Shame is not Spiritual

I remember the first time I saw shame used as a tool for correction in church. A young man, an usher, stole some money given to him by the pastor to drop in the offering basket. He didn't expect the pastor to check the offering record and look out for that money. The pastor called attention to it and it was discovered it was not his first time helping himself to some of the offerings whenever he was in need.

He was paraded in church during the following Sunday's service, suspended from the worker's group and given manual labour to do as punishment. His fiance left him (she is a member of the church and couldn't imagine being with a thief), and his friends and other members of the church turned him into a pariah. When he was done with his punishment, he couldn't stay in the church, he couldn't even stay in Ibadan where the incident happened. He moved to Lagos and he kept far away from the church and Christians.

I met him several years later, in Germany! I walked out of the Berlin Airport and ran into him at the parking lot, he embraced me and we sat down there and chatted for hours before my Uber arrived. He is still a Christian but has not been able to reintegrate himself into any church for fear a member of that church will know someone in Nigeria who will tell them his story. I advised him to join a non-Nigerian church.

Nigerians should learn how to wean themselves off local churches in international communities anyway. Didn't Jeremiah instruct the children of Israel to live life to the full in Babylon? The second time I had to deal with shame as a weapon of correction was when a young man and a young woman who were in courtship but yet to be married reported that they were expecting a baby. The outrage was out of this world. After a week of relentless onslaught from her church and family, the young lady committed suicide. It just so happened that the day was Christmas Day. What an irony! I asked a pastor why they did the shaming thing, he said it was according to

1 Timothy 5: 20 But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning.  The scripture had nothing to do with young believers but elders.

I have seen couples who went through similar embarrassing ordeals and stayed in the church afterward without having any psychological issues. I have seen shame do to others irreparable damage. We are not all cut out of the same ilk, it is in my opinion counterproductive at every level. Some say it will stop others from towing the same line if they see those who erred being dragged through the mud like that, I do not agree. That people are not coming to church to report they are pregnant does not mean they are not having sex. Approximately 70% of women who had an abortion self-identified as Christians, according to a survey sponsored by the pregnancy center support organization Care Net. I always look at the data. Church leaders should do the same too. Shame is not a fruit of the spirit. Anything that is not borne of the Spirit is of no advantage to a believer. Some claim Apostle Paul instructed the Corinthian church to put a man to shame for sexual immorality in 1 Corinthians 5, they always forget that all that the church did was read the letter to the hearing of the man. Apostle Paul was referring to and the man melted in remorse. Apostle Paul later told the church to restore the man to fellowship, he said the shame was not a good motivation. I agree with this wholeheartedly.

As a corrective measure in human relationships, shame is a thing that many find culturally appropriate to keep certain actions in check in this guise, shame can be of benefit but is of no spiritual value. In recent times, we saw how certain members of society weaponized shame as a tactic against Christians in order to get believers to do things that they fundamentally believe would offend God.

Protesters will carry placards and picket Christian businesses that refuse to serve the LGBTQ community. This tells you shame is a carnal weapon and not a spiritual one. Only Christians have access to the Spiritual weapons given to us in Christ. When we adopt carnal methods against children of the Spirit, we do the Spirit great harm. Well-Placed Shame Now, what about well-placed shame — namely, the kind we ought to have, at least temporarily? Paul says to the Corinthians who were doubting the resurrection, “Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame” (1 Corinthians 15:34). They ought to feel shame, he’s saying. In 1 Corinthians 6:5, when the Christians were disputing with each other and taking that dispute into the secular courts, he says, “I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers?” Or the text that Phillip, in his question, asked about: “If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter” — and these were people who were refusing to work in Thessalonica, refusing to work for a living because they thought the second coming was so near — “take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed” (2 Thessalonians 3:14). So, shame is a proper and redemptive step toward repentance and healing. We see that in the very next verse. He says, “Do not regard him as an enemy but warn him as a brother” (2 Thessalonians 3:15). In other words, the cut that you make in his skin by withdrawing your fellowship is surgery, not stabbing. So, from these examples, I conclude that well-placed shame says you should feel shame for having a hand in anything that dishonours God, no matter how strong or wise or right it may look in the eyes of men. Now, when I say that we should feel shame if it is well-placed because of our wrongdoing, I don’t mean that we should feel shame indefinitely, any more than we ought to spend the rest of our lives on the surgeon’s operating table. I call it well-placed shame because it ought to be there, but it ought not to stay there. Shame was the reason Samson chose death when he could live, you know deep down what shame can do to a man when the man is a self-made, public image who prided himself in what he has become or made of himself and depends on the value such an accomplishment gives to him or her as part of his or her social status.

Samson had no one to love him, he had no one who wouldn't care what he did or how he did it but only loved him unconditionally. The same thing happened to Judas, immediately he betrayed Jesus, he realized he had killed the only path to redemption for himself. If he had killed any other disciple, Jesus would have been the one fighting for him and ensuring that he was not unfairly judged for doing what was written of him. No other disciple had that kind of authority or knowledge so once Jesus was out of the picture, all that was left for Judas was shame and damnation. This was why he tried very hard to return the money he was paid and when that failed he committed suicide. The prodigal son didn't consider suicide, neither did Peter. The Bible says the Prodigal remembered that his father was a man of love and understanding, Peter denied the Lord without the disciples as witnesses, he didn't share with the others what he did, that way he was able to save face and interact with them without exposing himself to their bile until Jesus showed up and restored him publicly. It is best to pray for erring brethren like Jesus did than expose them to shame with the hope that it will help them find some degree of self-correction and change their ways. When church leaders don't know how to overcome evil with good, they resort to the use of weapons that are not of the spirit like SHAME!

PS: In some churches, they put the parent of an erring child to shame believing that since he is an elder he should be able to rule over his home. This leads to hypocrisy as many would rather lie or hide shameful events than report them and be exposed to shame. Shame does not make anyone live a holy life. The fear of shame however can make people pretend to have all their acts together when they really don't. There are better ways to teach Christ effectively than to use methods Jesus himself did not use while he was here. I invite you to join us. School 23 is winding down now and School 24 is now open for admission. Those who join us now can attend School 23 for the next ten days for free and learn a thing or two before making up their mind if School 24 is worth joining.

The school is a fee-paying School for those who desire to learn how to walk in Dominion https://chat.whatsapp.com/H6PoAcfUpCmGbnwdzk734Q…….

Thank you.

-GSW-