HUGGING EMBERS

I remember a message from a young man who was entangled with a married woman. According to him, he was the main guy the lady was dating before she met this rich guy and married him but then she came back to his bed after the marriage and now he had become the side guy sharing the lady with her legitimate husband; he knew it was wrong (not in a religious manner) but in a life-threatening manner. No sane man would assume he is safe while sleeping with another man’s wife, those who used to think so are mostly dead now.

He said he needed help. I told him he had to let the lady go. He said he was powerless to do so. I told him the lady will not be powerless to walk away from him when push comes to shove; he said he was sure she would give up her marriage for him without batting an eyelid. I told him he was being naïve. He said all he needed was my prayers. I said, “Prayer won’t stop you from doing this evil. You are the one that must make up your mind not to do this anymore.” He said he could not guarantee that. I then took a gamble and asked him if I could talk to the lady but he said, “I can never expose her like that, why would you want to talk to her?” I apologized but I knew the gamble had failed and he had lost confidence in his conversation with me. I felt I had pushed too hard and should have been patient, I could sense he was in danger. I began to pray.

A few weeks later, not up to a month, I got a call from this man’s older sister; he had been jobless for a while and had moved into the boys’ quarters of his older sister’s house somewhere in Lagos. She said he had been missing for several days and she was hopeful I could pray with her to locate him prophetically.

Desperate people seek desperate solutions sometimes and well, their desperation is sometimes counted as audacity and rewarded). We prayed and all I heard was the name ‘Lolo’. So, I asked her if she knows anyone by the name Lolo and she said, “Oh, there’s this lady in the estate, an old friend of his, she married a man from the East and the family calls her Lolo. I don’t think they talk though, since she got married and moved on with her life. They used to be close.”

I knew it was the lady he was sleeping with and I asked her if she could get me this Lolo’s number. She did I called and Lolo picked.  We got talking and I told her this guy gave me her number and asked me to call her in case he goes missing; I said I was his insurance policy against any wrongful death or accident and I have evidence of their illicit affair. Again, it was a gamble but one I was sure would pay off. She cut the call, I waited, then she called back some minutes later crying. She said they went to a hotel to have sex and her husband traced them there. He arranged for some guys to pick him up and had her locked up in her room without her phone since then (she claimed that was why she didn’t reach out to anybody to report the issue). She just kept lying and lying. She didn’t lie about where he was and what happened to him but everything, she said about her silence on the matter were lies.  She would have left him to rot and die without a second thought. I reached out to the older sister to this guy and the law was brought into the matter. The lady’s husband eventually shared his whereabouts (reluctantly). The family went to get him out of detention; he had been charged with armed robbery and shot on the ankle, he was alive and rushed to the hospital.

The lady’s husband insisted he was an armed robber who trailed his wife home from the bank and was caught in the process of raping his wife. A total departure from what the wife told me.

When this young man was asked what happened (he is 37 years old) he claimed he was arrested by the police in a raid and they tried to frame him with armed robbery etcetera.

Despite everything he had been through, he was still trying to protect the lady and her marriage It was until I told him how we discovered where he was that he began to cry and tell the truth. Wow!

He had assumed his family somehow located him by themselves and despite the pain prepared a story to tell that would make him look like a victim and clear the married lady of any wrong doing.

Men are gullible that way and women know that to be true. The lady never came to see him in the hospital (He was there for three months and he called her several times. The only time she answered her call, it was to tell him to move on with his life because what they were doing was a mistake all along) The more he waited for her to prove her love, the more he cried in anguish. She never loved him enough to let go of her marriage. He was just a play thing or a side attraction to her.

No married man or woman sleeping with you truly loves you. All he or she wants is sex and some time out of the union. If he or she was truly interested in being with you, he would be unmarried with evidence or without any real encumbrances to his or her relating with you.

A sister of mine in Christ was dating a married man who used to tell her all sort of bad things about his wife, she got to church one day and discovered the “evil” wife was pregnant with another baby. She almost gouged her eyes out while lamenting her stupidity.

Marriage can be a tough business, most of those in it are not so quick to want to leave it. Sometimes though, they find comfort outside of it. That comfort does not lead to anything but pain for the one they are drawing energy from.

Married people who sleep with single folks are like parasites, they take everything of value and give back their pain, regret, anger, lust, frustrations, lies and deceit.

They know it is not leading anywhere but they will lead their victim on emotionally until they suck him or her dry.

Sometimes they fall in love genuinely with this object of their love but that also leads nowhere for they are bound to another and shared history is not so easily discarded. ‘

Learn this!

If you choose to be with a married man or woman, do so knowing the risk involved. Know that the married fellow will not choose you above his or her reality. You will be discarded if push comes to shove. If you still choose this reality don’t come crying foul or praying for vengeance or cursing and abusing the married fellow when he or she walks away after sucking you dry.

There is no point playing the victim when you chose to play the game right from the outset. Sometimes the fellow would lie about being married, this is not an excuse but as soon as you know walk away. By lying to you, you already know what sort of character he or she is.

Finally, not all romantic relationships will be in the context of black or white, “married” or “single” etcetera.

Sex is a biological need; people will have it. Try and do right by yourself in having it.

For believers on this thread, you know the standards you set are key in measuring your growth in your walk with the Lord.

They are also part of your testimony among the saints. Make your choices based on the leading of the Holy Spirit.

I am praying for you.

Love,

-GSW-