Letter from Abuja

She was an undergraduate 
We got into a relationship months later 
after she came home visiting from school
But when she got back we kept communicating, 
even though it was difficult because the
school didn't allow them to use phones at 
the time but a special card which they had 
to use in a booth and that's only when 
they could take calls so communication 
affected our relationship
The relationship became on and off because 
I was in Abuja and she was far off in Ota
I started dating another  lady but still kept 
in touch from time to time with her then as 
we could go for weeks sometimes without 
talking
In 2011 I resigned my job and ventured into 
starting my own company she was still a student
then and I was visiting Lagos
One of the things that kept pushing me away 
from her was that she could quarrel over 
nothing, everything or anything. 
I felt it was okay and she would eventually 
mature so it wasn't a problem or it's 
something I could manage at the time or 
so I thought
She was young and beautiful and she 
always told me she wasn't dating anyone 
in school and her studies wouldn't even 
allow her. I believed
So in that Visit to Lagos, I put up in my 
friends' place, her school wasn't in session 
so she came by and we were together
During those times where the days of the 
blackberry phones and One of the models 
just came out and in a week, I got myself 
one before I took the trip it cost me over 
150k then
One afternoon while I was asleep, 
she had taken my phone gone to through 
it cause I backed up messages and chats 
from the previous phone into the new phone 
and saw a message I sent to the lady I dated 
back then and I also sent a copy to her, 
she came out screaming and shouting and 
repeatedly smashing the phone picking it 
up while I tried to stop her, I got emotional 
and hit her several times, took my SIM card 
from the phone left for Abuja on the next 
flight the following day. 
The episode set me back for a while even 
as I was able to get a new phone then, 
I couldn't get my Notes back which had 
business transactions and details on
Before I left I told her that was the end 
of the relationship
She came to Abuja weeks later and I didn't 
let her into my house even when she said 
she wanted to talk, we stayed outside she 
asked to be forgiven for going off like that, 
screaming and smashing my phone. I had 
forgiven her but didn't want the relationship 
anymore
She cried, cried called and left back to school 
but I refused to bulge
This was the first-ever experience I had 
encountered in a relationship with my girl 
destroying stuff and screaming at me. 
I thought I was a sweet boy dating even back 
in university, I won best couple awards twice 
in the entire school because I knew I was a 
the sweet boy who could treat a lady right but 
for that experience with her.
She kept on calling and insisting that she 
wanted the relationship back even 1 year after
She graduated and was doing her NYSC
I had feelings for her and she kept promising 
never to raise her voice at me or destroy stuff
We started meeting up from time to time but 
this time we didn't have sex and she said till 
we get married.
At this time I had this friend with benefits. 
She didn't want a relationship. 
Just comes to hang out with me I sleep with 
her give her money
When it became serious again with my her 
I cut off the relationship with the FWB
This happened 1 year later we got married. 
The last time I saw her was (FWB) was 8 
months before we got married. 
I keep mentioning this FWB because I 
would talk about her subsequently
Now let me talk about my wife's family 
profile before I talk about the counselling 
we had and the wedding
She's a 1st child and has 3 younger brothers
Her mum and dad divorced when she was  
11 and it was messy.
Her dad  accused her of cheating and 
overheard conversations with her mum's 
supposed boyfriend. 
I know this now because, I spoke with the father
Her Mum had 2 kids with her dad
That's she and the brother and the mum 
remarried a man who's widowed and 
who had a son. 
They all lived together in Abuja
She has always hated the stepfather 
but never told me why even when I asked
 if the man tried to sleep with her 
she said NO
I couldn't figure what it was or she 
never wanted to talk about it
The stepfather in all my communications 
with him is a nice man. 
He sponsored one of our traditional weddings 
and he took her as his daughter. 
I said one of our traditional weddings 
because, we had to have two traditional 
weddings on the same day at 2 different 
locations
Both families, that of, her father and that 
of her mum didn't 
agree and we had set a date printed IV's 
and plans were all set
The stepfather used to call me and advice 
me about business and marriage and 
the patience, sacrifice that comes with it. 
I think now I understand why and this was 
what kept me wondering why she hated 
him so much.
Before the marriage, we had our counselling 
and that in that period, I started getting a 
different picture of who my supposed to 
be wife is, I thought I could manage it 
because in almost every step of the 
planning, there was always something we 
would quarrel about
During one of our introductions to the family 
because we had 2 one for the mother side 
and another for the father side, the mum 
followed us to that of the fathers' side and 
she asked to make a speech and started 
throwing insults to the father of her daughter,
 the were so many elders there and my father 
and my step mum were there too(my mum 
is late passed on in 2006 after I finished NYSC). 
