The Foreplay (Back and Forth)

admin May 3, 2020 2709 0

Wife:

I had to go check the meaning
of Marriage before writing
this, because out of confusion
and deep conflict, ours has lost
its meaning to me.
What is Marriage?
The legally or formally recognized\
union of two people as partners
in a personal relationship
(historically and in some jurisdictions
specifically a union between a man
and a woman).
Before a relationship can
happen, there must be
friendship.
What is friendship?
Friendship for most people
is a combination of affection,
loyalty, love, respect, and
trust. ... True friendship is
when someone knows you
better than yourself and takes
a position in your best
interests in a crisis.
Friendship goes beyond
just sharing time together,
and it is long lasting."
I have searched frantically for
the friendship here, and
found none.
I asked where my fault was
and concluded; Jealousy.
At least that's what you
would say.
But jealousy would be a
waste of time on someone
who relentlessly and creatively
tells you you are not needed.
So I am trying not to waste
my energies on that
anymore.
And then I asked myself,
where is your effort?
And I recalled countless
efforts that I have made
that has been rejected
outright.
For good reason, I want to
make specific reference to
an old one; how early in
our marriage, I always
requested that we hold
hands and pray together;
but it was never your thing.
One of my friends called
me to share a testimony
early this week.
I was privy to the matter
God gave her victory on.
We had discussed it before.
When she called two weeks
after, she said she and
her husband took it to the
Lord in fervent prayers.
It's not the testimony that
is my reference here, it's
the fact that;
She and Her Husband Prayed.
And I had witnessed it the
first time I stayed with her
in Abuja.
My! I liked that.
I wish I had that in my
own marriage.
I am the one married to
a Pastor!
What a Contradiction!
Here's just one example of
the Contradiction in my
own marital reality.
I talked about my frustrations
at work just days ago, and
you silence me with
your impatience.
Okay, let's say that's my
own problem, an idea birthed
to support your work is good
or bad, the least you could
have done was listen to it.
You didn't
It was as if something good
cannot come from me to you
or your work
I wonder why!
They say communication of
issues is extremely important
in every Marriage.
But it is absent in My marriage.
Where is my effort?
I recall how I have talked
myself coarse about so
many wrong things but
was mostly ignored and invalidated.
What about Romance?
I recall only too recently
when I wrote you from Dubai;
what was your response?
Classic indifference!
You can check it out yourself.
It should be on your whatsapp page
Oh before that, when our
son was born
I remember writing you
entreaties on WhatsApp, what
was your response; something
to do with the words not
being real.
On affection, My efforts have
been met with rejection
after rejection after rejection.
Until my recent efforts
I have concluded that there
is nothing in your heart for
me, at least not anymore.
I felt nothing flowing from
your end the last time
I hugged you which was
not too long ago.
And sometime before that,
I recall attempting to seat
on your laps in our room,
recall what your reaction
was?
And to think, you would
teach about how wives have
lost their allure.
How Husbands would respond
positively to the right vibes
from their wives and so on...
You who doesn't kiss your
own wife, and can't stand
her sitting on your laps.
What are you teaching?
What do you anchor your
double standard teaching
on women taking responsibility
for the sustenance of romance
in their marriages on?
Do you ever pause to think
and compare your teachings
on marriage with what you
actually do?
Please next time you teach,
tell the truth.
Tell them you don't like kissing,
and your wife is disillusioned
about that.
Tell them you have never
complemented her on her
looks since day one of your marriage,
and she still wonders why.
Tell them you don't share
her burdens, don't have time
to listen to whatever she is
going through, yet you daily
carry the burdens of outsiders
Remember to add the reason,
they pay tithe and she doesn't.
Remember to tell them that
you don't have time for
affection, and to that
She wonders why both of
you ever got married in the
first place.
Remember to tell them that
the only quality time that
means anything to you is
the one you spend with your Ministry.
You look forward to going
on retreats with your members
but you don't care about my
roster at work.
(Yes you told me that
much recently, when I was
asking your opinion on
whether to help someone
out at work)
I am writing you this because
I want you to take responsibility
for whatever happens to
this marriage.
Remember you have told me
to take my problems outside,
more than once now.
Thank you!

