Heartbreak Outcry

The pain just won’t go away,
the pain that has lodged itself
deep in my heart from the
moment you decided it was over.
You had your reasons, no doubt.
and they make sense, no doubt.
And yet I weep and sigh.
I tried calling you, you have
blocked me. I tried chatting
with you, you have blocked me.
 
Sometimes I just stare at your
profile on Twitter for hours,
wishing I could somehow conjure
some life into your picture.
I miss you sorely.
 
Ji si ke…
Or is it Je si ke
That word you taught me and
say often keeps ringing in my ears.
What have I done?
Where have you gone?
I know I need to get you
out of my system, but how?
I have been trying everything
I know so that I can get distracted.
I wanted to forget, like the
dead or like the mad man
And yet your consciousness stayed
with me like a magnet.
 
My heart is paining me, I swear
Why did I fall in love
with you? I knew the moment
the American guy started calling
that I was way out of my league.
You have always desired to marry 
somebody living abroad.
I remember the guy in Japan,
the one that didn’t work out just
before we met. I remember your
lofty plans of studying abroad.
I wish I had the means to
sponsor your trip or even travel
abroad with you but I cannot
Not now anyway.
I knew you were way out
of my league and was just
chilling with me to while away time.
 
I knew I was in 200 level when 
I approached you for your friendship.
I knew you were studying
for your M.Sc and wouldn’t
wait for me. I knew you would
leave sooner or later.
So why do I hurt like this?
I have not been sleeping well,
or even eating well.
I cry myself to sleep and
barely talk to people anymore.
Everything lost taste without you.
 
I check to see if you have
unblocked me everyday.
I know you said you were
blocking me because I had
become a distraction.
I was supposed to be a bus stop,
not a destination. I know this.
I have been saying it to myself
over and over, hoping I would
get it or understand but I only
hear the word. My heart still
hurts. I long for you.
 
Ha! I long to sit across the
table from you and watch your
dimples with delight again.
I miss the way you walk
without touching the floor.
I miss your phone calls and
your excited laughter.
I miss that rolling of the eyes
and the midnight prayers.
 
Oh Lord, my God, please help me.
Why does it hurt this way?
What can I do?
What can I do to make
you come back or to stop
the pain? You said I am too
young but I am just four years
younger than you. You said
I am not from your tribe
but how does that matter?
You said I am not ready.
You are right and yet I weep
like this. It’s been two weeks,
no three, and it feels so raw
still. I sent you a text, searched
for you on Facebook trying to see
how I could meet with you
and perhaps just say hello.
You were quite thorough.
I was blocked everywhere!
I was asked to write this by 
Gbenga Wemimo
He said it will help in a way
but I have spent this hour crying
more than writing.
You’re my best friend, my only
friend and my beloved.
I love you so much it hurts!
Chai!
 
Love is painful.
I will do anything to hold
your hand again, to say I love
you and watch you read.
Hope your final project is gaining
some speed.
I miss you so much and
I must say this: I understand.
 
PS: Tunde is writing to Mary as
a form of therapy. I read it
and found it quite nice to read.
Hope you find it interesting too.
 
-GSW-