
11 and it was messy.
Her dad accused her of cheating and
overheard conversations with her mum's
I know this now because, I spoke with the father
Her Mum had 2 kids with her dad
That's she and the brother and the mum
remarried a man who's widowed and
who had a son.
They all lived together in Abuja
She has always hated the stepfather
but never told me why even when I asked
if the man tried to sleep with her
she said NO
I couldn't figure what it was or she
never wanted to talk about it
The stepfather in all my communications
with him is a nice man.
He sponsored one of our traditional weddings
and he took her as his daughter.
I said one of our traditional weddings
because, we had to have two traditional
weddings on the same day at 2 different
Both families, that of, her father and that
of her mum didn't
agree and we had set a date printed IV's
and plans were all set
The stepfather used to call me and advice
me about business and marriage and
the patience, sacrifice that comes with it.
I think now I understand why and this was
what kept me wondering why she hated
him so much.
Before the marriage, we had our counselling
and that in that period, I started getting a
different picture of who my supposed to
be wife is, I thought I could manage it
because in almost every step of the
planning, there was always something we
would quarrel about
During one of our introductions to the family
because we had 2 one for the mother side
and another for the father side, the mum
followed us to that of the fathers' side and
she asked to make a speech and started
throwing insults to the father of her daughter,
the were so many elders there and my father
and my step mum were there too(my mum
is late passed on in 2006 after I finished NYSC).
And everyone was shocked.
And we couldn't understand the bitterness after
so many years and we have come to
a place a celebration you start throwing
insults at the man and his family?
This was my Dad asking....
We got over everything and travelled back
to Abuja put that behind us.
But I started thinking and couldn't help
but notice how abusive verbally and
physically her mum was to kids in their
house whenever I visited and everyone
pass it off over there like it was normal
and me coming from a home where the
most I have received in my life was a
knock and I could count how many times
that has ever happened in my life time and
my Dad has never raised his hand on me or
even his voice, only my mum did the
spanking which was last in my primary
school, and we lived in this house filled
cousins uncles and Aunty's related and
not related and everything was so peaceful
so imagine my shock to see a mother
verbally and physically assault kids
because she adopted them
Like I said imagine my shock
On the day of the wedding, there was a
mild drama in Church as the pastor
called out for father of the bride and
both the stepfather and her real
Dad stepped out
The pastor called spoke to both men
and the stepfather claimed he raised
her through secondary school and
university while her father said she's
my daughter and I gave birth to her.
Then the pastor asks to see the bride
privately that who would you want to
sign as your father imagine my shock
when she says her step father.
And this is a man that you have projected
so much hate about. I asked her if she's
sure and she says if there's another
opportunity she would do this over and
Her Dad steps back waits for the wedding
to finish and the step the step dad signs
He comes to the reception venue during
our wedding and my best man spots him
sitting from a distance they met and he
told me his pain that his daughter has
denied him a front of the church and he just
came here to let me know he has witnessed
the marriage but he would be cutting her
off totally. I pleaded with him but he
I stayed in touch we talked on the phone
from time to time with the father but my
wife didn't care and wouldn't bulge to try
to talk her father or even apologise this
went on 2 years after marriage and there
was no week my wife and I didn't talk about
this for her to try and call.
She would lie that she did but he didn't pick up.
I'll tell her to send a text.
She didn't I slowed this down because it
always ended in one quarrel or something
One day I was out of town for a trip and I
told her I was upset with her over her
Dad's situation and I don't know what
made her happy but she asked me to send
her dad's number I think she was about to
have our child this was the first time she
called and told him she's going to have a
baby and he's going to be a grandfather.
The man was happy called me and called
my Dad and said he would come to see us
when the baby arrives.
That was how that settled. Until the mum
found out she was talking to her father
and another set of issues started
But before all of this, my Marriage was
torrid humiliating and torrid
We promised each other never to check our
phones so I didn't put a password or lock on
my phone and she told me from time to time
she would check the phone just to clear her
doubts which was fine with me, and I told
her she wouldn't destroy anything of she's
angry which she promised not to and also
we should always ask for clarity before we
take anything out from each other, we both
agreed to this 3 months into our marriage
I came back home after a champions
league match, because when I came back
home she was trying to raise her voice at me
and I told her I would be stepping out it was
11pm, I came home and she had locked the
doors, we lived in an apartment downstairs
so I walked to the window to see her awake
looking at me and not responding to the
knocks she saw me by the window and
I got mad I had stayed outside for 1 hour and
it was midnight and she wouldn't bulge,
I threatened I was going to destroy the door
and come and and she would pack out.
She turned on the laptop on the bed put in
earphones started watching a movie.
