Stumbling in The light

She had always had a thing for
older men
Perhaps it was because of what
she saw in her parents' marriage 
and other marriages like it
Her mother's best friend's husband
was twelve years older than her
while her father was fifteen years
older than her mother
The two marriages were the best
she had ever seen
She had seen some crazy marriages
too
Like the marriage of her uncle and
aunt that collapsed after four years
over something so petty, everyone
around them insisted the two of them
were not telling the whole truth
The wife told the husband she was
going to visit a relative
Turns out she went to visit a friend,
a female friend whom the husband
didn't really like
Husband finds out about the deceit
and threw her out of his house
Her mother said his uncle was 
immature; she believed that to be
so too
Older men seemed to think things
through and love their spouses in
a tender way
Younger men seem to act first and
think later
Ironically, her uncle told her some
years after his divorce that he acted
hastily but he was too proud to turn
around and ask his wife to return to
him
Which was another thing immaturity
does
It never admits its wrongs and retraces
its steps
It will stick to its guns regardless of how
painful and foolish it was
For the immature it is more about the ego
than doing the right thing
It was a defining lesson and it buttressed
her conviction that the older the man
the better
Her father usually told them the stories
of his first marriage and how much hell
he went through before summoning the
courage to say enough!
Her father usually called the five years
of that marriage his years in hell
Her father was in Australia when he met
and got married to the lady
He was just a year older than her and
he felt he was in love
What her father didn't know was that
his wife was keeping an old lover by
the side
The lover was married and had his own
family somewhere in Melbourne
The lover's family accommodated his
father's first wife when she arrived in
Australia and somehow she began to
sleep with the man
She got a job and moved out of the
man's house and yet continued to
sleep with him
She met her husband and got married
and yet she wouldn't stop
Her father was studying for his Master's
and Ph.D
He stayed in school for four days a week
and spent three days at home with his
wife
They had decided to wait a while before 
starting a family
She was working at an African food store
and they were saving money towards
opening her own food store for her
Her father said he first noticed he was
in trouble when he noticed that she 
practically showed no enthusiasm 
whenever he returned home after four
days away from her and she was always
eager to get him out of the house on the
day he was to depart for campus
At first, he thought she just hadn't
settled in but it went on and on
Then she got pregnant after three
years of marriage and her father
thought things would get better
They didn't
She detested him and would cry on and 
on whenever he came around her
It was a very disturbing experience
By this time her father had almost
completed his Ph.D
He completed in the fourth year of the
marriage, the same year his wife gave
birth to the baby but her father never
saw the baby
By the time he got to the hospital, he
was slapped with a restraining order
His wife had told the hospital management
he was abusive and had threatened to
kill her and her child
It was shocking
Her father said he wasn't allowed to
take anything out of the house
He assumed his wife was experiencing
postpartum depression or a meltdown
of sorts
He went to stay with some friends and
asked everybody both at home and
abroad to pray along with him
He threw himself into a fast and the
mercies of God
Three days into the fast
The wife of the man his wife was dating
came to see him and told him the whole
truth
The baby wasn't his
His wife was too scared of how he would
react if he found out the baby belonged
to another
That was why his wife leveled all sorts
of false allegations against him
The woman said her husband told her
everything and she felt she ought to
tell him the truth so that he would not
suffer in vain
Her father said it felt like a death sentence
Eventually, he wrote to his wife
detailing what he was told and asking
her if it was true so that he can move
on
He said his wife replied after a month
that she was sorry
She also told him who the father of
the child was and how shame made 
her say those terrible things about him
without considering the consequences.
