Why Marry When You Don't Have To?

It is unfair to put yourself in the marriage market when you know you are not equipped to be a wife or a husband. If you cannot make a home, why are you insisting on being a part of one? Remain single, live free, refuse the pressure and burden of cooking, cleaning and other domestic chores Order food when you are hungry, pile up your laundry for as long as you want, leave plates in the sink until the whole kitchen is maggot-infested, don't bathe for weeks, stay on your phone all day and all night; it is your right to do this, which you will willingly relinquish if you mistakenly get married.

Marriage comes with expectations. That I do and you do thing you said in church also translate to I do this and you do that at home. Marriage is responsibility. Marriage is work. Marriage is sleeping late and waking up early. Marriage is listening to your partner and adjusting as necessary in order to keep the love and respect alive in your home. Marriage robs you of the freedom to do as you like, to go wherever you like and act however you like.

You don't have to get married. As a woman, in these modern times, you don't have to get married to have security, children, a good job, a career, a good life and fulfilment. You really don't. There is no time in history when women have had the freedom to live independently of men like this generation. If you are not cut out for marriage, please take advantage of this freedom and be free.

You are not missing out on anything.

If you choose to get married, know that you are willingly saying yes to putting others first, starting with your partner and the children. Keeping a clean house. Keeping a clean kitchen. Keeping a clean bathroom and toilet. Going to the market. Cooking several times a day, sometimes. Coping with nagging, tantrums, tears and frustration. Being told what to do. Being told what not to do. Sometimes enduring being misunderstood and having loads and loads of patience. Why get married when you can remain single and avoid drama?

Everyone wants someone who loves them for who they are. They want a partner who accepts their flaws, understands their past, supports their dreams, and stands by them when life gets difficult. They want to feel safe enough to be themselves without worrying that one mistake will make someone walk away. Beautiful. Absolutely wonderful. But have you ever noticed how quickly people lose their enthusiasm for unconditional love when the person loving them starts being honest about what they actually need to work on? Suddenly, acceptance has conditions. Understanding has limits. And the person who supposedly loves them unconditionally is expected to perform the delicate emotional gymnastics required to tell them the truth without making them feel bad about themselves.

You can love me, support me, and accept me for who I am. Just don’t point out anything about who I am that I might need to change. Apparently, honesty is welcome as long as it arrives disguised as a compliment.

Tell someone they’re kind, attractive, intelligent, or talented, and they’ll happily accept your assessment. Tell them they’re selfish, unreliable, defensive, or emotionally immature, and suddenly you’re being negative. You don’t appreciate them. You’re trying to change them. You never focus on their good qualities.

Of course, nobody enjoys hearing criticism. There’s a difference between being honest and being cruel, and not every opinion needs to be delivered with the subtlety of a brick through a window. But there’s also a difference between someone attacking your character and someone pointing out behavior that’s damaging your relationship.

Unfortunately, that distinction becomes rather inconvenient when you’re determined to believe that every uncomfortable observation is an act of disrespect. Some people want a partner who communicates openly but becomes defensive the moment the conversation turns toward them. They want emotional vulnerability but only when it involves feelings they can comfortably validate. They want someone who can admit mistakes, provided those mistakes belong to the other person. It’s a wonderful system. Everyone gets to grow except you. And the irony is that these same people often complain about partners who aren’t emotionally available. They want someone who opens up, communicates honestly, and shares their concerns. But when a partner finally says, “There’s something about our relationship that isn’t working for me,” they respond as though they’ve been served divorce papers in the middle of dinner.

Now the conversation isn’t about the problem anymore. It’s about the fact that you brought it up, the tone you used, the timing you chose, and the possibility that you might have hurt their feelings. By the end of the discussion, the original issue has disappeared, and somehow you’re apologizing for mentioning it. Congratulations. You entered the conversation hoping to solve a problem and left with three new ones.

This is one reason relationships can become exhausting. One person tries to address an issue, while the other treats any suggestion of personal responsibility as evidence that they’re not loved or appreciated. Instead of examining the behavior, they question the relationship itself.

“If you really loved me, you’d accept me.” Maybe. But, accepting you doesn’t mean pretending every decision you make is reasonable. It doesn’t mean tolerating the same destructive habits forever. And it certainly doesn’t mean that someone must remain silent whenever your behavior affects them.

Love isn’t supposed to require dishonesty.

A partner can love you and still dislike something you do. They can appreciate your strengths while acknowledging your weaknesses. They can believe you’re a good person while telling you that you handled a particular situation badly. In fact, someone who cares enough to have difficult conversations may be offering you something more valuable than endless reassurance. They’re giving you an opportunity to understand how your actions affect another person.

That doesn’t mean they’re always right. Partners can be unfair, controlling, or unnecessarily critical. Honest feedback should be open to discussion, too. Nobody should have to accept every accusation simply because it comes from someone who claims to love them. But if every criticism becomes an argument about how unappreciated you feel, eventually your partner learns that honesty isn’t worth the trouble.

They stop bringing things up. They stop explaining what bothers them. They begin choosing silence over another exhausting argument. And then you wonder why the relationship feels distant.

Perhaps the problem isn’t that your partner stopped caring. Perhaps they learned that telling you the truth costs more than keeping it to themselves. Everyone wants to be loved for who they are. That’s understandable. But a healthy relationship also requires the willingness to examine who you are, how you behave, and what you might need to change.

You don’t have to be perfect to deserve love.

You do, however, have to accept that being loved doesn’t make you immune to criticism. Because if you want someone who accepts all of you but refuses to let you hear anything uncomfortable about yourself, you’re not asking for unconditional love. You’re asking for unconditional approval. And those are two very different things.