A letter from London

Dear GSW, somebody came up with the idea that it is possible to recreate the human body so that a biological male can be made a female and a female can become a male. The person knew that fundamentally being male has nothing to do with body parts outside of the XY chromosome, the person also knew that being female has nothing to do with the body parts outside of the XX chromosomes.
From time immemorial, the human body has been producing its kind biologically. Most times the product will be good, but sometimes the product comes out defective. Sometimes the defects are a result of human error, drugs that should not be taken during pregnancy which were taken, botched abortions, bad DNA combinations, consanguineous marriages, genetic disorders, physical injuries affecting the baby while it is still in the womb and so on.

Sometimes the defect comes without an explanation, it just appears out of nowhere like a nightmare. Sometimes it is a defect in the ability to see, speak, walk, eat, and feel. Sometimes it is allergies, reactions to food, the environment and so on. Sometimes it is respiratory issues. Sometimes it is cardiovascular. Sometimes it is as a result of the reality the child met after being born, damages to the consciousness or the psyche creating a need or desire for something that the child would seem not to be able to live a fulfilled life without or something the child would feel is missing in his or her life and as a result of that he or she would not be able to function optimally as a human being.

Abandonment issues, trauma, abuse, Daddy issues, Mummy Issues, a feeling of inadequacy and so on. Sometimes it is emotional, sometimes it is sexual and sometimes the issues are fantasies, something fleeting that goes away over time.

My name is Derrick, I am a twin. My twin sister is Debra I am sick and dying, I am also very angry. I don't know if you have ever role-played before. I have read about it and it is very common, a male child will act and pretend to be female and a female child will act and pretend to be male. It is nothing serious, just a passing phase that some children go through I noticed that my twin sister gets a pass whenever she does something wrong.
It may not necessarily be true but I am a boy and from where I see it at the time, she seemed to be getting certain preferential treatment which I didn't get. I got the idea to start pretending to be a female from there I would wear my sister's clothes and run around the house pretending to be exactly like her. I was six years old, I was a child I never knew that my fantasy would be taken as a license by grown adults to ruin my life.

My mother and her three older sisters began to talk about me a great deal, you know how people look at you somehow when they are curious about you or have been talking about you for a while, that look of pity or "sorry that you are going through this" I noticed that I began to get this preferential treatment too. I got the attention away from my sister and I revelled in it. I was the one everybody wanted to keep happy, we would go shopping and everything I picked I got to have as long as they were feminine.

I started to dress in skirts and heels all the time. I threw a lot of tantrums, I started seeing a child therapist at age 8. I was left alone to live and enjoy my life with homework, no chores, no school unless I wanted to go and lots of games.

I realised that pretending to be a girl made life heaven on earth for me. When I was nine, I began to see another therapist. By this time I had my hair all grown out and I acted all girly most of the time. I knew I was a boy, I didn't mind being one, I just liked the attention and the get-out-of-jail-free card my smartness had handed to me. It was this woman who told me for the first time that my body would betray me. She said I would be hitting puberty soon and I would no longer be able to be a girl unless I got a treatment that would keep me from becoming a man. She said men like me get treated unfairly by a world that cannot understand what I am going through and would label me a monster.

I should have given up the act and told her I was only pretending to be a girl so that I wouldn't get to be raised like a boy. I didn't want to do the sweaty things my father did. My mother didn't do much and she was the one in control of the house, my sister also was the belle of the house before I decided to upstage her. My dad still did all the work or most of it and I don't want to live my life in his shoes. He was like our common slave and he would do anything for all his "girls" I however kept up the act and pretended I wanted to remain a girl.

I was referred to another counsellor who spoke with my parents and I remember my father crying. He was a weak man, he just did whatever anybody told him to. He was too gullible. My mother was the one who wore the pants and she wore it with the belt and suspenders of her older sisters. I have never seen my mother execute an original thought before in her life, It was always what sister this or sister that told her to do.

I admit I ultimately ruined my own life in a way. I however was too young to be entrusted with such a decision I mean, I couldn't drive a car yet and I couldn't take alcohol but I was told if I wanted to remain a girl I must decide at age 9 so that I could begin my treatment and the use of puberty blockers (Puberty blockers are medications that stop the body from producing oestrogen and testosterone. In the clinic, they’re called gonadotropin-releasing hormone agonists (GnRHa). If adolescents take these medications during puberty, bodily changes associated with puberty are prevented. If these medications are stopped, these bodily changes resume.

Puberty blockers have been used since the 80s to treat early-onset puberty in young children. In the 90s, puberty blockers have also been used in transgender adolescents to help prevent the unwanted development of masculinising or feminising physical changes that occur during puberty.

Many CHILDREN describe anxiety about unwanted physical changes that will occur because of puberty, especially as adolescence approaches. For those presumed female at birth, these unwanted changes include breast development and starting periods. For those presumed male at birth, these unwanted changes may include the development of a deeper voice, an Adam’s apple, facial hair and a masculine physique. Many of these physical changes are irreversible and result not only in gender dysphoria but also in misgendering). How was I to understand the full effect and consequences of such a decision as a child? I had adults around me who acted as if their brains were made of pig fat. None of them considered the fact that I might not understand what they were saying they wanted to do to me, I didn't want to be a girl, I just wanted to be treated the way my father treated my sister, my mother and my aunties.

Anyway, the decision was made and my treatment commenced. I never knew it would involve loads of surgeries and my life would become a nightmare that revolved around going in and out of hospitals and doctors I never knew, I would be on medication all my life. I never knew I would be made sterile and unable to father a child. I never knew I would be mutilated and turned into a guinea pig. I never knew I would be accused of acting out or being an ingrate anytime I expressed my displeasure about what I was turned into and how unhappy I was about it. The more I grew into adulthood, the less I wanted to be treated the way I was treated as a child. I wanted to make a life for myself but I couldn't. My life had been made for me, my bed was laid and I was expected to lie in it.

My life became a protest I was always angry. Apparently, I had no right to be so I am no longer a boy, I am not a girl I am somewhat in between. I am still human but I am not living the normal human life. I see girls and talk to them, some talk back and smile and sit with me playing my pretend game with me. I want to be a boy with them but I cannot and I am not really a girl. This is why I wonder if I am living or dead I know I am sick, the tons and tons of medicines I take daily prove that I should not be sick, I know that, why then am I sick? I am not the real past and I am not the unreal present. I am lost in transition, undefined and redefined into obscurity.

I write this from the living grave of a dead soul Can I be saved?

PS: I got this letter a few months ago in my email I didn't know what to do with it at first, so I replied to the writer and assured him of the love of Christ. I told him he was male, I referred to him as Mister and Brother as we spoke over the phone. He was not a dead soul I told him about Prophet Daniel in the Bible, a man mutilated as a slave so that he could serve the King of Babylon without any distraction. I told him there was a great plan for him in Christ and I helped him to see that plan by the power of the Holy Spirit. I led him to Christ and I christened him Daniel. Daniel is filled with the Holy Spirit and learning to master the life we have in Christ, I have in him a brother in Christ who is set to do great and mighty things in his generation. He will bring hope and succour to his kind all over the world. There is no destiny that God does not have a plan for I must say however that it is high time we stop mentally ill doctors all over the world from destroying lives just for the fun of it. The doctors who hide behind science to mutilate and butcher children in the name of a fantasy for the sake of making a buck should be arrested and their licenses should be withdrawn. They should be sued and jailed for the evil they are doing to humanity. Parents should do better and no government should be empowered to turn children into guinea pigs just to prove a point.

-GSW-