Led to the Sting

She came to my office and with her two 
children six months ago, she was petite 
and very warm
She opened her mouth and what she 
said was crazy
“I am a sickle -cell warrior, 
God has blessed me with two wonderful 
children and I have enjoyed his mercies 
over the years but my marriage Is hell!
My husband beats me, abuses me both
 physically and mentally and this is the 
reason I came here to see you sir! 
I want this torment to be over, I want 
this torture to be gone and I believe 
you can heal me by the power of the 
Holy Spirit”
She believed her husband would 
change once she was free of the 
sickle-cell disease
She attributed his behaviour to the
frustration he was feeling as a 
result of all he had to bear as a
consequence of her illness
She blamed herself for the battering
She said a lot of things! 
Ugly Things! 
She said her husband wanted her 
to die
She didn’t blame him because she 
understood that being married to 
her was far from being married to 
a normal woman
There were many things she couldn’t 
do because of her health.
She was always in pain at varying 
degrees and sometimes her crisis will 
come calling and she would spend a 
long time in the hospital
She said her husband’s frustrations were 
understandable and she believed that 
once she got healed her husband would 
turn a new leaf.
I disagreed with her
A predator can only see in green and blue
An abusive spouse can only be abusive
I told her to leave the marriage immediately
She was better off alone and at peace 
than in a marriage where she would have 
to battle mental and physical torture
Her husband beats her steadily, especially 
when he is provoked over some petty 
issues
He would tell her she was better off dead
in the presence of the children
She had been rushed to the hospital 
several times because of him
His nickname for her was “Liability”
He would tell the children to her face that 
she was an Ogbanje, an Abiku who will 
not live to see them get married
I felt her pain deep in my heart
I told her to please leave this man, 
divorce him
She said it is against the Christian religion
Love is patient and Kind, 
love is long-suffering
love is enduring
Love is 1 Corinthians 13
When a deer finds itself in the den 
of a lion
Survival is more virtuous than love
I told her staying to die would be a 
more grievous offense than running 
away and preserving her life
Without the right atmosphere, 
supernatural healing would almost be 
impossible
She said okay and left
I remember praying with her that God
will give her the strength to do the
right thing
Weeks later she wrote to me that she 
had moved to Lagos while her husband 
had to remain in Abuja because of work
I was glad
I told her to rest and trust the Lord for 
divine intervention
She told me her older sister was helping 
with the children and that has given her 
more time to rest and be at peace
I was glad
On Sunday, 18th July 2021, a woman 
approached me at our retreat In Abeokuta
She was the older sister to this lady
She was in tears
She said the lady died and was buried 
21 days ago
I asked her what happened
She said her husband often came to 
Lagos once a month to check on her 
and her children and as usual her 
husband would throw all sorts of fit 
Insisting that she resign her job in 
Lagos and relocate to Abuja to be 
with him or insisting that he wanted 
to have sex while their children were 
also in the same hotel room with them 
or accusing her of infidelity among other 
things
There was a huge file of voice notes, 
chats and other shreds of evidence of abuse 
compiled by this young lady as she 
was building a case for divorce and
custody of the children
I sat looking into the space while 
I was told all that had happened and 
how this lady went into a crisis and died 
within 30 minutes after spending hours
fighting with him the previous Sunday
when he insisted she had to sleep with
him in the hotel when he came to Lagos
for a visit
She had told him she was tired and had
to go to the office very early the next
morning
She planned to leave the children with
him and return home to rest but he would
not have it
They dragged the issue till 1 AM
He eventually called a pastor and his
wife
They mediated the issue and advised her
to sleep in the hotel since it was too late
for her to leave
She slept over, got home in the morning
bone weary by the evening she was in crisis
They rushed her to the hospital but it
was too little too late
She died within thirty minutes of getting to
the hospital
This lady told me she had gone to the police 
station to report but she was told the man 
cannot be accused of anything! 
Couples fight all the time, the DPO even said 
he had beaten his wife out of anger 
several times and so that has nothing to 
do with the case at hand!
Hmmm
This man was the one sharing small chops
 at the burial ceremony of his wife!
Perhaps because he wanted to be useful
His siblings confess that he has issues 
with anger and malice
Barely 21 days after his wife was buried 
he was demanding the custody of the
 children
Children that he was caught on tape while 
instructing them not to play with their
 cousins and stating that “If I see you 
with the children of so and so, I will 
disown you”
The lady’s desire was for her children 
to be raised in a stable environment but 
I don’t think she will get that wish even 
in death
This story is very upsetting to me 
While it is true that the plight of a sickle cell 
warrior is not something just anybody can 
take on as a spouse, it is important that 
those who dare to take it on know that
 they are free to walk away whenever they 
feel overwhelmed or started to resent their 
spouse
While I am not in any way encouraging divorce,
 I will rather have a living divorcee than a 
battered or dead spouse
I was told her husband wanted a third child, 
despite the doctor’s advice against such, 
he said they had an agreement that they 
were going to have three children and she 
had only delivered two
(what was such a man doing with such a 
woman?)
I write this as a warning to spouses who 
are determined to stay in marriage until 
death do them part while their spouse was 
hell-bent on killing them!
Jesus didn’t save you so that you can waste 
your life away in this manner marriage 
between reasonable people is a tough deal
To be married to a cold-blooded partner is 
nothing to be proud of
If the marriage will cost you your life, please 
walk away

Ps: Adieu Olajumoke Ajoke Obazughanwen 
(nee Onifade)
You would have clocked 39 on July 26!
Goodnight!