Setting A Guard

I have a friend who shared with me a challenge he had with his wife

He said his wife is a well-accomplished woman who should be well respected and honoured both for her academic accomplishments and her business accomplishments

He said this; however, this is not the case

His wife was often ridiculed, embarrassed, and shamed out of any public space or groups where she found herself.

He said he was suspecting it was a spiritual issue, and he was tired of dealing with it.

I asked him to give me an example of what he meant.

He said the pastor of his church had invited him and his wife to his office the previous day and told him that it had been decided by the church that he and his wife should leave the church

He said he was shocked by the words of the pastor, and he asked the pastor why the church made this decision.

He said the pastor told him to ask his wife.

He said he turned to his wife and asked her what the pastor was talking about

He said his wife just stared at the floor

The pastor later told him that his wife had been spreading all sorts of stories about some members of the church to other members of the church without provocation

Where there is no truth, she concocted white lies, and where there is truth, she twists it to fit her narrative, and most times, the things she told people were not hers to share.

Her husband said this was not new to him. They had been dealing with it for years, and it had led them to change churches and houses four times.

It even affected his wife in her office, as she had been sacked twice for sowing seeds of discord among colleagues

He said the last time they had a serious fight, and he laid down rules for her

He told her he does not want her to have any friends, he must not see anyone coming to visit them at home from her office, or church, or any social group where they both belong, and he does not want to hear her say anything to anyone or about anyone going forward

He said he gave her these terms because he was a quiet man who could not imagine himself being dragged into such issues over and over again.

He said he has also warned her that the next time such an incident happens, he will divorce her

A good name for him is better than the unsolicited embarrassment he kept dealing with because of her.

He said she complied with his rules.

She stopped bringing people to their house, stopped socializing outside their circle, and began attending random fellowships online and offline by herself.

He acknowledged that she needed to talk to people and not turn into a hermit

He just does not want to be a victim of whatever pot of misery he knew she would cook sooner or later.

He said he joined another church and began to grow in fellowship

Naturally, the pastor of this new church would ask for his wife, and he would deflect because he didn't want to bring her to the same church due to her antecedents

He said he kept this going for two years until one Sunday when the pastor's wife introduced a lady to him.

The pastor's wife had assumed he was single and was trying to matchmake him

He said this was why he asked his wife to join him in the same church from that day

His wife joined the church joyfully, believing that he had forgiven her and was integrating her back into his life as a husband should.

He said he warned her that he does not want a repeat of their previous experiences, and she promised him she would keep to herself, make no friends, and mind her business.

He said he believed her because the stakes were high, and he made her aware of it

When the church saw that he was married and had been married for over ten years, they asked him to serve as the head of the Men's fellowship

He said he accepted the role because he knew he could make an impact by helping the men become better and more effective in society.

He said he was shocked when the pastor invited him to his office one sunday and told him that there was an issue among the women of the church which was of grave concern.

The pastor's wife had been leading the Women's fellowship, and his wife had been deliberately maligning and slandering the pastor's wife in a bid to turn the women against her so that she could become the leader of the Women's fellowship.

She believed that if her husband was leading the men, it was only appropriate for her to lead the women.

Witnesses were produced, and they testified that his wife had accused the pastor's wife of all sorts of evil deeds, ranging from adultery to theft and even embezzlement.

He said he cried bitterly that day

He couldn't defend his wife because he knew it was true.

He just didn't know why God gave him such a cross to carry

He said he apologised to the pastor and his wife and left the meeting in shame

He said his wife, unlike previous times, tried to blame everyone instead of accepting that she was wrong

She did this because they had a previous agreement that if she repeated the same cycle, he would file for divorce.

He said his wife said the church was evil, the pastor was evil, and the pastor's wife was a witch

He said he asked her why she wanted to be the leader of the women's fellowship when the pastor was fake and the pastor's wife was a witch

He said it caused a huge rift between them

He said he naturally would forgive and move on from the issue, but he couldn't bring himself to see her with love or be intimate with her after that issue

He was on the verge of making some serious decisions and wanted to know if it was a spiritual issue that could be cured by prayer and fasting

He said outside of spiritual intervention, he saw no other solution and he does not believe he would continue with the marriage

I told him about a scripture my mother shared with me when I was in the university

At the time, my mum believed erroneously (and this is the truth) that I talk too much

So one day she sent me a bible and wrote a note in it that I should pay attention to this scripture and pray the words as a prayer daily

Psalm 141:3 Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips.

I asked him to share the same scripture with his wife and ask her to pray that scripture daily

PS: It is very possible he didn't share the scripture with his wife, or that his wife did not take the instruction seriously.

(I am not giving an excuse, but I can testify that when applied properly, that scripture works like a charm)

His wife pulled another scandal in their new church, this time it led to a bitter fight after a Sunday service, as the other woman whom his wife was maligning this time didn't take it to the pastor

The woman confronted his wife, and it turned into a dirty fight.

Two weeks later, the man resigned from his job, took his passport (he is a dual citizen), and left Nigeria for America.

He left everything behind, including and most especially his wife.

Every attempt to intervene or reason with him has met with stiff resistance since then.