Husband

I saw this mail and I was shocked.
First, I thank God for your
job and all the places it has
taken you to every day.
It is a good job.
But we have been married
for 15 years and you have
developed a pattern of
complaining about everything
at that office.
While it is true that the
company had been unfair to
you in their policies and
decision making, it is also
true that the company is
not your source!
God is!
When I was working at XYZ,
I brought home certain
reports once in a while.
I made sure you were
carried along as things
evolved but not one complain
all the time.
I dealt with issues and until
the last day when I walked
out of that office, I was in
control of my own destiny
by the power of the Holy
Spirit.
I was not given a spirit of
"victim" or allowed to hand
over the reins of my destiny
to any organization.
With my own mouth I built
my reality and if anybody
can testify that this
works wonders, it is me.
It is also you!
You have come to see the result and
they were undeniable.
In that I was a good example
But you refuse to emulate me
or live by the word
You chose to live by feelings
Everyday conversation from
you was full of bitterness,
complaints and pain
If was as if you were stuck in
playing victim and looking for
"sorry"
I cannot encourage or support
that
I know your true worth!
2). I am very impatient with
"the same story syndrome"
when I know you can do something
about it and change it.
You can work with any
organization and still hold
the reins of the control of
your own career by "not complaining"
or "playing victim"
but by plotting your exit
strategy and working
towards it by consciously confessing
and planning
towards that.
This was what I told you
several times.
You ignored it.
This was what I tell many
others (it was what worked
for me) and they come
back rejoicing.
So I know you don't want
things to change, all you
want is for the organization
to give you a car and rub
you on the head but even
that I know will not satisfy
you.
You refuse to drink of the
living water and live the
life from above
You chose to be an earthling
and the story has always been
from bad to worse as you
compare yourself with others
and refuse to count your
blessings
And I was always on the
receiving end of your choice
and the consequences of that!
Remember when you craved
a managerial position so
badly that it was always a
"sinking season" when you
didn't get it?
Well, Glory be to God you
have now been promoted three
times in a year.
Three times!
You are in a managerial position
and earning big
Did you notice how fleeting
the satisfaction was?
It was as if they didn't matter
after you got them
Even though you were
celebrated everywhere and
made the news
You were back to your
default of "they prefer
another" soon afterward.
The second thing here is
very simple.
Earthlight is a private company
I am running.
I am not running it like
other people run their
thing
I run it as I desire because it
is my company
I recently opened international
branches because I know
the time was right
I only do things as led by
the Holy Spirit.
When i told you several times
after I started out that all the phone
calls and staying on the phone will
only last for a
while until I finished training
my staff members, you
insulted me all the way.
You dogged me daily dragging
me all over
Insisting I was married to my
company, as if the proceeds
were not of benefit to you
Today the company is well
set up and is running like
a well oiled machine.
I am no longer on the phone
except for critical cases.
But you have destroyed the
opportunity to be supportive
and caring about my future
by your selfishness.
This ought to be the time I
will say "thank you" for
bearing with me for
18 months while I got things
in shape.
But truth be told "you made
the last 18 months hell for
me despite the fact that you
know all I was doing was trying
to get on my feet as I establish
my own business
Your taunts and insults are
still ringing aloud in my ears.
You burnt everything down!
As usual "You are
temperamental" right?
It always blocks you from
seeing tomorrow and
making allowance for it.
That's fine
I am not offended