Her father said he left Australia that
year
He never saw the baby
He didn't even know how his wife and 
her married lover resolved the issue
He just needed to getaway
He felt he needed to start all over
in a country where he wouldn't have
to deal with all the mess created by
the chain of unfaithfulness, deceit
and cowardice
It took him another ten years to find
and marry her mother
They met at a conference
They were both lecturers
He was forty and she was twenty-five
She never saw her parents argue or
fight
Her father made his own food when
he got home from work sometimes
and he did it without grumbling about 
his wife's lack of domestic ability
Her mother paid the bills sometimes
and did it without labeling her husband
as irresponsible
Her parents had a unique and fluid
marriage that made her happy and 
joyful
She convinced herself that she had 
found the recipe for a good marriage
When she shared her convictions with
a friend
Her friend laughed and said marrying
a dinosaur had it's downside
For the young and sexually driven woman
a dinosaur might not be able to do the
hard work required for satisfaction on
the bed
Her friend told her tales of older men 
dying while sleeping with younger ladies
due to the use of drugs that took a toll
on their hearts
She never saw things from that angle
before
Her mother never complained of being
unsatisfied sexually by her father but
she couldn't really tell how her parent's
sexual relationship was
(She couldn't summon the courage
to ask her mother)
But it really didn't matter that much to
her, she had made up her mind
She would just marry a dinosaur and
be done with it
She started the journey when she was 
in 100 level in the university
While her mates were dating guys in 
200 level and 300 level, she started
sleeping with a 500 level medical
student
She was more like his baby
He was way older and more matured
than she was
He taught her quite a lot and she was
a very willing student
The relationship lasted a year
He graduated and she was alone
She had to wait until she was doing her
internship at a law firm in 300 level
to meet someone else
A lawyer who was so handsome that
he made her feel dizzy from the inside
She started sleeping with him too
it lasted three months
When she got back to school, she
called his number one evening and
his wife picked
What his wife told her burnt her
ears for weeks
She learned a bitter lesson from that
experience
Most of the men in the age range she
had set her eyes on were married
Fifteen to twenty years age difference
is quite a lot
Even her father was divorced by the
time he met her mother in the eighties
but she couldn't readjust her lens
She was determined to keep away
from the immature guys who treated
ladies like ragdolls
She graduated and met a guy
He was divorced with a guy
He was a politician
They met at a club late one evening
She never expected anything to come
out of it
By then she had met so many men
of the age range, she desired
They were all married
She slept with some and walked away
from some
Some told her they were married
at the beginning
All had a sad tale to tell about their
marriages
All were unwilling to leave their wives
She found some interesting and
engaging enough
Especially the ones she had set her
heart to be with even before they 
told her they wanted to be with her
She was the kind of girl who chose
who to mate with and does not allow
herself to be chosen by anybody
But what she was doing built for her
a certain reputation
Men talk
Promiscuous married men talk a lot
The guy chatted her up and invited
her over to his house
He was in that age range and she
was in the mood but instead of taking
her to a hotel, he took her home
It was the first time a guy did that
He took her home
She saw with her eyes that he was
single
He was once married
The marriage ended badly
He had a five years old daughter
He was gentle and caring and 
mature
She realized she had finally hit
the jackpot
He was the one she had been 
looking for as she  was jumping 
from bed to bed
He was clear about his intentions
She told him the truth too, that
she had been with some men
but was not into anything serious
or personal
She was ashamed to tell him how
far she had gone and how many men
she had been with with
Body count is a pile of rubbish
If he loved her, what does that matter?
She had always been extremely
careful in her dealings with men
She rarely had unprotected sex
And when she did, it was always
with someone she had been with
before and really trusted to have
exercised good judgment on such
things
(She sometimes slept with the 
same person twice or thrice, like
a series of one night stands but
not really a relationship)
She was twenty-five 
She had been sexually active since
16 and she was shopping for a home
among the very married and very
matured guys
It was a tough life
She had been offered a ring three
times
Once by an Alhaji who wanted to make
her a third wife
She told her mother about it and her
mother said "You know you can do 
better than that" 
So she turned it down
Everything in her told her he was the
one
She stopped going to club after she
met him
She couldn't stop him from going
but she was sure the likeliness of
stories from her sexual escapades
surfacing in her absence would be
minimal
She just wanted to give him a chance
to know her and make up his own 
mind before his desire got polluted
by the opinion of other men
He called her phone all day
They chatted and chatted
She would take five "seconds" video
of herself and post to him
He would do the same
He took her home after a month
His mother accepted her
His father accepted her
His child, a six-year-old boy accepted
her
She took him home too
Her parents were overjoyed
She was finally going to settle down
The relationship changed her way
of thinking
She stopped hoarding the phone 
number of many men waiting for the
day they can be useful to her
She deleted  so many messages and
blocked many contacts
She was determined to clean up her
acts
Healthwise she was very fine
Her parents insisted on her medical
check-up quarterly since she had
a scare with high blood pressure at
the age of twenty-two
She had never been pregnant and 
had never had an abortion
She was ready psychologically and
mentally for the leap
She knew he would hear about
her from someone
She wasn't naive
So she prepared his heart carefully
by being deliberately faithful and 
accountable
Whenever he called her, she would
cut the call and do video call
She wanted him to see where she 
was and who she was with
It was a psychological thing and
it worked
The relationship continued into its
second-year without much mishap
Her scent on the club and sex trail
had waned
They started talking about a proper
engagement and settling down
Then she received a call
From a lady who claimed to be his
girlfriend
The lady had done some research on
her and spoke to her harshly
The lady called her all sorts of names
It was horrible
At it being it happened before she
met him and cleaned up her acts,
she wouldn't have been perturbed
but she had worked hard for a whole
year and the insults sunk in badly
Had he been married, it would have
been understandable
He was single and they were an item
She cried all night
No man had ever made her do that
She had never ever been that
vulnerable with anybody
It was a terrible day
The next day, she had to go out with
her boss to do some marketing 
They went to see the manager of a
multinational
It was a very fruitful meeting
As soon as she got to the office, the
man called her and invited her to
his hotel to close the deal
She was not a child, she knew
the invitation was a come and 
sleep with me deal
She also knew saying no politely
wouldn't compromise the deal
The deal was practically in the bag
and her company had gotten the 
initial deposit 
She wasn't thinking straight at all
She tried calling her man but he
was at a political function somewhere
and didn't pick his calls
She slept off like 6pm 
Her phone rang at around 8pm
It was the man
He made her laugh a little and
asked when she was coming
She jumped out of bed and was on
her way within thirty minutes
When she got to his room, he didn't
waste any time
She just wanted to get even
She had given everything for a
relationship and had been badly
burnt
She couldn't cede control to a man
and get so horribly burnt by it
Men are scum and unreliable
She was far happier sleeping around
than being fateful to a he-goat
She justified her actions and drowned
her guilt in excuses
They were together till 2AM
When the man was spent, he slept
off
She showered, wore her clothes
and left by herself
She got home around 3AM
She slept till 6AM and started 
preparing herself for the day
By 7AM her man arrived at her house
He had seen her calls and messages
and drove all night from Kano in 
order to see her before she left for
the office
He told her the call was from his
ex-wife
The toxic lady had been pulling the
same trick on every lady he had met
since they got divorced
She remembered he told her so at the
beginning when she was telling him
about herself
She had told him then she wouldn't
be shaken by the threat of any 
woman as long as she knows he is
with her and remained faithful
He even made her promise but the
call didn't come at that time
She had totally forgotten about his
warning when she got the call
It was an upsetting call but somehow
she had taken it to heart and vexed
her soul for nothing
He was not cheating on her
It was a prank that his ex wife
pulled
He even showed her the whatsapp
chat exchanges between himself
and his ex-wife to support his claim
Wow!
