(Judges chapters 13-16)
The President summoned the
Chief of Staff as he dropped the phone.
“Call up all the Ministers and security chiefs
for a very crucial Federal Executive Council
Meeting NOW!” The Chief of Staff was surprised.
A FEC Meeting? At 12 midnight?
He wondered what was going on, but from
the President’s body language, it seemed it
was good news. An hour later, they were
all present in the Council Chamber.
The President cleared his throat and chose
his words. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I called
you all here for some good news:
the Terrorist was captured alive about
2 hours ago…”
There was a loud shout in the Council Chamber,
the ministers shook hands and gave each
other high fives. There was a buzz of
excitement in the air…
The President gave them some minutes
to enjoy the euphoria.
He then gave them the details how the
Terrorist was captured.
“Our Special Agent 009, Delilah was
very key to his capture. We got intelligence
report that he loved a certain type of ladies
and Delilah fitted the bill.
So we set him up with her and the rest is history.
He found Delilah irresistible.
I know many of you men in this chamber
find her irresistible too!” the President
paused as the men all laughed.
Indeed, Delilah reminded most of them
of Kim Kardashian. The President continued,
“Kudos must be given to our security chiefs
for this feat. Now, I want us to look at ways
to maximize this feat to our advantage,
knowing that National Elections are
coming up in 6 months.
This man has terrorized our people and
our country for so long.
We will definitely execute him, but I want us
to look at ways of getting maximum
political capital out of this.
“Your Excellency, you should make a
National Broadcast tomorrow morning to
inform the people.
That will shoot up your rating by about 10%”,
the Attorney General submitted.
“Yeah, that will indeed shoot up your
rating sir”, added the Minister for
Culture and Tourism.
“But I think we can get more from this.
Let us plan a National Carnival Week.
We sell tickets for our people to come for
the carnival where the major item is
simply sighting the Terrorist.
We take him round our major cities, Gath,
Gaza, Ekron, Ashkelon and Ashdod.
We know so many stories have been heard
about this man, how he killed a thousand
of our soldiers with a donkey’s jawbone…”
“True! Who will forget how he uprooted
our National Gate and carried it high up
the mountain on his shoulders?”
They went on and on about the exploits of
the Terrorist and made plans to use his
capture to their advantage in the coming
Next morning, the President made an
announcement on the Philistine Television
Authority. All the Philistines rejoiced at
the news. They all looked forward to
sighting this man who had caused them
so much damage and ridicule…
On the first day of the carnival week, all
the inhabitants of Gaza were excited.
The Terrorist was in their city!
They were actually going to sight the man.
Stories had been flying around the
country that he was a giant.
Some said he had 4 arms.
So much mystery had been built around
him that everybody wanted to see him
live. The hall in which the Terrorist was
to be shown to the public could
accommodate two hundred thousand
Those struggling to buy tickets
for the show were half a million.
The government took advantage of this
by increasing the price of the tickets.
The Minister of Finance was happy
they were raking in so much money
as Internally Generated Revenue.
He was sure the President would retain
him as the Minister when he wins the
election in 6 months’ time…
That evening, the hall was filled to the brim.
More than three hundred thousand
people were in the hall.
Many paid double the ticket price just
to see the Terrorist.
They were all uncomfortable with the heat
as the air conditioners could not cope
with the number of people but who cared?
They were too excited, singing the
Philistine National Anthem and all such
songs of patriotism.
The Public Enemy Number One will soon
come in and they were all ready to
ridicule and jeer him.
As he was being led into the hall,
the Terrorist was being taunted by
“I think he should not be led in by one of us.
That would be too dignifying for him.
Let’s get a young boy to do that- his
humiliation would be more!”
The other soldiers agreed.
A few minutes later, the Terrorist was
led into the hall by a young twelve year old boy.
As he came into view, there was a loud
shout from the spectators.
The President smiled wryly.
He sensed his victory at the forthcoming polls.
He turned to the Vice President
and gave him a thumbs up, “We did it!”
The entire cabinet was present, all the
security chiefs. Nobody wanted to miss
this great day in the entire country.
The Terrorist turned to the boy leading him,
“please could you lead me to the pillars
supporting this hall? I just want to lean
on it to rest- I’ve been standing on my
feet for several hours now”…
The boy thought about it and wanted
to refuse, but the thought of this man
collapsing and denying the people the
pleasure of seeing him in such a sorry
state changed his mind.
He led him to the pillars and watched
him resting and catching his breath.
The din in the hall was deafening.
They were all seriously enjoying this.
The Terrorist lifted up his head and
prayed, “O Lord God, remember me and
strengthen me just this once more…”
He stood in the center of the hall in
the middle of the two pillars, one to
his left and the other to his right.
He lifted up his voice and shouted,
“Let me die with the Philistines!”
And he pushed.
And the pillars gave way and the
building came down.
The Terrorist died, taking three hundred
thousand lives with his.
The National Carnival became a National
Tragedy- people spent their hard earned
money to buy their own death tickets.
What an irony.
- Haruna Daniels