Tantrums 2

Brother Gbenga, I am not a Christian
like that anymore
I used to be
Hot and fervent in the Lord as a result
of the campus fellowship I was influenced
to attend by some of my roommates when
i was in the University
I was filled with the Holy Spirit and i also
saw certain miracles and signs of the power
of God!
Things moved quite quickly for me
I graduated from the University at the age
of twenty and moved to the United Kingdom
for my Master's degree almost immediately
my graduation
That was when I met my wife...
Before I go into that I have to tell you
about my family
My father is a Rosicrucian, a Mason!
My mother is one of those totally submissive
women
My father was rich and accomplished
My mother had no lack and therefore
she does whatever her husband desired
of her
My parents have been together for over
thirty years
They didn't force any of their children
to follow any religion
Indoctrination was a NO-No in my family
We were all free to follow our paths
So I became a Born Again Christian because
I was invited to a fellowship and I got
caught up in the move of the Holy Spirit!
I was young and I have not really experienced
life yet!
These were not excuses
I am just unbundling a lot of things here
I needed to
I am sorry if it seemed as if i am rambling
I assure you that I am just processing
my thoughts as I write
So I met my wife in the United Kingdom
She was twenty years old
She was a beauty
She was my life
I had secured a job by this time and I 
wanted to settle down
We met at the church I was attending
She was a citizen of both the UK and 
Nigeria
She was one of those ladies who had
been properly brought up
That was my attraction to her beyond
the physical
She was young, attractive and fresh
She was a virgin and she said No to
me over and over when I asked her
to have sex with me
It was one of the reasons I married her
The principled life
The authenticity of her faith
She was a real Christian
She was the best!
We got married thirteen years ago
I was twenty-three and she was twenty
We had a very happy home
My wife was the type that had been 
brought up to be industrious and homely
She never allowed us to go to bed 
without resolving our misunderstandings
She cared deeply for me
I know this and I loved her! 
I still love her!
God gave us children almost immediately
after we got married
In the last thirteen years, we have 
been blessed with four children
We had a perfect home
We were a model Christian home
My parents were in Nigeria
My immediate elder brother was also
married
He was in the United States of America
He was a different kind of man
He clubbed and partied a lot with
his wife
He had always been wild and he married
a woman just as wild as he was
They shared all sorts of crazy experiences
It was their style
I was the gentle and cool one
My brother and his wife came to visit us 
in 2017
They spent two weeks
My brother was disappointed in me
He said my life was too boring
My wife had domesticated me using the
tool of the church
I didnt know any club in London
I didn't know any "nightlife" joints
I was just sheepish and foolish
He told me this after the first three days
with us
By the end of one week, he was openly
mocking my wife and acting as if my
wife brainwashed me into being so simple
He said my marriage was too peaceful
I was going through life on the safe lane
I was too docile, too dull
I gritted my tech through it all
I just wanted him and his crazy gang to
finish their holidays and go away
Of course, my brother and his wife
would go out and return home at
2am or 3 am in the morning
Sometimes they made me drive them
I did as they wanted
He was my brother and I didn't want
it to seem as if I had shut out my family
or wasn't accommodating in any way!
After the two weeks holiday, my brother
and his wife returned to the USA
He told my parents what he saw in my
house
Three weeks later, my mother traveled
down to the United Kingdom
She said she was coming to see her 
grandchildren
She came to see for herself what my 
older brother claimed I had become
She met me as I was
She was disappointed too
I was supposed to be the one she was
proud of
The one with a steady job, a model 
family, a good life
My mother said no!
My mother told my wife "Men must cheat,
it is in their nature to have other women
in their lives other than their wives!
My son was born a lion! 
Why have you turned him into a 
pussy cat?
His father had other women in his life
He had other children
It was the natural order
Do you think all these your ideological
feminism nonsense will mentally imprison
my son?
You turned him into a church boy
You brainwashed him and expected him
to be doing your bidding like a puppet!
No! I forbid it! I didn't give birth to
gigollo!
My son is a normal human male specie
He will live his life as he ought to"
I had known my family since I was a child
I knew what they stood for and how weird
their views were
I had kept them far away from my own
family for several years
The wedding I did with my life was with
their blessings from afar
I really wanted to be as far away from them
as possible until that 10th year of my
marriage when they came in swinging!
I was thirty-three years old at the time
My life had settled into a very boring
routine
Family-work-church!
That was the sum of my life
What my people said made a little sense
to me
I needed to get a life
I had a good job and a good family but I
