Searching For Dopamine

I remember a conversation I had with a pastor some years ago. The conversation made me lose respect for this pastor till today. A member of this pastor's church accused a man of raping her, the accused reached out to me and shared the story. He explained what happened with evidence, he also explained that the organization he worked for had set up a panel to investigate the accusation and he was found not guilty. He shared Whatsapp screenshots of the exchanges he had with this lady from which it can easily be deduced that there was no rape. The lady was suffering from a mental disorder that was relatively new at the time. The mental disorder is called The Comparison Trap. The symptoms of this disorder are anxiety, low self-esteem and depression.

Comparison trap: Social media creates an environment where users constantly compare their lives to the seemingly perfect lives others present online, leading to feelings of inadequacy if they don't receive the same level of validation.

Dopamine boost: Receiving positive feedback on social media can trigger a dopamine release, creating a rewarding cycle that encourages users to seek more validation.

Impact on mental health: Excessive validation seeking on social media can exacerbate existing mental health issues like anxiety and depression and can contribute to body image concerns.

Signs someone might be seeking excessive validation on social media: Feeling anxious or upset when they don't receive many likes or comments, constantly checking their social media accounts for updates, posting content primarily to gain attention or approval, editing photos extensively to present a perfect image, feeling overly reliant on social media for their sense of self-worth.
After hearing from this man, I reached out to the lady on the phone she told me she had written the story on Facebook, and she had also written it on Instagram but she didn't get the kind of engagement she wanted, she then brought the story to Twitter and wrote it in such a way that she denied every responsibility for her actions which led to the two of them having sex. She literally accused this man of raping her and the online warriors of Twitter who are naturally invested in ruining destinies rather than building destinies did everything they could to ruin the man's life. They reached out to his employers in the UK and ensured he faced another panel.
His wife had to come online, weeping and asking people to stop. The wife also became their target. The lady was treated as a victim and she was the perpetrator, the lady told me she wanted to see the man's life destroyed because her life was empty and she did not know what to do with herself.
Her project was simply to destroy this man, I reached out to her pastor and I shared the information I had and the recording of my message with this lady with him. He heard everything and then he said "I don't want that girl dragging me on Twitter as a rape apologist. She has a mental disorder, she craves attention on social media and nothing is sacred to her. I cannot reason with her, so I cannot intervene. As long as the man had sex with her, then he deserves to be punished in whatever way possible. That did not sit well with me, the man is being vilified as a rapist, you know he didn't rape the lady but you are fine with it because he had sex with the lady. Eventually, the man was exonerated. There is an interview on YouTube where he shared his testimony. The pastor however didn't do the right thing in my opinion and I don't want to have any relationship with anyone who acts like him so I had to let go of the relationship on principle. This mental disorder and its effects are not new to me I had handled such cases before and I know how badly the perpetrators claim to be victims but do not exhibit the characteristics of the true victims of rape. You see them engaging followers online, insulting those who dare to question their story and shifting the goal post on the story every time. They never tell the story in a logical way. They quickly jump to anxiety, emotional blackmail and depression. They feel these things truly, not because they were raped but because of the mental illness they are dealing with. When they are not getting any engagement on social media, they feel as if they are losing relevance and losing their importance There is a second case that is similar to this, a lady returned to Nigeria for the Christmas holidays she met an old married male friend in church and they got talking, the male friend told her he was travelling to Dubai for a business meeting in a week. This lady then reaches out to him the next day saying a friend of hers would be getting married in Dubai that week and she would like to travel with him on the same flight. He asked her why she wanted to travel with him, she told him she was claustrophobic and flying without a companion was a huge stress for her. He agreed then she pitched the idea of them sharing a room to save cost. She said she had searched all over the internet for a cheap 5-star hotel but the cost was way above her budget, she then proposed that she share his room and pay him half of the cost of the room so that she could save money. He said no, he was married and his trip was fully funded. She pushed but he insisted he would be staying alone then she said there was a scheme the federal government of Nigeria was doing in which you get travel allowance from some banks and asked him if he was interested. She sent him the websites and texted him the details of how to get the money. She said the money was four thousand dollars, he told her he was not interested she was going to Dubai for a wedding he was going for a meeting. They were on the same flight to Dubai and back to Nigeria to help her cope with her phobia, that was it for him. He was in for a shocker. During the flight to Dubai, she was all over him claiming this was the only way she could cope with the flight. He kept asking her who she was holding that way when she was flying into Nigeria on her trip down from America, she said she took some pills and had to sleep throughout the journey. When they got to Dubai, she jumped onto the train with him from the airport, claiming she would help him find his way to the hotel and then move to her own hotel. He got to his hotel and they told him he had to wait till 11 am to check in. He sat at the reception and she sat there with him.
He was eventually checked in and when he returned to the reception to get his bag, she said she would like to see the room before she would make up her mind if to stay in the same hotel with him or not. They got to the room and she began to beg him to let her stay, she said it is a strange country and she really would prefer to stay with a familiar face around than go to another hotel. When they called the reception to ask about another room, the price they gave her was very expensive because she didn't book ahead. She promised she would stay on her side of the bed and not intrude in his affairs. She said she was not interested in having sex with a married man who obviously was devoted to his wife. He reluctantly agreed.
Day one went without incident, she went shopping while he attended his conference.
Day two was the same thing, he was at the conference all day while she went to the bachelor's party.
Day three was the wedding, she left early while he stayed in the hotel for a while before taking a walk round the city.