And everyone was shocked. 
And we couldn't understand the bitterness after 
so many years and we have come to 
a place a celebration you start throwing 
insults at the man and his family? 
This was my Dad asking....
We got over everything and travelled back 
to Abuja put that behind us. 
But I started thinking and couldn't help 
but notice how abusive verbally and 
physically her mum was to kids in their 
house whenever I visited and everyone 
pass it off over there like it was normal 
and me coming from a home where the 
most I have received in my life was a 
knock and I could count how many times 
that has ever happened in my life time and 
my Dad has never raised his hand on me or 
even his voice, only my mum did the 
spanking which was last in my primary 
school, and we lived in this house filled 
cousins uncles and Aunty's related and 
not related and everything was so peaceful 
so imagine my shock to see a mother 
verbally and physically assault kids 
because she adopted them
Like I said imagine my shock
On the day of the wedding, there was a 
mild drama in Church as the pastor 
called out for father of the bride and 
both the stepfather and her real 
Dad stepped out
The pastor called spoke to both men 
and the stepfather claimed he raised 
her through secondary school and 
university while her father said she's 
my daughter and I gave birth to her. 
Then the pastor asks to see the bride 
privately that who would you want to 
sign as your father imagine my shock 
when she says her step father. 
And this is a man that you have projected 
so much hate about. I asked her if she's 
sure and she says if there's another 
opportunity she would do this over and 
over again
Her Dad steps back waits for the wedding 
to finish and the step the step dad signs 
the document
He comes to the reception venue during  
our wedding and my best man spots him 
sitting from a distance they met and he 
told me his pain that his daughter has 
denied him a front of the church and he just 
came here to let me know he has witnessed 
the marriage but he would be cutting her 
off totally. I pleaded with him but he 
eventually left
I stayed in touch we talked on the phone 
from time to time with the father but my 
wife didn't care and wouldn't bulge to try 
to talk her father or even apologise this 
went on 2 years after marriage and there 
was no week my wife and I didn't talk about 
this for her to try and call. 
She would lie that she did but he didn't pick up. 
I'll tell her to send a text. 
She didn't I slowed this down because it 
always ended in one quarrel or something
One day I was out of town for a trip and I 
told her I was upset with her over her 
Dad's situation and I don't know what
 made her happy but she asked me to send 
her dad's number I think she was about to 
have our child this was the first time she 
called and told him she's going to have a 
baby and he's going to be a grandfather. 
The man was happy called me and called 
my Dad and said he would come to see us 
when the baby arrives.
 That was how that settled. Until the mum 
found out she was talking to her father 
and another set of issues started
But before all of this, my Marriage was 
torrid humiliating and torrid
We promised each other never to check our 
phones so I didn't put a password or lock on 
my phone and she told me from time to time 
she would check the phone just to clear her 
doubts which was fine with me, and I told 
her she wouldn't destroy anything of she's 
angry which she promised not to and also 
we should always ask for clarity before we 
take anything out from each other, we both 
agreed to this 3 months into our marriage 
I came back home after a champions 
league match, because when I came back 
home she was trying to raise her voice at me 
and I told her I would be stepping out it was 
11pm, I came home and she had locked the 
doors, we lived in an apartment downstairs 
so I walked to the window to see her awake 
looking at me and not responding to the 
knocks she saw me by the window and 
turned over
I got mad I had stayed outside for 1 hour and 
it was midnight and she wouldn't bulge, 
I threatened I was going to destroy the door 
and come and and she would pack out. 
She turned on the laptop on the bed put in 
earphones started watching a movie. 
I got mad got a hose from the pumped water 
through the window into the room she dropped 
the laptop in the water knowing fully it was 
my business machine and left that room to 
the next room and refused to open the door
I went to the burglary proof pulled it out of 
the wall. 
I truly did not know where the strength 
came from and kicked the door so hard 
with so many kicks until it broke got into 
the house and she had locked her self in 
the other room and locked our room she 
had called our pastor, the some of our church 
leaders, who had started calling my phone 
and me Still filled with rage broke both 
the room doors and with slaps dragged 
her out. Called her mum and stepdad 
and asked them to come and pick her up 
this was about 2 am in the morning. 
The got to our place in about 30mins 
and came to carry her. 
She had socked my laptop in water and 
I had destroyed the doors and slapped her. 
I regretted. She had left I could sleep. 
My knees hurt from trying to kick in 
the door. 
I had told my wife about every single 
relationship I have had one night stands, 
everyone and everything who I was in a 
serious relationship with and who wasn't 
serious so she knew this lady. 