was withering away
I know this might sound as a shock to you
and other people
I was dying of boredom and my life lacked
a purpose
I was just a number on the statistics
I was just a spec of dust on the map
I had made no ruffles and caused no ripples
The meaning I thought I had in my life
was lost
Somehow, the visitation of my brother
and my mother choked the satisfaction
out of my marriage
I began to wander in my thought
That was how i met another lady
A Jamaican beauty who showed up in my
life out of nowhere
She was a hairstylist
She lived about ten minutes away from my
house
I was on my way to the office when
we met
We got talking
She invited me to a Jamaican party
held by some of her friends
I went with her
That night, I cheated on my wife for the
first time
The Jamaican girl knew i was married
She was not bothered by it
She told me to live as i wanted
Free to breathe and free to love
She placed no demand on me for anything
other than my time
She doesn't call me
She leaves a note at her door telling 
me where she was going and how long 
she would be there
She respected my marital boundaries
It was the devil's perfect solution to
my dilemma
My wife didn't notice i was cheating
until it had gone on for one year
Even then, she found out because i had
become so comfortable with the Jamaican
lady that I toyed with the idea of bringing
her out of the shadows
I left clues for my wife to see
My wife saw the clues and protested
She even sent a message to my Jamaican 
babe out of anger
Once the cat was out of the bag
I told my wife what I wanted
I loved her and my family
I loved the Jamaican babe too
I want to keep the two of them
A sort of polygamy of understanding
I wasn't going to marry the Jamaican
lady but I wanted to be able to keep
her as my official mistress!
Of course, you thought I was crazy
but it was how I felt!
My wife took the matter badly
Invited our church pastor into the
issue
I had not been going to church like
I used to for over a year
The Pastor came in and spoke a lot
of words
He asked me if I wanted to end the 
marriage
I said NO!
I wanted to keep my family
I love my family
Why should I have to choose?
My wife invited her parents into the
issue
Her parents appealed and gave a lot
of wise counsel
I heard them
The problem was walking away from
the fun and excitement of my new reality
and going back into the boring, conditioned
reality of the past
Sex with my wife has become more 
exciting again even now
I get to woo her, lie to her, cajole her
and induce her to open her legs to me
It is fun
I really like it
She didn't want to because she was
angry
But I am a lion
I get to do what lions do and wow!
The thrill of the chase makes me 
giddy!
I also started clubbing and drinking
My Jamaican babe was exploring with
me the fjords and waterfalls of life that
I was gullible enough to miss as a 
teenager
Life was no longer boring and sleepy
I am literally awake at the wheel of my
own life right now
Two days ago, my wife said I will have 
to choose between her and the affair
It seemed she kept seeing through
all my lies
She wanted me to join her in prayer with
the family and praying in tongues again
I just don't feel those things again
Then she accused me of keeping secrets
now!
Why won't I?
When i told her the truth, she threw a 
shitstorm!
Accusations are still flying everywhere
but I am at peace
My wife and children still need me because
I am the only one working at the moment
I don't think my wife can afford a divorce
lawyer or even has the will to pull a divorce
stunt!
She is a Christian
One of those who would rather suffer wrong
and do the right thing regardless of what 
others do
I know her
I don't want you to think i don't love my
wife or my family
I do
But why can't i love other people too?
Why is my wife acting as if it is not 
natural for me to be me!
My wife didn't tell any member of my
family what is going on
I guess she felt they would cheer me on
but I told them
My father told me to handle my issues
as a man would
My brother was so proud, he sent me some
money to throw an anniversary party for
my Jamaican babe when we clocked one
I know I sounded selfish and awful
Many people will insult me and all
But I know my wife will read this
She is an ardent follower
Babe, I love you.
All i want is for you to understand
where i was coming from
I love you and want you so badly!
Please understand.

GSW's notes: Words are very powerful
I have seen words at work in people's
lives for good and for evil
I have come to cherish people who we
call "proud" but disregards the opinion
of others because they know they are
fine with who they are
It pays to stand for something
The foundation upon which his
Christian faith was built determined
the extent of this collapse
Can it be rebuilt?
Definately Yes! 

Matthew 7:24-27
Build Your House on the Rock
24 “Everyone then who hears these 
words of mine and does them will be 
like a wise man who built his house 
on the rock. 
25 And the rain fell, and the floods 
came, and the winds blew and beat 
on that house, but it did not fall, 
because it had been founded on the rock. 
26 And everyone who hears these words 
of mine and does not do them will be 
like a foolish man who built his house 
on the sand. 
27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, 
and the winds blew and beat against 
that house, and it fell, and great was 
the fall of it.”