She had overreacted but nobody 
needed to know
She told him she had forgiven and
forgotten the matter
She was very sorry
Just then some police officers
arrived at her house
They said she was being invited over
to the police station for questioning
He was as perplexed as she was
She called her parents
he called some of his political
contacts
She had no idea what was going on
He followed her to the police station
The DPO was waiting for them
She was asked about the man she
was with throughout the night
The man had died in the hotel room
The CCTV caught her entering the
man's room at 8pm
The man opened the door of the
room for her and was clearly seen to
be well and alive
The CCTV caught leaving the
man's room around 2AM
The man was not seen with her
The man's time of death tallied with
her time of departure
She was a person of interest in the
investigation into his possible murder
What!
She was asked so many questions
Did you have sex together?
Did you see him taking pills?
Do you have any pill on you?
How many rounds of sex did you have
Was he breathing when you left?
Why didn't he see you off?
She answered as truthfully as she 
could
She spent the whole day in the police
station
By the time she was bailed that evening
and told to be reporting to the station
every day until the case is closed, she
knew she had tempted fate and lost
in a big way
He didn't even say goodbye
As soon as they left the police station,
she started to cry
He didn't a word
He drove her to her parent's house,
told them to watch her because he
suspected she was not in the right
frame of mind and needed some care
By the time she looked back to tell
him how sorry she was, he was long
gone
As she watched the tail light of his
car fade into the night, she realized 
the relationship was over
He was never going to call or relate
with her again
She was right.

PS: The heartbreak led her to the 
brother in Jeans and T-shirt
She was wondering if God can 
intervene in any way and bring him
back to her
She really loved him and would want
to make it work
The brother in Jeans and T-shirt 
told her she lacked the vital 
ingredient necessary for genuine
change
It can never be by power or might
it can never be by sheer determination
Change can only be by the power of
the Holy Spirit through salvation
in the name of Jesus Christ
She got it
She gave her life to Christ and 
The Holy Spirit did His work of 
conversion
Her man never came back
One year and eleven months after she
was cleared of any complicity in the
death of the man who died of cardiac
arrest after sleeping with her
She met her own husband
A french flutist and writer who came
to minister at the Christmas carol 
service of her church
He was twelve years older than her
and had never been married
They courted for seven months and
got married at Ikoyi Registry in Lagos
This time, there was no sense of
"I am changing for him or I am 
sacrificing my freedom to be with him"
She had been renewed in her thinking
The change was from inside out.

GSW's notes: I have a Sister in Enugu
who i particularly wanted to read this
She should be en-route to Bayelsa by
now
There are things you say in English
There are things you say in tongues
and yet there are lessons you teach
by mirroring the past and adjusting
the course of a life as needed
Chiboy's side chick, when you see
this, remember you are destined for
more than carnal pleasure and self.
Christ desires that we all be as He is
in words and thoughts and in-deed
This is why we were given the mind
of Christ.
I know His plan for you, I will see you
become all that had been said of you
by word of prophecy in the name of
Jesus.
I love you, dear sister, with all my heart.

This is a call to my brothers and
sisters who are stumbling in the light
to awake and become aware of where
they are.
You cannot be in Christ and live like
one who is in the world
"You are of God, little children... "
wrote Apostle John
He had to say that because sometimes
little children get disoriented and do 
not know where they are
With their eyes closed, they cry and 
stumble and fight imaginary demons
but a mother's soothing voice reminds
them they are safe
Just as I am writing this today
"You are in the light, open your eyes
and walk in the light! Be the light!
Forsake the deeds of darkness
Darkness is no longer your nature
You are now light.