Work Spouse Issues? Read this.

Good morning sir. Thank you once again for making yourself available.

I've been married for six years now, and it's been peaceful. My husband is a believer, someone who loves God and really wants to do His will. He's an excellent father. But when it comes to marriage, he is also trying, yeah. But there are some things that I have noticed that, you know, I talk to him about.

I expect some changes here and there when it comes to romance, when it comes to, you know, loving your wife, not just by being present, but sometimes you buy gifts for her, you tell her how much you love her, physical touch, you know, things like that. It sort of became as if the physical touch only happens when he wants to have sex and, you know, all of that.

So, these are things I've been complaining about. The emotional availability.

Most times when he comes back from work after I'm spending time with the children, he goes to the office room and he starts working all over again, you know. And sometimes I'm like, there was a time I was complaining recently that I don't feel like you're seeing me or you're looking at me enough. And I go to work, and I come back as well.

I try to talk with him, oh, this is what happened during my day. And his responses may just be like, okay, or it's well, you know, when you expect a certain level of conversation.

So, I've been praying like that. I recently started praying some prayers that God should expose things that I need to know, and I need to see.

So, my husband is also someone who counsels people. And I've realized the pattern that sometimes, whenever he counsels these people, especially women, the way he talks to them, he takes it so personally. And, you know, they begin to fall for him, have feelings for him. And he doesn't draw the boundaries. He doesn't draw the line. And he just keeps entertaining the rubbish.

Last Wednesday, my husband had to drop me off at the office because my car had a problem. In fact, to be fair, since last year, Ihave been looking for an opportunity to take my husband's phone and go through. I was with my power bank and my phone. S

So, I dropped my phone and powerbank in the door pocket at the side of the car, while my husband dropped his phones in that middle space, where the gear is. When I was to alight, I mistakenly took my husband’s three phones. Neither of us knew what had happened when he drove off.

There was no way I could reach out to him. And I just felt that was the opportunity I needed.

I looked through the phone, and I started seeing messages between him and a colleague that really broke me, Sir.

My husband is somebody who doesn't even eat out or eat what people bring. And I saw in his messages that this female colleague brings food for him.

They have this very strong emotional connection. In fact, it's a lot that when you look at those chats, you honestly think it's he and his wife having that conversation.

So, I was wondering, I was like, oh, so this is where all the emotional energy I've been begging for. This is where it's going to.

I spoke to him about it. And he was like, I like to assume things. That is the problem I have with him.

Whenever you see something, and you're talking about it, he gets defensive. He gaslights you. He turns it around. He starts speaking Christianese. Oh, I know, I know my relationship with God. I know the level I am with God. You know, things like that.

As if his focus is on God, and he cannot be tempted. You know, things like that. And it really upsets me. And I tell him, 'You're speaking Christianese.' You are acting like you can't be tempted. But this is it. Look at it here. Both of you have that strong emotional connection.

And then, while we're having the conversation, I told him, I said, this issue with you and your colleague, it hurts me so deeply. And, it's not, it's not something that will just go away, and all of that. I'm here begging you for emotional presence. You're giving it out to somebody else. And my husband goes, you don't deserve any apology. I don't owe you any apology. He said I was just bickering.

Gosh. I'm like, I was shocked to hear that from him. His words just broke me more. And, I felt that I just needed space to leave the house. Go, just reset. Calm down. Think. Pray. Find out what

So, I just, my friend Deborah and I were talking last night. And, I told her that I really need spiritual guidance. Because this is more spiritual than it is physical.

So, now, if I'm going to go spiritual, in terms of prayer and anything I need to do, I need guidance. I need to pray the right prayers. I need to read the right scriptures. And that's why, sir, she told me she would give me your number. And that's why I'm reaching out to you, sir, to please help me. I believe that good marriages exist. But, this is not, as this is just a lot for me.

Thank you so much. I'm so sorry that it's very long. Thank you very much.

PS: The solution to a husband or wife having a strong bond or emotional attachment with a colleague while depriving their spouse of such is a natural consequence of a troubled marriage in which the husband or the wife does not feel like he or she has a safe haven or a safe space in his or her marriage.

Usually, the partner seeking this emotional bonding outside of marriage is not looking to cheat physically, but he or she has found the husband or wife unable to offer emotional support or comfort to them when they were vulnerable.

The partners of such people are usually very insecure and find it easier to weaponize and exploit their partners' weaknesses by judging their partners or turning information received at such vulnerable times into arguments and unnecessary war.

To stop it, just change your attitude and allow your partner to truly find rest in your arms.

-GSW-