On day four, he was asleep when he began to hear some strange sounds, he woke up and saw her masturbating next to him. She looked at him and grabbed his hand, just rub me up and down here, pls, just up and down here. He hissed and got out of bed, she said "You want to leave me like this? You want to be able to tell people that I used myself to beg you but you resisted me? You want to sit with your boys and rubbish me, right? I will call the police, you will rot in jail here if you leave me like this". He ignored her, picked up his laptop and left the room for an office space within the hotel where one can work and make use of the internet for free. He stayed there till daybreak. When it was morning, he went to the room and packed his bags, he said he wanted to move to another room. She started begging him, claiming she could not afford to pay for the room alone and that what she had said the previous day was only a joke. She wept bitterly and blamed everything on her mental health. They had just three days more in Dubai, he decided to stick around but he had a recording device with him, he set it upright on the reading table opposite the bed for his own protection. That day they went on Safari which lasted all day, the day after they went to the water park and the beach.
On the final day, they went shopping at a nearby mall. When it was time for them to sleep after packing their bags, she said, "I have a request, sleep with me in Dubai just for the memory. I may not come back to this country but I have done everything I dreamt of apart from having sex. I am asking you to sleep with me. I don't have to be satisfied, just for the experience". He picked up his laptop and left the room for the office space she had used previously. When it was 2 AM, his head was on the desk. When she came in and pulled him she said she felt guilty that she was making him sleep on a desk while she had the room he paid for all to herself. They got to the room and she kissed him all over. They had sex. When it was morning, they went to the airport and flew back to Nigeria. A week later, he got a summon from the Nigerian Police station at Agungi. She had accused him of raping her in Dubai and also not making good on his promise to pay for her flight. It was like a movie, when he got to the police station he made sure he went with his lawyer and the video recording device which she knew nothing about. Her family members and friends were all there, the police officers came out with her statement. She claimed he lured her to fly to Dubai with him as a friend and raped her when they got there. She claimed he did not reimburse her for her ticket to Dubai after making her buy the ticket with her own money. Her father was screaming, her mother was crying, and the siblings were shouting "Lock him up" He asked the family if she didn't tell them she was going to a wedding and if she didn't attend the wedding with pictures to prove it. The police DPO kept quiet. She couldn't answer the question, her parents also kept quiet then he told them he had a video recording of the last three days of their stay in Dubai. He said he didn't think it is okay for parents to watch their child doing some things but if they insist he would play it for everybody on a laptop. At this point, the lady screamed "How dare you take a video of me without my consent?". It is a criminal offense. Did you inform me you were taking a video? I know you are a pervert. You must not play any video here" Her father said "He must have gone diabolical on her, maybe he used her for ritual because my daughter would never behave this way normally" .The Police DPO told the lady and her parents to excuse him . He spoke with the accused in confidence "You are the victim here and you have a right to press charges and drag this but I think you should just forget about this episode. Their daughter is unwell and that is enough sorrow for her parents already. Please when you leave, don't look at any of them, just walk away". His lawyer felt they should make one or two points known to the crowd that had gathered at the station before they arrived and who had been fed only the lies told by the lady. The DPO said it was not necessary "When they see you guys walking out of here with me behind you, they will know there is no case" The young man and his lawyer then took their leave.
A month later, he suddenly got a message from this lady. She claimed she was pregnant for him and only wanted to let him know. He ignored her when she reached out again, he blocked her everywhere. The next thing he saw was her thread on Twitter. As usual, the headless mob on Twitter had retweeted and commented on it with all their energy. For her, it was the only way to get his attention since he had blocked her. People saw her thread and sent him the link, she had written for the world to read that he raped her and taped it without her consent and as a result of the tape which he was using to blackmail her, she couldn't function normally anymore. She was experiencing anxiety, nervousness, fear, etc and she just wanted the tape to be destroyed so that she could go back to her quiet life. He reached out to his lawyer, his lawyer reached out to her she said she would pull down the story if he would meet with her in a public place for a meeting. The lawyer agreed, she pulled down the thread and logged out of Twitter. They met the following day at a restaurant, she made him an offer "I am not pregnant, all I had was a yeast infection which I got from my new set of panties I just needed to catch your attention but I guess you saw through that. I have a lot of money and three houses in Lagos. I stayed with you for a week in Dubai and you respected me and treated me with dignity. I want you to leave your wife for me, you don't have to marry me. Just be with me so that I can live a semblance of a normal life, I will manage my own financial affairs, you don't have to be responsible for me or anything like that. I felt alive and wanted when we were together, I will pay you a lot of money to be with me. I will share half of my savings and properties with you, I will sign any prenuptial agreement you desire. I know and acknowledge that I have hurt you but we can get past it Please..." He didn't say a word, He just stood up and left.

PS: We should stop encouraging mentally challenged people by validating their lies when we have not heard from both sides of the story. We should not presume anyone guilty, rather it is innocent until proven guilty. We should not believe every rape story, especially when the time had elapsed and the proper tests can no longer be conducted. If the case had been handled in court or by a panel or family, the person bringing it to social media is by his or her action now a perpetrator. He or she wanted the mob to help him or her execute judgment simply because he or she did not have his or her way with constituted authority. We should not be so quick to destroy just for the fun of it. I have seen the guilty crying while the innocent didn't shed a tear, I have seen the perpetrator threatening to commit suicide if the victim is not found guilty, I have seen someone accuse a man of rape only to later state that it was her friend that told her the story, she was not really raped. Let us endeavor to search all things before we ruin people's lives.

-GSW-