Unequal Fingers

Dear Brother Gbenga, some of the things men accept from women with a smile as flattery, if a man does the same to a woman, she would most likely send him to jail.

Imagine that two weeks before my wedding, with the wedding invitation printed and the engagement already done, I went to my husband's office to see him.

When I got there, he met me at the reception. I told him I had bought some things, and I wanted him to see them before I sent out payments.

He said I should give him a minute because he would like to use the restroom.

There was a restroom at the reception, my man dashed into the restroom as I took a phone call. While I was on the call, I saw through my peripheral vision that the door to the restroom opened, and a lady jumped in.

I waited for thirty minutes, but I didn't see my fiancée emerge from the restroom. I got curious and I opened the door to see what was going on.

The washroom had an obvious male and female section. I went to the female section, and I didn't see anyone there.

I was sure a lady dashed in while I was on the call at the reception. This assurance emboldened me to check out the male section.

When I got there, I heard voices from one of the cubicles. The lady was in the same cubicle as my fiancé.

My fiancé was begging her to let him go; he even stated that I was waiting for him at the reception.

The lady said, "Stop being a prude. I know you are getting married, and I am not here to stop your marriage. I just want you to taste a real woman before you get married.

Look at me, touch me, feel what a real woman is like."

My fiancé just chuckled and said, "Please, this is not appropriate. You know it, and I know it. Can I leave now, please?"

His composure, politeness, gentlemanliness, and graciousness irritated me. I stormed to the door of the toilet cubicle and banged it with all my strength.

I called the name of my man once and walked back to the reception. Sure enough, he emerged a few seconds later.

I didn't say a word, even though I was fuming. I knew that woman was the devil, and if I overreacted, I might lose my relationship, and the wedding might also be cancelled.

I didn't say a word, even though I was fuming. day to beg me to add patience to my patience as we moved towards the finish line in our wedding plans.

When we got to my car, my fiancé said, "It is not what you think, please, I didn't have anything to do with her".

His eyes were red, and he was flushed with embarrassment. He assumed I believed he was having sex with the lady.

I let him stew for a while before telling him I heard their conversation and knew he was not sleeping with her.

Then I asked him what he thought would have happened if he were the one who stepped into the cubicle with a lady, the way the lady did with him.

He said he would most likely be arrested and thrown in jail.

I then asked him why he didn't report harassment and had the lady thrown in jail.

He said, "So that I can be a laughingstock in the office? What man embarrasses or reports a lady who freely offers her body to him? The boys in the office will start calling me "Esin Inu Iwe" or "Okobo" (Both roughly mean "impotent")

It was quite funny to me at the time. The disparity between society's disposition towards inappropriate sexual behaviour between the genders.

A lady could rub herself against a man and give him a full view of her feminine features just to get him aroused and drooling for fun

It makes her feel very powerful, and it keeps him under her spell for however long he allows her to live rent-free in his head

If a man dares to do the same, the lady most certainly will cry foul, and the man would be labelled a sex offender after serving his jail term.

I got married to my husband, and we had three boys.

The story I just shared with you is a common story I tell often to several friends, right from after we got married.

I don't tell the story to embarrass my husband; I tell the story as a testimony of how God helped me to keep my cool and not misbehave just a few days before my wedding.

My children know the story. They would have heard it over and over a hundred times. My son recently met a lady. A Nigerian lady who is based in Canada.

They started talking online, and when she was done with her master’s degree, she came home to meet with him, and he introduced her to us

My son is twenty-seven years old and he works in a bank.

His Canadian fiancée went to see him at the office yesterday, and she came back crying

I was in the kitchen when she came in, and the howling was out of this world.

What happened?

She got to my son's office, and my son insisted on introducing her to his boss, as the wedding was just a few weeks away

They got to his boss's office, and the man was not on his seat, so he took her to the reception to wait

He went into the restroom, and a few minutes later, a female colleague also stepped into the restroom

My son's fiancée has heard this story from me, and this then made her step into the restroom to be sure he was safe.

She said she met him pleading with the lady not to ruin his life and let him go, while the lady was pressing herself against him and laughing mischievously and telling him to stop being a small boy.

My son's fiancée is a highly emotional young woman. She didn't react the way I reacted several years ago. She made a shouting match of it, and it almost became a fisticuff.

My son, however, felt embarrassed by her action and refused to talk to her afterwards, claiming he had it under control.

This was the reason the young lady felt so distressed and came home crying profusely.

I tried not to meddle. I only comforted the young lady and told her she should have kept her emotions in check rather than blow up the way she did.

I, however, couldn't resist asking my son why he didn't report the lady.

He just looked at me as if I was not saying anything worth considering, laughed, and went off to his room.

I just thought to share, sir.

PS: Most men don't bother to report sexual harassment or feminine sexual aggression towards them.

I know a young man who was sexually assaulted by a deaconess in her home some years ago. He said he was searching for a job, she was the HR manager of a firm, and someone in church told him to approach her.

He did, and she told him to bring his CV to her house. That same day, he went to her house.

She invited him in, told him to drop the CV on the table, locked the door, and kissed him. That was how they started having sex.

He didn't consider what happened to him as rape. He kept going back to her every Sunday, just to sleep with her.

When he eventually got a job and stopped having her time, she went to report to the church office that he had attempted to rape her.

Just to get back at him for "dumping" her.

The pastor decided to take up the case with the police. This was when the young man reached out to me on X to ask for my help.

The case was eventually dismissed, but it almost ruined the young man's life.

Like I read in a book some years ago, Men will be men and women will be women.

-GSW-