The Three Musketeers
I sat for a while praying in the Holy Spirit while thinking of the best way to write this
This is because I had several cases relating to marriage in the last week and it was indeed a case of different strokes for different folks
A family where a man beats his wife, beats the children mercilessly if they do anything their mother tells them to do without his permission and yet he does not work or provide for the family
The wife had been taking care of all the bills since the beginning of the marriage
This man’s relatives are all like him
The men neither work nor provide for their families
They have children who are out of school for as long as three years in cases where their wife/wives did not pay the school feesf of the children (The man’s older brother’s wife divorced him for the same reason)
The one after that is separated from his wife for the same reason
So this woman couldn’t even report her husband to any of them or seek help from any of them
She said she left the marriage once and he forcefully took the children from her and she allowed him
A week went by and he called her
He couldn’t cope with feeding the children
He met with her and gave her the children
He was then ejected from their flat because he couldn’t pay rent
He called her and begged her when he was thrown on the street
Then she took him back
This was two years ago and now she found herself in the same situation again
She wouldn’t even dare take the children to any family event
For fear of how their father would beat them up if they dared follow her
I asked her what her plan was
She said their rent would expire in January
And she would leave the house and be sleeping in the office
She would pay the rent and children’s school fees so that he and the children could be in the house
While she would be sleeping in the office
I asked her why she thought this was the best solution
She said she wouldn’t buy food or give him money to provide food for the children
She wanted him to be under pressure to provide food for the children so that when the children were hungry and crying for food, he could learn how to be responsible
I usually would be measured in my words but I told her she was not thinking right
Her solution seemed weird in my opinion
Punish the children to make a point in training a 45-year-old man how to be responsible?
Perhaps I was a bit harsh in my assessment of her thinking process
If I was, I am sorry
I know marriage and all the bags of sentiment that goes with it
The other case is of a man whose wife is also the breadwinner
But in this case, it is the guy who is lamenting
The man came to me and said he wanted me to meet with his wife and have a word with her
I asked why
He said every time he finds a good job his wife would sabotage the opportunity to keep him jobless
I asked why
He said his wife is not domesticated
She is a career woman earning good money and she felt since she was making so much, he should be the house husband keeping the home and the children
He said every time he complained, she would call him an ingrate
Ask him if she was not providing everything he and the children needed and why he felt getting a job would help since the children were still young and needed attention
They have three children
The oldest is ten and the youngest is six
She told him to hold on until the six-year-old got into secondary school (Boarding school for the three children)
And then he could get a job
He says by then he would be 49 years old and wouldn’t stand a chance in the labour market
The third case is that of a lady whose husband has a job
She is also working
She earns a little and so does her husband
Their combined income is not enough to pay the school fees of one child and yet they have four children
They have other bills to pay ranging from rent to feeding the children
The husband has other bills to settle outside of the nuclear home which include the training of his younger ones and the welfare of his mother
He collects his money and pays these other bills first every month
His wife then helps with the bills for their nuclear family
The money doesn’t even last a week before they go hungry
He then sits on his hands and watches or prays for manna to fall from heaven or maybe through his wife’s legs
This usually leads to a fight
The wife would then nag him for not providing for the family
He would then claim the wife wanted him to neglect his mother and his younger ones
The wife would then tell him to get a better job that would enable him to care for both his nuclear and extended family
He would then blame Tinubu for the lack of a good job in Nigeria
The wife will then say, “You have been doing this since the days of Obasanjo when I started dating you and you will never change even if Jesus becomes the president of Nigeria”
He would then say, "You saw me like this when you chose to marry me”
The wife would then say, “I didn’t choose to marry you, you went to lobby my older sister who took you to my parents and then somehow they convinced me to marry you”
He would then say "Is that why you are sleeping around? Ashewo”
The wife would then say “Don’t talk to me like that in front of my children”
He will then say, “You are ashamed to tell your children the truth right? You know it is a shameful thing and yet you do it”
The wife will then start crying and then she will say “sob…sob…sob…I didn’t sleep around, the rent was due and they had thrown our things out, you begged me to consider you and the children and go beg your boss for a loan because he took a liking to me when I came to visit you in the office.
