Finding Love

Heartbreak is the worst thing one can wish for his or her enemy.

The pain is excruciating and unrelenting.

Like the waves of the sea

It gets so bad sometimes that you forget how to feel normal again

When the pain begins to ebb, another feeling of numbness and hopelessness replaces it

That one lasts for a while before another feeling of loneliness creeps in

You deal with these mad feelings as best as you can

The first three months after a heartbreak are the devil

You feel as if you have swallowed a dragon

And I speak of how you feel within yourself

Now how do you feel about the other party?

When the pain first hits you, you might feel defiant or stubborn

Who does he think he is? Who does she think she is? How dare she think I cannot survive without her.

You even rationalize it and say, "It is for the best."

But then the emotions do not care about logic.

The next minute you are writing a mail, tacitly begging.

You start making promises you know you cannot keep, "I will do whatever you want, my love, I just want you back."

He or she knows the heartbreak is biting you and he or she is suffering from it too.

The way you want to run back is the way he or she wants to come back to you too.

It is just that there are too many adversaries.

The hurdles you guys have tried to cross together but found yourself crashing against over and over again

Personality, character, financial, family, etc.

If the opposition was strong enough to break you up, it is strong enough to keep you apart.

Every relationship faces its own unique set of challenges.

It should however be able to adapt and surmount the challenges without many issues.

If it fails to do this easily, the challenge might either make the relationship stronger or break it.

If it breaks it, it means the challenge is stronger than the relationship, and no matter the pain you are feeling, that challenge will break that relationship over and over again.

If the relationship however was able to defy that challenge once, it has defeated it forever.

No matter what it is

There are basic principles, the lines some of our relationships crossed and found to be too strong for them to conquer

For some, it was parental consent, for others, it was attitudinal issues

Most people do not know what it is until they get there

They test their love against this thing and find out they would rather stick with this thing than the relationship

I have a brother who left his relationship because his girlfriend went off with her girlfriends to a pre-marriage party and she didn't return on time or call to assure him she was fine

He loved her but he refused to take her "disappearing" act without checking in as an okay thing

The first time she did it, he warned her sternly that it was a deal breaker for him

Another time she went shopping with her friends by 10 AM and she did not return until 10 pm at night

He never understood whatever came upon her whenever she was with her friends. He told her he didn't want it

They had a fight over it

She started avoiding going out with her friends because she also realized that whenever she was out with them, she didn't know how to tell them she wanted to leave or go home

She would try but then a friend would say, stay a bit longer or Where are you hurrying to? or "Our daddy is calling us home again" or something like that and she would then stay with them so as not to seem as if a man is controlling her or she was pooping the party.

Until that pre-marriage bash that led to their breakup

She realised she liked him but he was right in a way.

She didn't like him enough to stop herself from doing what he wouldn't like

Of course, the heartbreak was horrendous but it is what it is.

I know another lady who broke up with her man because whenever she offended him, he would rather talk to his friends, her friends, her parents, his parents, her younger sister, his uncle, or even a stranger but he never talks to her about it.

She always had to listen to his misgivings from a stranger. He would say he liked handling issues that way to avoid a confrontation or a fight.

She felt he did that so that when he broke up with her, he could justify it to those people and label her a bad person.

She walked away.

There are some whose parents insisted they cannot marry a particular lady or man because their pastor said so, or they had a dream or he or she is not from their denomination or they have something against the tribe he or she came from.

Many relationships have been slaughtered on this altar of parental consent and blessings.

Some children defy their parents because their love is strong enough.

Some children cave in to their parent's whims because their love is not strong enough.

If the love is strong enough there is nothing it cannot surmount

That is the truth but not all relationships carry the same energy or strength to defeat certain opposition.

Some relationships died as soon as a friend laughed or made a joke about the lady or the guy.

You like him and you are dating him but the moment your friends whose opinions you value take a poke at it, you kill the relationship instantly in your heart.

On the flip side, there are relationships that you kill friendships for.

As soon as your babe or guy says "I don’t want you associating with those people again", you delete them immediately from your mind, or as soon as your friends comment on your man or lady, you say in your mind, “This is the end of this friendship for me" and you subsequently walked away.

There are people who will defy their pastor, even leave a church denomination for the love of their life and there are those who will walk away from a relationship because their pastor said they should.

I know people who insisted they would never have sex before marriage but took off their clothes for a particular lady or guy that they felt in their core was worth it and I know people who had been liberal on the sex before marriage thing but after meeting a particular partner decided they will wait until after marriage to have sex.

Love is never a one-size-fits-all thing.

Every relationship has its dynamics. No two relationships are ever the same Someone will walk out of your life and you will cry your eyes out.

Another will walk out of your life and you will heave a sigh of relief.

Someone will be in your life and you will be shopping for a husband or wife for him because he or she is a good person but you just know you cannot be together.

Another person will be in your life and you will be holding on to them with everything you have because your heart just can't take losing such a one.

These things are not up to you.

They just are!

I am celebrating here today the engagement of my sister.

I woke up this morning and saw this video in my WhatsApp of her getting engaged yesterday! The marriage is on January 7.

The relationship lasted two years! Wow!

The relationship started 7 months after her breakup with her previous fiancé.

That relationship lasted five years.

She felt he was the one and he was sure he was the one at the time but somewhere along the way things fell apart.

I remember her phone call to me after the relationship came to a halt.

I had never heard such a harrowing cry before in my life.

It was as if somebody died.

I had to reach out to one of our seasoned big sisters in the ministry to help reach out to her and comfort her.

Heartbreak can humble you.

It took her some time to recover, but she did.

She found love again and took each day one step at a time.

They faced their fair share of challenges and weathered the storms.

He proposed yesterday and she said yes.

It was the best good morning gift I have received in a while.

I am sharing this awesome news with us all here.

Please give yourself a chance to love again.

Not all relationships crash and burn, some do thrive.

You never know if you don't tr.

As we go into 2024, don’t just make confessions of "My marital destiny is settled" while sitting back and returning to your old routines.

Position yourself to be found.

Make new friends.

Make friends that have good friends who can be introduced to you.

Be cheerful and warm.

Pray in the Holy Spirit more so you glow from within.

Be open-minded and not rigid. Fix yourself first. Enjoy your life in Christ daily.

PS: I found a funny couple recently. The lady broke up with him, he begged her and she agreed to stay. The next day, he broke up with her. She asked why and he said it was because she was always threatening to break up with him and he was tired of begging her all the time.

If a relationship gives you that much instability, it is best to pull the cord.

She said okay.

They became friends. She started talking to somebody else. He also pretended to start talking to somebody else. She heard about it and started crying that he had moved on too soon. He told her she moved on first. She said she was just acting, and pretending to get his attention. She said she had not moved on and he should not move on too. He told her he was only pretending with evidence. She then started blushing like Princess Allora. I didn't know what to make of their friendship or relationship at the moment One of those mysteries that baffled Solomon-the way of a man with a maiden...

 -GSW-