Apparently they even met once in a 
bridal shop during the wedding planning 
and she had moved out of Abuja. 
That incident was on a Tuesday night, 
the pastor called to see me and she was 
there and with his explanation, It was like 
I was wrong to tell my wife all the details 
in the past. I still didn't want her home 
because I was angry about the laptop. 
Her step father intervened.
He called me out for dinner and explained 
so many things about life and forgiveness 
and told me she would call to apologise, 
She didn't, then on the Sunday morning 
before they left to church, he brought her 
to the house
I still didn't put a lock on my phone
I could wake up in the morning and see 
that all the female names on my contacts 
have been deleted. 
Unprovoked. 
There's a day she unfollowed all the 
females on my Instagram
I never responded to all these.
 I wasn't even dating or trying to sleep 
with anybody. 
I had a business I was running and was 
trying hard to keep my head above water.
 A new client I had told me to always call 
his secretary a lady on one of our projects 
we had started I came home with the 
business card she gave to me. 
My wife started to call and harass this 
lady 2 weeks into the project, it was all 
shades of embarrassing and this was a 
year long project renewable every year and 
would leave some cool millions in my account. 
I didn't even figure this was going on the 
calling harassments.
 And she would call with my phone by 
2am - 3am and delete the logs. and the 
client didn't mention it to me nor the lady 
she just reported to her boss, after the 1st 
quarter, the project was cancelled.
Further in to the relationship, I dated a 
lady way back in 2007 before I meet her 
we broke after she travelled for her masters 
degree, and there was very poor 
communication with her while she was away 
for her masters. 
This was before I even met my wife before 
we started dating. I had met her Dad and I did 
business with him even while she was out of 
Nigeria. 
He became ED in a financial institution and 
she worked with him she's now married 
with four kids. 
There's a project someone had quoted for to 
them she told me about it and I could have 
done it way less and made millions of Naira. 
I told my wife about it and I told her everything 
on the project the cost the profit we were 
going to make and this business would give 
us a strong footing for our family get us…
I thought this was going to make her
 comfortable with it and the value it would 
bring especially as she knew all the details. 
My God was I not wrong. She sent me her 
account number to pay for the registration 
which I sent the funds the next morning by 
6am I'm seeing this lady call me I pick up 
the phone and she said she had sent the 
funds back to my account in the organisation 
and forget about the project and never 
contact her again! what happened? 
Madam had called her at 3am to put her on 
notice with my phone she was with her 
husband. 
I didn't know where the shame would start 
from from me. I needed the money tried to 
explain it was a mistake but she would have 
none of it and dropped the call. 
She was by my side on the bed and 
I could only watch her. She just got pregnant
at the time! We couldnt afford to pay our rent
and we had to move
We moved to a smaller apartment which 
she paid for then, after leaving her mum's 
place. 
I got involved with her cousin on another business, 
she called the cousin to stop transacting with me. 
I expected that so I moved. 
We got settled this time by family and when 
they asked her what the problem with me 
was she said I was dating someone that's the 
lady FWB I saw last 8months before we got 
married and this was still a problem because 
her trust was broken…
For about 6 weeks after then It became 
quite peaceful
Until I noticed a certain  Vivian kept calling 
her phone
And texting 10-30 messages a day. 
She had a lock on her phone and I wasn't 
the type that would go out of my way to 
check her phone.
During the period, I came home one day 
after I forgot stuff in the crib and met one 
of our neighbours shirt less and a short knicker 
in the house.
I couldn't make sense of it. But in a haste 
I picked up what I came for and left
After this night where she slept out, 
She got back and continued nagging 
I asked her who is Vivian? Oh boy, she exploded 
and started insulting and ranting 
I said if you have nothing to hide, 
bring your phone let's check it, in trying to 
reach for the phone she got in front of me 
trying everything possible to prevent me
 from reaching the phone. I grab the phone 
and started seeing messages about 
massages how they would have done 
stuff if they were not out in someone's 
else's house
So I see messages that suggest a relationship 
I take the phone number and Vivian's phone 
number search on WhatsApp it brings out 
the name Stephen. 
Paste the full details on  Facebook brings out 
his profile with all I need to know about him 
and there are pictures of my wife on his page 
suggesting there has been a relationship 
while they were in school
Okay this time my wife has gone to call 
the guy I saw shirtless in the house to 
come and get the phone from me and has 
told everyone that I was beating her which 
is surprising because If I was beating you 
you won't be outside calling people and 
you won't be asking anyone to help you 
get the phone from me.