I went knowing what would most likely happen
The man gave me the money for the rent and you happily took the money and paid the rent so that we can have a roof over our head and now you call me ashewo in front of my children…sob, sob…sob”
He would then say “And you did it again, or are you claiming it was only that one time?”
And then the wife would say, “Sob, ahhhh, you this man, I did it again when the children’s school fees were due and again when you were dying and I needed to pay for your surgery, please fear God and stop doing this, please, sob…sob…sob…”
Then he would say “You did what you had always wanted to do, I didn’t force you to do anything, we wouldn’t have died in the street when we were thrown out of our former flat, and the children wouldn’t have died if they stayed out of school, maybe God would have even sent help in another way if you didn’t go opening your legs to that man every time we had a financial challenge”
She would then say “Haaaaa, wicked man, God will judge you”
He would then land her a slap, Twaiiiiiiiihhhhhhh!
She would then grab his shirt
He would then land her a headbutt Gbaaaaaaaaas!
She would then scratch his neck with her nails
He would then carry her up, show her to God and slam her on the ground like Undertaker Gbooaaaaaaaa!!!
The commentator will say “That’s a suplex and a close line plus a drop kick, ahhhhhhhhhhhh, ooohhhhhhhh”
She would then hold her head and begin to cry
The children will be in a corner watching the whole thing and crying
The oldest of them will say “Mummy, mummy, mummy, ah, ah, Daddy, Daddy, ah Jesus, ah, sob, sob, sob!”
He would then dress up and go out
With her nose bloodied and brain ringing, she will then call Brother Gbenga, like SuperTed
“Brother Gbenga, there is a problem in Kigali and Soweto”
I will now say my secret magic word and fly “Ghen Ghen Ghen” to the scene of the crime
I will now ask her what she wants to do
She will now say “I want to leave this marriage but this man loves his children and his children are close to him
Even though he does not provide for them or pay their fees, he is an emotional man and he gives the children emotional support which I am afraid they will miss if I leave this marriage.
My father is an Elder in the church and he will not allow me to get a divorce
I know my husband will never change, this is my cross
I will now ask, “What if he kills you one day, you can only take as many suplexes, close lines, body slams, and dropkicks with your small body, what if you die?”
She will now say “I will not die but live to declare the glory of God in the land of the living”
I will now say, “Amen” and pay for her hospital bills and give her money to feed her children and then fly back to my secret magic manger in Bethlehem to report the case to Jesus
In the three cases above, the ones I really cry for are the children
In the first family, the children will grow up to either see women as weaklings who should slave their lives away while the man bullies them or they become aggressive in their approach to solving issues in a relationship so that no man can do what their mother suffered through to them
In the second family, the children will most likely grow up resenting their father for being a weakling and their mother for being unavailable because of her career
The children will grow up with a skewed mindset about responsibility and the role they were meant to play in the family
In the third family, the children will grow up trying not to end up like their parents and they would then most likely end up just like them or choose to remain single and happy
Keeping a family together does not mean the children being produced are not damaged goods
Many families produce all sorts of broken and damaged children simply because the man and the woman stayed together when they ought to have gone their separate ways
The theory that only families that stay together produce children that will be faithful in marriage and productive to society is just a theory
If the family unit is not together the right way and instilling the right values, they become breeding grounds for relationship/marriage suicide bombers!
PS: On red flags, do you know all the people above saw red flags and yet they went ahead and married the person anyway
The first one said “I told him when we were dating that I knew he would be beating me after we got married based on how he acted towards me at the time and I still went on with the marriage. The other guy who wanted to marry me at the time had a poultry at the time but had not gained admission into the university. This was why I didn’t marry him. Now he is very successful, he even gives me eggs from his poultry to distribute as a side hustle
The second person said, ”When I went to visit my wife’s parents for the first time I saw the way her mother was treating her father. He was jobless and she was the one feeding him and ordering him around. I should have run but I didn’t!
The third person said, ”Brother Gbenga, I never liked him nor desired to marry him but my family put me under pressure and we got married and they are still the ones putting me under pressure to stay with him despite not lifting a finger to help me either financially or emotionally!”
What shall we say to these things? If God be for us, who can stand against us?
It is well.
-GSW-
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