Cornered

Cornered 

He was a very angry man
She couldn't explain why it seemed as if 
he was always in a fit 
He married his wife because he loved her
He knew the challenges and the opposition 
the marriage faced
First there was the spiritual issue
His parents told him to pray about his 
choice of a wife
The prophetess he went to meet was a 
family friend
She saw and predicted that there will 
be issues
He was from a tribe
His wife to be was from another tribe
The tribal issues were obvious
His wife was a free spirit, he loved her 
independence
He loved her to bits!
He decided to proceed with the wedding
He had never heard of any marriage that didn't 
have its issues
He had a good job and so did his wife
They both have the economic wherewithal to 
provide a solid future for the children
His love language was gifts and Acts of service 
and physical touch
His wife's love language were words of affirmation, 
quality time and physical touch
The marriage took off brightly 
He took care of his responsibilities around 
the house without any complaints
He paid the rent, made sure the cars and 
generators were properly serviced and so on
He also did the laundry, he joyfully washed 
his wife's undies without any qualms
She made sure the home was in order
She took care of her kitchen and made sure 
there was food in the house all the time
She didn't bug him for money for home upkeep
She took the home upkeep the same way 
he took the house upkeep
It was a good home
But something went wrong with the relationship
He was by nature a very controlling person
He would call her and act very distrutful
The premise for him was not love or concern
He was always acting out on the assumption 
that she was cheating
The lack of trust was jarring
She had never done anything to give him any 
concern regarding her fidelity
She was a virgin when she married him
She never guessed he would have trust issues 
while they were courting
She was a virgin and so was he when they 
tied the cord
How she suddenly became a cheat suspect 
after they got married was galling
If she was on a call he wanted to know who 
she was talking with
If she left the office at a particular time, 
he would be calling every few minutes
to be sure she didn't detour or meet with 
anyone
He was always insinuating that she was 
sleeping around
It wasn't a good cloud for anybody to walk 
under
He loved dishing out orders, playing man 
and when he didn't get his way
He would resort to verbal abuse and insults
The problem with his approach was it 
got to her badly
She didn't have a thick skin and the things 
he said cut her to the quick
She wanted him to stop
Love couldn't talk like the subject of its affection
Love shouldn't make her feel useless, 
inadequate and stupid
She got pregnant
She travelled abroad to have the baby
He sent her the names he wanted the 
baby to bear
She bungled it!
She substituted one of the names for the one 
she wanted to give the child
(The name she put on the certificate meant the 
same thing but was not in the same language)
He was very displeased
The pattern was always the same
When he was displeased, he wouldn't let issues go
He would continue to refer to it at every opportunity
Communication practically broke down between them
She avoided his verbal lashes as much as possible
She kept away from all forms of informal 
communication with her husband
She cooks, takes care of her baby and tried to keep 
her home
She got pregnant with her second child a year later
She travelled abroad to have the baby
She thought things would improve
They didn't!
She was lonely, unhappy and found herself 
slipping into depression
Her husband would come back from work, play 
video game, hang out with his friends 
He didn't seem to have any good word for her
He called her manipulative, a liar, a backstabber, 
a blackmailer
The worst of all the accusations he levelled against 
her was that she was a cheat
He says it over and over again
"You were always talking to somebody till late in 
the night on your phone" He says
"I am sure you are sleeping around"
She didn't know where he got the impression 
that she was cheating
She had never ever even considered it
It was driving her crazy
She knew he also didn't like the way things were
He just couldn't help himself
His pride wouldn't let him admit that they 
needed help
He thought if he broke her spirit and turned 
her into a zombie 
He would finally have a happy home
She was at first willing to bear the insults and 
manage the sharp divide
But the more she stayed in an environment of 
strife, the sicker she got
She couldn't concentrate at work, she couldn't 
function as she should
She moved from their main room to the guest room
She hoped he would take the cue and asked 
her what was wrong
He didn't! 
He laughed at her antics, called her a frustrated 
woman and accusing her of trying to manipulate him
One day, she decided that enough was enough
She started amassing her evidence 
She downloaded a call recorder application on 
her phone
She made sure she recorded every conversation 
he had with with her
As usual he raved, cursed and tore her to pieces
One Saturday she packed her belongings, took 
her childen and returned to her parent's house
He went out to see some friends and returned 
home to meet an empty house
She knew he loved her and her children
She hoped he would come looking for her 
to bring her back home
She prayed they will have the opportunity 
to talk about the issues
All she wanted was to change the direction 
things were going
But things go straight out of control
He got mad that she pulled the stunt she did 
She got mad that he got mad after all he 
had put her through
Family members got involved
His family members didn't understand why 
she did what she did
Her family members supported her after 
listening to all the evidence she presented
Her husband went mad that she taped their 
conversations without his consent
It made her look even more manipulative
He felt she deliberately set him up to look 
like an evil person
Her move broke trust's back
It seemed as if there was no way for them 
to overcome the damage they did to each other
He mentally abused her and she psychologically 
abused him and took away his children 
His family decided to step in for reconciliation
By that time her eyes were off the ball
She was angry!
Words had been said and people who ought not 
to be insulted had been insulted
They tried twice!
Talks broke down on both occasions 
She dragged him to Alternative Dispute 
Resolution centre
Another series of words were exchanged
He had added her new antics to the list 
of her offences
It made things really difficult
Hurting each other to try and force love 
out of each other
When it comes to love, negative plus negative 
is not positive!
issues continue to fester unnecessarily 
One year after she left her husband's house
She decided she was too young to be a 
single mother
Her plan for her children was for them to 
grow up with their father
She reached out to him
She:I want to come back home"
He: I didn't chase you away, you can come 
back anytime you want
She: I think we need counselling
He: No! I am fine
She: You are angry, bitter, unhappy and you
 are always insulting me
He: You are manipulative, a liar, you're trying 
to control me. 
You decided when you wanted to leave, how 
long you wanted to leave for 
and when you wanted to return. 
I am irrelevant here! You're the boss!
You decided to come back home after you have
 tried out many options out there 
and none of them worked for you
You have also told so many people bad things 
about me, from family to friends 
and relatives and now you want to come back not 
minding the damage you have done 
to my reputation
She didn't know what to do!
If she returned home without both of them 
getting any counselling, 
she knew a baptism of fire awaits her
Her husband seemed totally disinterested in counselling. 
As far as he was concerned, she left when she 
wanted, he tried to bring her 
back twice to no avail and he was done!
She was the only one pursuing reconciliation 
and this had taken away all her bargaining power
She wanted to go back for the sake of her children 
but she knew it wouldn't be worth it
She wanted a good home, a loving husband, 
cinderella and her glass slippers
She wanted everything
The problem was how to navigate the 
treacherous waters
She had invited their pastors to intervene
Her husband stopped going to church afterwards
Anytime she invited anyone to intervene, her 
husband would take the position that
such a person is judging him and colluding with 
his wife to denigrate him
She wanted her marriage back so badly
She had prayed and fasted
She had taken time to seek counselling for herself
And yet her husband's song remained
"Come home whenever you are ready to return"
He wouldn't even consider getting help
As far as she is concerned, it would be like willingly 
walking into a fiery furnace
Apart from that, it seemed her other option 
would be to give up!