Tantrums 1

When i met my husband, he was a 
born again Christian
He had a wonderful relationship with
the Holy Spirit
He had the type of relationship that
impressed me and I was not so easily
impressed by "spiritual" people
I was an undergraduate when i met him
I loved him so much
The only problem was his attraction to me
I mean physical attraction
He was not like that with other ladies
He was a virgin and a quite serious
in his disposition to life
I was his weakness
He always wanted to touch and kiss 
and make out with me
I was a new convert at the time
I wanted to grow in my walk with the 
Holy Spirit
I was quite naive
I knew we were not supposed to be
involved in worldly things like partying,
clubbing and all
I was also sure that the marriage bed 
was supposed to be undefiled
So when we started kissing
I asked him if it was not a sin to kiss
He said it was not
But between going clubbing and fornicating
I felt the latter was more sinful
I was not convinced, so I broke off
our relationship
I told him I would rather go partying
and go to hell than be involved in
secret sexual sin and go to hell
We eventually got married
I was twenty and he was twenty-three
Perhaps i was too young 
But we had a wonderful home
The best marriage anyone could ever
hope for
He was dedicated to me and the family
His love for God waxed stronger by the
day
He had a strong sense of responsibility
He was a very good man
It was quite easy to mistake his background
as "Christian"
He bore a Christian name and his father
also bears a Christian name
His mother was always talking about church
It was after the marriage that I realized his
father was a Mason and Rosicrucian
I didn't even really know till now what
that really meant
What I know is this
His father was not a Christian, he had some
weird beliefs about reality and is a member
of a cult that holds very weird beliefs
Even he was weary of his parents and
siblings
He kept them as far away as possible from
the family for the first ten years
We were based in the UK
He had a married brother in the US
His parents were based in Nigeria
We started having babies from the
first year of our marriage
I came from a deeply Christian family
My family supported us both morally
and materially 
We were perfectly fine until his elder
brother and his wife came to visit
I have never heard anyone complain
that someone's home was too peaceful
That was what his brother said
It rang in my ears over and over
Was his brother not supposed to be
proud of that?
What possible benefit would anyone
gain from a peaceless home?
The period my husband's elder brother
and his wife spent in my home was
the beginning of the mess I find myself
in now
I want to believe it was because I became
complacent
I felt relaxed
I felt there was no battle
I stopped praying
I stopped fasting and walking with the
Holy Spirit
The fiery darts of the enemy came
I had no defense
I was at ease in Zion!
His brother filled his head with all sorts
of junks
His brother mocked him for being a sissy
His brother said I had turned him into
a church boy
We had four children already
I was not working
My husband was providing for us adequately
His brother felt I was just lazing around
and using the children as an excuse to
make his brother slave away for me and
our children
Sincerely, that line of thinking was beyond
ridiculous
Would he be happier if my husband was
irresponsible?
Would he be glad he came to visit us in 
the UK only to find his brother's family
in disarray?
I didn't pay more attention to his brother
He was a street guy
A clubber and a party freak
He and his wife were wild and as mad
as a hatter
I was sure my husband would never be
like that
They were both very different people
The holiday lasted for two weeks
They left on a Sunday evening and I sang
a hymn of thanksgiving
The wolf is out of the sheep's pen
About a month later, my husband's
mother paid us a visit
She came to confirm the report she had
heard from his brother
That her son was a sheep instead of a lion
That her son was behaving like a boy instead
of a real man
His mother made this plain to me
His mother said "Men must cheat, men
are polygamous by nature! It is either they
marry more than one wife or keep mistresses!
You have domesticated my son
He is too sheepish, too simple
This is not how a real man behaves"
Wow!
From a woman to a woman
What his mother did made no sense to me
She claimed to be a Christian
What sort of Christian reasons that way?
I was very well brought up
I listened to his mother silently and counted
the days
She must leave eventually and she did!
Bu since then things had gone downhill
I discovered that my husband was having
an affair last year
I confronted him and he told me everything
It started and was still in progress
I was shocked
I had it all together
I would never have thought he was
capable of such a thing
It was so not in His nature
He asked for forgiveness and i forgave
but we are not moving forward
He was still having the affair
I know this, even though he denied it
My husband is very good with words
He can talk a snake into parting with
it's venom 
But despite all the lies, I can see that
he was still cheating
He has become so guarded, so secretive
I spoke to his parents
They told me they would deal with it
but I am sure they were happy they
got they wanted
Everything about him has changed
I feel he was just rebelling
And the lady he was sleeping with
lives about ten minutes away from 
our house
She is a Jamaican
Suddenly my husband is drinking
and clubbing
I don't really understand what has 
happened to him
He comes home and behaves as if
everything is normal
We still have sex regularly
But I there is no joy for me in our
intimacy anymore
I am hurting badly
Whenever i talk to him about it
he would adjust
But it would only last for a day or
two
He cannot pretend what is, is not
and i cannot close my eyes and 
convince myself it doesn't matter
that he was cheating on me
Many people have tried to help
us cross this bridge
They asked him if he wanted to end
the marriage
He said No
Yet, he is distant and unreachable
He has changed totally
Whenever i reacted by closing my
legs to him
He would come at me with sweet words
and promises
He has my number and would eventually
have his way with me
He keeps doing the wrong things while
saying he wants things to get better
between us
Could you believe he told me bluntly
that he wants both me and the other
lady!
He said it as a matter of fact
Like I was supposed to hug him and say
"Finally, you solved the problem of
poverty and sickness for humanity"
I told him that would be over my
dead body
He sulked for two days and then he
told me he had broken up with her
Yet, he still calls her and sees her!
I know he is taking me for granted
He feels i dont have a job, i dont
want a broken home and I am stuck
with him
He is taking advantage of my Christianity,
my way of peace and godliness
Do you know his mother once brought
a girl into the house for him?
She brought another girl into my 
matrimonial
home for my husband to be sleeping with!
I am telling you!
But how was I to see this future
We have had the best marriage for 
ten years
And now this...
I told him yesterday not to touch or
come near me again
I am not fighting with him but my
body is mine
He went out after that till almost midnight
after that
I am losing my mind
We sleep in the same room, on the same
bed and yet I have lost him
The physical attraction is still there
He went out for hours last night during the 
lockdown
He came home and wanted to kiss me
He was that disconnected from reality
Love has failed me
Someone who loves me will never do
this to me
He is the same with the children
He pays them little attention and has
little interaction with them
That's all!
Brother Gbenga, I love this man
I am willing to forgive him and take
him back
I am willing to make this marriage work
I see more than my husband sees
This marriage is not just a marriage
to me but he is leaving me no option.

PS: I think my husband is just being
rebellious
I think he is just throwing tantrums
I think he is lifting up his fist and shaking
it t the heavens in defiance
I don't know what to call it
I just desire for it to stop
I want my life back

GSW's notes: Marriages are tough
Parents and relatives should really
be kept at arms length regardless of
how positive or negative their influence
is perceived to be
The field was seeded with good seed
but while man slept, the enemy came
and sowed tares
Shall we leave the two to grow together?