I got mad got a hose from the pumped water
through the window into the room she dropped
the laptop in the water knowing fully it was
my business machine and left that room to
the next room and refused to open the door
I went to the burglary proof pulled it out of
I truly did not know where the strength
came from and kicked the door so hard
with so many kicks until it broke got into
the house and she had locked her self in
the other room and locked our room she
had called our pastor, the some of our church
leaders, who had started calling my phone
and me Still filled with rage broke both
the room doors and with slaps dragged
her out. Called her mum and stepdad
and asked them to come and pick her up
this was about 2 am in the morning.
The got to our place in about 30mins
and came to carry her.
She had socked my laptop in water and
I had destroyed the doors and slapped her.
I regretted. She had left I could sleep.
My knees hurt from trying to kick in
I had told my wife about every single
relationship I have had one night stands,
everyone and everything who I was in a
serious relationship with and who wasn't
serious so she knew this lady.
Apparently they even met once in a
bridal shop during the wedding planning
and she had moved out of Abuja.
That incident was on a Tuesday night,
the pastor called to see me and she was
there and with his explanation, It was like
I was wrong to tell my wife all the details
in the past. I still didn't want her home
because I was angry about the laptop.
Her step father intervened.
He called me out for dinner and explained
so many things about life and forgiveness
and told me she would call to apologise,
She didn't, then on the Sunday morning
before they left to church, he brought her
to the house
I still didn't put a lock on my phone
I could wake up in the morning and see
that all the female names on my contacts
have been deleted.
There's a day she unfollowed all the
females on my Instagram
I never responded to all these.
I wasn't even dating or trying to sleep
I had a business I was running and was
trying hard to keep my head above water.
A new client I had told me to always call
his secretary a lady on one of our projects
we had started I came home with the
business card she gave to me.
My wife started to call and harass this
lady 2 weeks into the project, it was all
shades of embarrassing and this was a
year long project renewable every year and
would leave some cool millions in my account.
I didn't even figure this was going on the
And she would call with my phone by
2am - 3am and delete the logs. and the
client didn't mention it to me nor the lady
she just reported to her boss, after the 1st
quarter, the project was cancelled.
Further in to the relationship, I dated a
lady way back in 2007 before I meet her
we broke after she travelled for her masters
degree, and there was very poor
communication with her while she was away
for her masters.
This was before I even met my wife before
we started dating. I had met her Dad and I did
business with him even while she was out of
He became ED in a financial institution and
she worked with him she's now married
with four kids.
There's a project someone had quoted for to
them she told me about it and I could have
done it way less and made millions of Naira.
I told my wife about it and I told her everything
on the project the cost the profit we were
going to make and this business would give
us a strong footing for our family get us…
I thought this was going to make her
comfortable with it and the value it would
bring especially as she knew all the details.
My God was I not wrong. She sent me her
account number to pay for the registration
which I sent the funds the next morning by
6am I'm seeing this lady call me I pick up
the phone and she said she had sent the
funds back to my account in the organisation
and forget about the project and never
contact her again! what happened?
Madam had called her at 3am to put her on
notice with my phone she was with her
I didn't know where the shame would start
from from me. I needed the money tried to
explain it was a mistake but she would have
none of it and dropped the call.
She was by my side on the bed and
I could only watch her. She just got pregnant
at the time! We couldnt afford to pay our rent
and we had to move
We moved to a smaller apartment which
she paid for then, after leaving her mum's
I got involved with her cousin on another business,
she called the cousin to stop transacting with me.
I expected that so I moved.
We got settled this time by family and when
they asked her what the problem with me
was she said I was dating someone that's the
lady FWB I saw last 8months before we got
married and this was still a problem because
her trust was broken…
For about 6 weeks after then It became
Until I noticed a certain Vivian kept calling
And texting 10-30 messages a day.
She had a lock on her phone and I wasn't
the type that would go out of my way to
check her phone.
During the period, I came home one day
after I forgot stuff in the crib and met one
of our neighbours shirt less and a short knicker
in the house.
I couldn't make sense of it. But in a haste
I picked up what I came for and left
After this night where she slept out,
She got back and continued nagging
I asked her who is Vivian? Oh boy, she exploded
and started insulting and ranting
I said if you have nothing to hide,
bring your phone let's check it, in trying to
reach for the phone she got in front of me
trying everything possible to prevent me
from reaching the phone. I grab the phone
and started seeing messages about
massages how they would have done
stuff if they were not out in someone's
So I see messages that suggest a relationship
I take the phone number and Vivian's phone
number search on WhatsApp it brings out
the name Stephen.
Paste the full details on Facebook brings out
his profile with all I need to know about him
and there are pictures of my wife on his page
suggesting there has been a relationship
while they were in school
Okay this time my wife has gone to call
the guy I saw shirtless in the house to
come and get the phone from me and has
told everyone that I was beating her which
is surprising because If I was beating you
you won't be outside calling people and
you won't be asking anyone to help you
get the phone from me.
