Sneak and Tattler

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” C. S. Lewis.

During the darkest periods of a man's life, it usually so happens that he or she will have at least one person in his corner. The person could be a relative, a friend, a wife, a husband, a pastor, a colleague, or even sometimes a total stranger. We always find that one person who can share those dark moments with us.

The problem with those moments is the vulnerability they require always, the moments feel like a resetting and a reordering of reality. You purge all the way until you are empty.

In the purging then lies your weakness. You share the pains, the regrets, your plans, and your moves, you share your deepest and darkest untold emotions they are a must to share in order to gain better perspectives especially if you are looking to heal and change the course of things from where they were to where you know they ought to go.

Rebuilding your reality is not possible without seeing what was broken from the lens of others that way you see what you packed that ought not to have packed for the journey that failed and you see what you need to pack for the journey ahead.

Job went through it and so did David, Jesus couldn't dodge the process. When we go through, we unburden as part of our healing process he found himself in a fight for his life, he was married to his enemy and she was determined to stuff him in a coffin because the marriage was not going the way she wanted. She wanted to lead the marriage right from the beginning he allowed her lead without a fight. Her leadership was not evil, but it was quite limiting she provided leadership within the framework of her mindset, her mindset was average but it was the best she could do.

He coped with it for several years, for the sake of peace he was a genius with great ideas and a great mind, he knew what his mind was capable of before he met her, he had designed a prototype turbine engine that was worth millions of dollars, she however offered him something he had never had and always craved anonymity and true love.

He was always afraid he would lose himself under the spotlight. He was a first-class graduate of the topmost technological institution in their country.

He met her and felt it was a way of preserving his life from the demands of the sharks so he dropped off the grid and went with her to a village in Manchester. She got a job as a teacher, he opened a phone repair shop it was the bargain of a lifetime, he wanted a quiet life of love and peace, he didn't need much to be happy, some food in the belly, a roof over his head and the love of his life. They lived joyfully for two years until she decided she wanted them to be married, he realised at that point that what she wants she must get if his illusion of peace and quiet must stand. Left to him, they had the perfect life and did not need to get married at all. The marriage ruined everything she wanted, babies right after.

Babies require a bigger house; she took a loan. Babies require a bigger car; he bought one on credit. Babies require more money for many things, he couldn't provide and she had maxed out her resources. She began to transfer her frustrations to him. At first, she asked him to get a second job to support his business and he did. Then she told him to drop the two jobs for a nine to five which will double their income. He married her to stay off the grid, If he sends his CV out there, he will no longer be off the grid.

He tried explaining it to her but she couldn't process it. One day she came home with a letter of employment for him, she had helped him apply for a job as a science teacher in a nearby school.
He said he wouldn't do it and she told him it was either that or a divorce. He turned to a friend in church, a married woman who was older than him in age and had been a friend of the family for some years. He told her what he was going through with the hope that the friend would intervene. The friend counselled him to be patient and take up the job.

Marriage is about compromise and being there for each other. He took the job, just for the sake of peace but things had soured a little bit and he had begun to resent the woman he married. He hated how she was all manipulative and vindictive in order to have her way. He hated that what he wanted didn't matter to her. He hated that he had to compromise his stance on issues of personal integrity to please her. She didn't have the sensitivity to see things his way, she kept saying he lacked drive and unless she pushed him he would have remained a laggard who didn't want to do anything with his life. He took the insults and kept his head down, he hoped it would just blow over and they could return to their peaceful life but it was not over, she couldn't get pregnant despite all the things they tried she had upended their quiet and peaceful life for nothing, she began to blame him for not getting her pregnant "You ejaculate too soon" "You should do it slowly and then when I tell you to be fast you make the tempo faster" "No, follow my rhythm and don't cum too late" Their bed became a laboratory, he became the guinea pig and she became Dr. Fauchi.

Eventually, they went to a hospital and they were told she had issues with her fallopian tubes. Somehow it was still his fault, she accused him of being relieved and selfish. When they got home, she began packing his stuff she told him to leave he asked her why, she got angry and threw the pressing iron she was holding in her hand at him.
It struck him right in the face and he fainted.

He woke up hours later in a hospital, he was alone and it gave him hours to think. He decided to call some old contacts and embrace destiny. The next day, his wife came to see him at the hospital she said she was sorry. He said it was over, she asked him where he would go, what he would do, and how he would survive. He told her not to bother, he had figured things out.

The next day he got a job with one of the electric car manufacturing companies in the USA, he packed his bags and moved to the USA. It was time to start all over. The only person he kept in touch with was the family friend, he told her everything that happened and the progress he had made within a few days.

Somehow they grew close and he would talk to her every day sometimes he spoke with her for hours. Throughout that time, he ignored the calls of his ex-wife, he wanted to keep as far away from her as possible.

Six months went by he had more money than he had made for the entire duration of his eight-year marriage. He was living in a mansion but spent most of his day at the workstation executing his engineering ideas and projects.

Suddenly there was a knock on his door, he opened it and there stood his wife. How did she know where he was in the USA? His friend, the lady from church whom he had confided in as he sought to heal from the heartbreak. She had been steadily feeding his wife and the other members of the church he left in Manchester all the information he gave her in his vulnerable moment.

He had hidden nothing from her his disappointment, his pains, his current worth, everything. His wife just stood there, while another person standing beside her served him his court summons, it was the last thing he expected. He got a lawyer, her lawyer and his sat down to negotiate the terms of the settlement. He was poor when he was with her, he got rich after he left her, and her lawyers claimed he deceived her. His lawyer claimed she threw him out after injuring him. She got a fat cheque and the marriage was officially over.

That very night, the first called to check up on him he picked up her call and told her she was not a good friend, she said she was only looking out for him in her way. He said it was fine but don't call me or consider us friends anymore, she said he was not behaving the way a good Christian should he said he had forgiven her but as for that friendship, it was never real and it will never be real.

PS: There are people who pose as your friends but all they are doing is looking for information from you which they will then feed upon with their other friends as entertainment. Having your information to share makes them feel important like they know things about you that others don't or like they belong to your inner caucus and are insiders of sorts. Such people are shallow and without much substance to speak of Cut them off! A true friend respects you enough to keep your confidence, once you find out a friend had the temerity to open you up as a topic and discuss you with other people as if you are a common object know that such is a bad friend, keep such far from your life. It is better to be alone and safe than to have friends that render your defenses porous.
-GSW-