Post Mortem

He said: There are cases where a marriage was never a home and when it eventually scatters it also does not qualify to be called a broken home. 

I asked him to explain He said: I got married to a proper crazy woman, a woman who had no idea what it means to be married.

On my wedding day, I was literarily dragged to the event it was as if I was attending a stranger's marriage and not my own. For starters, we agreed on having a small event, she even told me to bring only 10 people from my family as her family will bring only 10 people too.

 This was for the introduction ceremony when we got there, we met three canopies mounted, drums of beer, and a crowd of about two hundred, it was as if she and her family deliberately set out to embarrass me and my people.

They had all these cane chairs out and a marriage compeer (Alaga) who was making a lot of noise and also making strange financial demands. It was funny to me because this woman left my house the previous day and we talked about a budget for the Introduction.

 We agreed it would be a sitting room affair with the heads of my family and hers sitting to talk and pick a date for the main marriage event I should have walked away after that first day, it was an omen and I saw it, It speaks to how little my words and opinion will count in the marriage itself and how she will only do whatever her parents want regardless of what makes sense or what should be done.

 I suffered through that event, and my instinct told me to run, to walk out of the whole affair and never look back but my mother and all the heads of my family were seated, I am a Christian and it will most likely be seen as the arrow of the enemy taking effect on me if I did that.

I left that event very sad when I got back to my flat with my younger brother, we both realized we hadn't eaten all day and had to go and buy noodles at a shop down the street, I slept in a pool of my tears, my mind kept going back to all the demands of the Alaga which I was unprepared for and the silly remarks like "May we not be incapable husbands" "May we not be rubbing body when they ask us to spend money" It was so much and too much.

 My wife-to-be didn't seem to notice how uncomfortable the entire event was for me, she just dressed up and danced like a puppet, her mother pulled the strings and I have always hated being on the strings of a puppeteer.

 When she eventually came around we talked about it and she didn't see things the way I saw them, she said it was out of her hands because her parents had already made all the arrangements before she got home.

I said you should have given me a heads-up when you saw that the plan had changed, she said "Knowing you, if I give you a heads up, you might as well not show up" So it was better to embarrass me and my family than give me a heads-up.

 I learned my lesson from that week later, they gave my family a date, October 3 They said they would begin with an engagement ceremony at 8 am, and church would be at noon I asked her why we were having an engagement event after the elaborate Introduction we had.

I have attended many weddings in my life, introduction was always a solemn and quiet gathering of two families as they worked out a date suitable for the wedding. It involves no wearing of matching attires, drummers, singers canopies, and paparazzi.

We had all that for the introduction I believed that we didn't need an engagement party again. We should just send the family their yams and other items and move to church she said no Her mother had picked the clothes and this time I should endeavor to bring my whole family because the number of people that came with me for the introduction was embarrassing. I should also come with friends (I had none) who would prostrate with me and make the event colorful.

 It felt like trying to reason with a brick wall I called my family members and told them we were in trouble and I wanted to call it quits my uncle, the head of the family said we could not call it off because his house was in Festac and they were in Satellite town He said: "My name is at stake here, you have brought us this far so you have to see this through".

 It seemed the reputation of other people was more important than what was going on in our minds. This lady told me she prayed and God told her to have a quiet wedding, I have always hated a crowd plus I didn't have the means to do a societal wedding why then were we both going down a path forged by her parent's vanity? 

I don't like it when people overrule God so easily or even overrule other people without thinking of the effect their behavior will have on such people.

 On the wedding day, I refused to leave Festac until 11:50 am her parents were all dressed for the engagement, and all the members of her family were there from 8 am My family members were dressed up and ready too, but I refused to leave the room I slept in at my uncle's house, People took turns to knock on the door, I didn't even feel like waking up not to open it.

Many interpreted it as having cold feet but it was not so I was only trying hard to summon the courage to call it off I didn't want to be married into that family or that lady anymore I should have walked away and damned the consequences but I considered all the sacrifices made by others.

 My parents and their friends had flown down for the event from the USA, family members had flown down from all over the country I had always been a bit of a black sheep, they will never forget the date if I pulled the stunt my instinct was asking me to pull.

I knew the marriage was going to be a disaster but I reasoned that it was better to deal with that later than embarrass the whole family, I dressed up by 11 am and got in the car. By this time her father had called several times, at a time I had to tell him rudely to get off my phone my father overheard me and snatched the phone from me 
He said "Why are you talking to your Father-In-Law like that" I was just looking for someone that the devil would use to help me scatter the whole thing since I had lost the courage to do it myself.

We got to satellite town in a convoy and I misled the convoy away from my Intended's house We went about in circles for another thirty minutes until one of my uncles said "What is going on?" By this time, the bride had cried and cried, I had ruined their engagement party.

We were getting married in the Catholic church and they don't joke with time when we eventually got to the venue, we were met with icy stares. The Alaga insisted on a fine of 10,000 Naira my father paid we took a few pictures and had to change and dash off to church.

 From that moment, everything became a blur the crowd gathered and scattered after the reception at about 7 pm. From the hall we went to her parent's house her mother looked at me with venom in her eyes and said "If I say what is in my mouth to you, you will hate yourself" I ignored her.

 Her father said "I have only slapped her mother once in my life out of anger. Please don't beat or abuse my daughter" I nodded Parents usually don't know their children, their daughter was the aggressive one.  The one they should be admonishing not to beat or abuse me. 

We left at about 8 pm, when we got to Festac water was poured on her legs as she entered my uncle's house. They prayed for us, we left FESTAC for Ketu, my flat (Honeymoon headquarters) When we got there we slept off because we were both so tired.

The next morning at about 6 am, I got a tap on my shoulder I opened my eyes there she was looming over me on the bed like a bad dream She said "I was counting the money they sprayed us at the party yesterday and I cannot find a hundred dollar note" I was like "what?" Then she unloaded I regret marrying you, the way you and your family embarrassed me and my family yesterday was unnecessary and uncalled for, you didn't support us financially, you didn't give us a cow or give a cooling van to tend to our crowd, you guys brought your food and drinks you came late and you refused to participate in the engagement ceremony and now you have stolen the only 100 dollar note given to me after the wedding by your father's friend. 

I jumped out of bed and began to search the room, I was not in the mood for drama. Luckily, she opened the small silver purse she carried with her wedding gown and found the money in it. You would think she would come and apologize for accusing me of stealing that money she didn't she watched me search for it for hours, then she came and said "I hope it is not that wretched money you are still looking for, money that I have found since" I looked at her and smiled I knew the marriage would be tempestuous and we would end up divorced It was only a matter of time"

 PS: I understand the pressure on singles to get married. It cannot be explained let me say clearly that a tempestuous marriage drives one crazy. It alters your behavior and makes you question your sanity; it can cost you your life. If ever you see things that convince you to run from that brother or sister, consider it an appearance of evil and flee as far as your legs can carry you. You will have a lot of explaining to do It is better to explain than to have people explaining on your behalf after you have died or lost your mind . Your decision not to flee would affect your children, your relatives and friends. A bad marriage causes a stink that affects everyone. Always remember this!