I ask everyone to leave the house and
the shirtless guy comes back to say he
wants to protect my wife from me
I push him out
We sleep that night and I call the landlord
the next day to warn him never to to come
to my house when the landlord goes to meet
him he tried to pass some rude remarks and
I go to his house to tell him we will shed blood
if he ever comes to my house again
While all this is going on my wife was recording
everything and sending it to Stephen
Later that day he pays some folks from SARS
Abuja to come pick me up
I wasn't home but the call I show up they take
me to their office I explain he explains and
they ask him to never speak with my wife again
So I go back and start to dig the past through
social media and the messages.
My wife formats her phone to factory setting
Her fone is always connected to the home
WiFi so it backs up all the time and I have
her Gmail password
I was able to retrieve what's app messages on
her phone and messages as well with Stephen
There were days she went out on dates with
him while we were counselling
They were dating before we got married
I find out all this information
And also find out she took my son on his
birthday to Stephen's house
They decorated the place
They decorated Stephen's house for
my son's birthday take pictures and
that's the reason she said she was busy
that we couldn't celebrate on his birthday
the 1st time
When I find out all of this and confront her
she says she wants me to leave the house
because I can kill her before the morning
I told her to call her mum and stepdad
She calls my dad at 2 am and tells me
to leave which I made clear that should I
leave tonight I'm not coming back she agrees
Well I didn't she had already insulted her
stepdad in one of the settlements we were
having and the man says to me and her that
he doesn't want to get involved with anything
that concerns her marriage any more
Okay so I didn't leave that night I called
the counsellor who showed up and asked her
does she want me to leave?
She says yes then I tell my Dad who ask me
to leave immediately
I packed my stuff into the counsellors' car
then my little sister on hearing too came
to pick me up
I wish her well and leave she says she has
the harddrive on my computer that she wants
removed because I initially put the information
on the laptop for her to see so she says she
wants her hard drive back and we should go to
Computer village to remove it from my laptop
which we did.
I ask my little sister to take her there while
her mum calls to see me
I go to her Mum, with all the details I have
and after reading it her mum says she thought
we agreed not to check each others phone
I'm shocked so is my little sister.
And tells me if that's what she wants then
I should move I told her my stuff is out in
the car and I have left
And that was where the separation started
This was October last year.
One week later I move to Lagos and keep
sending money for upkeep 40-50k weekly
Sorry monthly I meant
She keeps complaining that it's not nearly
Then her mum calls and asked me to please
come back to her daughter
And I should come back for the
Christmas holiday, I didn't
Then she's contacting my friends and calling
me to come back which I do
I'm beginning to put my life together in Lagos,
got a small hustle and I say let me go to Abuja
as my son is about to resume school
I still love her won't lie
We see and she's kind of withdrawn
I assume she's in a relationship and
I would understand
We were separated
I ask her she says she not dating anyone or
sleeping with anyone which is an obvious lie
But I ask if we can make this up
Especially for the sake of our child
We try to have a conversation she starts
raising her voice at me and I stop
I got a new phone that has a great camera
and she passes a comment that she wishes
she has a camera like that
And I offer her the phone
So we could swap before I go back to lagos
I ask if she would relocate and join me
she says sure as far as the business is
So why I wrote this part of the message
is her mum contacts me one day to say
I keep pretending to have a son, that a
father ghat doesn't take care of the child
doesn't have a son.
I mean, I have been sending all the funds
to your daughter's account.
She then asks which money and I tell you
I will send a screenshot of all the times
I have sent the funds
She and the daughter get arguing,
they do this alot.
Sometime in July the mum and brother
beat her up and she had to call the cops.
She didn't tell me about it.
I just found out
Bros, this is a way off family.......
My Dad thinks they need Jesus
I've been typing for a while let me
just send you the screenshot
My hands are numb
There are videos, nude videos, she made with
and sent to her lovers (I have them)
I may not be able to send hope you understand
I have also emailed you a couple of information
One of these guys is my neighbour upstairs in
the previous house we lived in
One of them is the neighbour in the current
House I moved from
I have the phone numbers of at least 7 people
she's having something to do with
Including her school boyfriend who she's
never stopped being in touch with
To love a woman this way
Ps: It's a long read
He wrote and wrote for hours yesterday
I promised myself I would publish his story
When I hear "Believers" complaining about
their marriage or being discontented with
their "Christian" spouses
I compare their reality with the likes of the
one described here and I laugh!
The reality of the unbeliever is harsh!
I once walked in it!
It makes absolutely no sense!
An untethered life of constant error