3) The tithes issue.
The fact it this, your tithe is insignificant
to my ministry in every way.
It is my burger money!
You have never paid it to
the ministry since i started
the church.
I do not demand tithe from
anyone.
When people pay tithe to
the church it is because they
are led by the Holy Spirit and
it is for the upkeep of the
church and the poor people
(You know more than I do that
the tithe is insignificant to what
we spend every month helping
widows and the disadvantaged)
The tithe "talk" came up as a
result of one of your
insensitive jealous raves.
It was not directed at you
directly.
I was trying to reason with
you about the role people
were playing in the ministry
and how they have supported
me.
This is the fact
Where your heart is, there your
treasure will be.
I have never asked or treated
the tithes jokingly.
I have regard for it.
I wrote to other pastors and
friends and asked what I
should do with it.
They counselled me and I
spoke to the Holy Spirit too.
Last month, I used the tithe
to feed the poor in Abakaliki.
You were aware of this
So you are under no compulsion
to pay tithes and especially
not to anybody.
Bringing it up was simply petty
It was coined to make it look
like I was punishing you for
not paying tithe to my ministry
That's not the truth!
I only said "You don't believe
in me and I backed it up by
saying those who did paid
their tithes to the ministry.
They put their money where
their mouth was.
I said that much.
But it was not for the money,
it was for their faith.
You also missed out on
that window of opportunity.
So against this background
you jumped into romance
Was i the unforgiving one
who keeps a record of wrong?
Was I the one whose anger
would lead to malice for
many days?
Was I the one who will
twist words into knives and
stab myself with it over and
over again?
I have eradicated your "he is
on the phone excuse"
I have adjusted to benefit
the marriage
Please when are you going
to adjust by dropping the
jealousy and insecurity?
Those have been here for
15 years plus.
They are the reason I am insensitive in
your sight
I will never cower or bow to them
You can drop them and be
a positive energy or keep
them and be a negative
energy
It is up to you
Finally, I have taken
responsibility for this
marriage lasting this long.
If you are in my shoes we
would have divorced long ago
Do you recall how much I took
it in the gut's when you were earning
so much and I was
earning so little?
Do you remember the early
years when there was so
much talk about my inability
to provide and all from your
family members and even
you
Did I die or hold it over your
head?
I have been successful now
for 40% of our marriage
I have denied you nothing
Spent selflessly on the family,
you and all those who came
asking you for help which you
sent my way because like you
usually, say I am the one with
a "bleeding heart"
I didn't suddenly start
carrying babes and acting
up
I didn't keep the money to
myself out of spite
And yet you couldn't sit,
relax and enjoy it!
You had to fabricate sadness
and sorrow
I believe you should do better!
On the issue of your idea for
my company, I was angry!
I don't want you doing
anything for Earthlight
I dont want you getting into
Earthlight's business and staff
issues
If you want to run a company
please start your own
The first company i started,
you killed it by harassing all
the female staff members
and accusing customers of
coming to sleep with me
I don't do my things that way
I will not start by the spirit
and proceed by the flesh
I lead as I am led
Please don't make dreams or
build dreams or plans around
my company
Keep far far away from its operations
It is my source of livelihood
and it has been very successful
without you
Don't come and kill it with your
unstable temper
You have a glorious career and access to
funds from me and other loved ones
Dream big and I promise to support you
to the maximum
Ownership is your next move,
so let's own.
I love you

Wife

As usual, you would rather
choose what you believe
to be my fault.
"You are supposed to be
saying thank you to me
for standing by you in the
last 18 months for always
being on the phone. I hate
to say it but How did you
start with the phone calls?
How have you treated me
in the last 18months?
Have you forgotten so soon
how you treated me during
my Pregnancy?
Did you ever apologize for it?
What should I say thank
you for?
For the Insensitivity?
Or the derogatory words
or the insult on my Mum?
Ok, I bring the same story
all the time, fine.
Which one of the versions
did you ever take the time
to listen to?
Have you ever been my
companion in this marriage?
If it is not about paying my
tithe to you, pray tell me,
what must I do to deserve
the companionship and
loving prayer time of the
man who married me?
Please I want to know, so I
will know if I am the one
lacking in this area.
Amen to your mention of the
promotions
Is it it not curious that my
employers still eased me
out of it's preferred list and publicity plan.
And what is wrong is
lovingly providing the counsel
that you provided in your
reply?
Wait, I know the reply to
that one.
You are deliberately
withholding your love from
your Wife because if you
showed her love, She would
use it as a weapon.
(Please remember to teach
this one too)
That was what you said
the last time. Right?
So where does this love go?
Where has it been going
since we got married?
I shouldn't do anything for
the company.
It is not the way you run
your company.
But I did commercials for
the company out of my own
pocket when you started out.
Thank you for stating what
is truly in your heart.
And thank you for yet
another rejection!
Congratulations on your new branches.
As usual, I am the last to
know. Always remember!
Don't claim to love me sir.
One day, I will know where
your heart lies.
A woman can recognize love
from a distance.