I ask everyone to leave the house and 
the shirtless guy comes back to say he 
wants to protect my wife from me
I push him out
We sleep that night and I call the landlord 
the next day to warn him never to to come 
to my house when the landlord goes to meet 
him he tried to pass some rude remarks and 
I go to his house to tell him we will shed blood 
if he ever comes to my house again
While all this is going on my wife was recording 
everything and sending it to Stephen
Later that day he pays some folks from SARS 
Abuja to come pick me up
I wasn't home but the call I show up they take 
me to their office I explain he explains and 
they ask him to  never speak with my wife again
So I go back and start to dig the past through 
social media and the messages. 
My wife formats her phone to factory setting
Her fone is always connected to the home 
WiFi so it backs up all the time and I have 
her Gmail password
I was able to retrieve what's app messages on 
her phone and messages as well with Stephen
There were days she went out on dates with 
him while we were counselling
They were dating before we got married
I find out all this information
And also find out she took my son on his 
birthday to Stephen's house
They decorated the place
They decorated Stephen's house for 
my son's birthday take pictures and 
that's the reason she said she was busy 
that we couldn't celebrate on his birthday 
the 1st time
When I find out all of this and confront her 
she says she wants me to leave the house 
because I can kill her before the morning
I told her to call her mum and stepdad
She calls my dad at 2 am and tells me 
to leave which I made clear that should I 
leave tonight I'm not coming back she agrees
Well I didn't she had already insulted her 
stepdad in one of the settlements we were 
having and the man says to me and her that 
he doesn't want to get involved with anything
 that concerns her marriage any more
Okay so I didn't leave that night I called 
the counsellor who showed up and asked her 
does she want me to leave? 
She says yes then I tell my Dad who ask me 
to leave immediately
I packed my stuff into the counsellors' car
 then my little sister on hearing too came 
to pick me up
I wish her well and leave she says she has 
the harddrive on my computer that she wants 
removed because I initially put the information 
on the laptop for her to see so she says she 
wants her hard drive back and we should go to 
Computer village to remove it from my laptop 
which we did. 
I ask my little sister to take her there while
 her mum calls to see me
I go to her Mum, with all the details I have 
and after reading it her mum says she thought 
we agreed not to check each others phone
I'm shocked so is my little sister. 
And tells me if that's what she wants then 
I should move I told her my stuff is out in 
the car and I have left
And that was where the separation started
This was October last year. 
One week later I move to Lagos and keep 
sending money for upkeep 40-50k weekly
Sorry monthly I meant
She keeps complaining that it's not nearly 
enough
Then her mum calls and asked me to please 
come back to her daughter
And I should come back for the 
Christmas holiday, I didn't
Then she's contacting my friends and calling 
me to come back which I do
I'm beginning to put my life together in Lagos, 
got a small hustle and I say let me go to Abuja 
as my son is about to resume school
I still love her won't lie
We see and she's kind of withdrawn
I assume she's in a relationship and 
fair enough 
I would understand
We were separated
I ask her she says she not dating anyone or 
sleeping with anyone which is an obvious lie
But I ask if we can make this up
Especially for the sake of our child
We try to have a conversation she starts 
raising her voice at me and I stop
I got a new phone that has a great camera 
and she passes a comment that she wishes 
she has a camera like that
And I offer her the phone
So we could swap before I go back to lagos
I ask if she would relocate and join me 
she says sure as far as the business is 
thriving
So why I wrote this part of the message 
is her mum contacts me one day to say 
I keep pretending to have a son, that a 
father ghat doesn't take care of the child 
doesn't have a son. 
I mean, I have been sending all the funds 
to your daughter's account. 
She then asks which money and I tell you 
I will send a screenshot of all the times 
I have sent the funds
She and the daughter get arguing, 
they do this alot. 
Sometime in July the mum and brother 
beat her up and she had to call the cops. 
She didn't tell me about it. 
I just found out
Bros, this is a way off family.......
My Dad thinks they need Jesus
I've been typing for a while let me 
just send you the screenshot
My hands are numb
There are videos, nude videos, she made with
and sent to her lovers (I have them)
I may not be able to send hope you understand
I have also emailed you a couple of information
One of these guys is my neighbour upstairs in 
the previous house we lived in
One of them is the neighbour in the current 
House I moved from
I have the phone numbers of at least 7 people 
she's having something to do with
Including her school boyfriend who she's 
never stopped being in touch with
It's painful
To love a woman this way

Ps: It's a long read
He wrote and wrote for hours yesterday
I promised myself I would publish his story
RAW!
When I hear "Believers" complaining about
their marriage or being discontented with
their "Christian" spouses
I compare their reality with the likes of the
 one described here and I laugh!
The reality of the unbeliever is harsh!
I once walked in it!
It makes absolutely no sense!
An untethered life of constant error