Forgive

Forgiveness is not optional 

She said:

The tortoise was once accused of being too slow
It replied, 'I have no home to hurry to'
But she has a home and she was in a hurry
Her flight from Abuja to Lagos was delayed 
4 hours till 9 pm
She sent him a Whatsapp message immediately

Her flight landed at 11 pm
Called his number, it was switched off
She took a cab
She got home, used her keys to let herself in
She checked the children's room first
Her boys were asleep
She smiled

She got to her room
She saw him and a lady
On her bed
She stood there for a few minutes, 
calmed herself
She went back to the sitting room and 
laid on the couch

She didn't let her mind wander at all
She had always suspected that he was 
cheating
She had convinced herself she knows 
too much about the ways of men to be 
bothered
Men are polygamous by nature
But on her matrimonial bed?

Morning came, they emerged from 
the room
He came out first
He saw her and missed a step
She came out, dressed
She recognized the lady
She is one of the backing vocalists in 
his music band
The lady didn't miss a step
She just left

She wanted to avoid a fight
But her blood was boiling
The blatant desecration of her home, 
her bed
The psychological effect it will have 
on her boys
He watched her closely, expecting 
thunder to strike
Her children rushed out of the room
'Mummy' 'Mummy' They chorused
She chose to spare them such a scene

He took it as a license, her silence
He assumed it was a tacit endorsement
Once she dropped his car in the lady's 
house
He said she needed to use it 
She didn't say a word
She delivered her baby, another boy
They christened the baby
He disappeared

He didn't leave a note or a forwarding 
address
His phone number was switched off
She had been abandoned in the fifth 
year of her marriage
Abandoned with three children
She didn't say a word
When people ask after him, she tells 
them he has traveled
She was just numb

His mother came six months later
She told her everything
What! And you kept quiet! You this girl!!!!
His mother called the entire family
They searched
They found him, cohabiting with the 
backing vocalist
Emissaries went after him, the church too
His dog refused to yield to the siren

That was when she began to cry
He had always been a cheat, 
When they were friends he used to share 
his escapades with her
She knows at least three of his babes 
graced their wedding
But he had always come home to her
He had always come home

Friends came to her with suggestions
Let us destroy him totally
Let us arrest him
Let us report him to a sorcerer, let them 
cast a spell on him
She ignored them all
Raising three children all by herself is hell
Rent, school fees, feeding, everything
But she braved it, fueled by a bitter heart

He said:
Music is a strange beast
Sometimes it comes to you by itself
Sometimes someone brings music to you
My wife understands this
She is the source of so many of my 
songs
But then the music stopped coming
And i got bored of playing the same 
old songs

When i was single, all i did was chase 
the music
Ladies inspire me, so i chase the skirts 
with the music
I rode the wave of my wife's absence
Trying to feed off the pain of her absence 
to write a song
My backing vocalist heard me struggling
She sat down and composed the song 
with me
It was the music that led to what she saw

Her silence drove me crazy
i could see in her eyes that she was 
very angry
I felt she would need time to cool off
She didn't cool off
She was angry everyday and she kept 
silent
I know one day she would boil over 
and kill me!
So i ran
I ran to my backing vocalist

I thought she would initiate a sort of 
reconciliation
Get to say her mind and relieve the 
tension
She didn't
One month, two months, one year
My backing vocalist got pregnant
Everything got complicated
Why was she so stubborn?
I would have run home if she reached out
She didn't

She said:
Things got very tough
i started having health challenges
It was as if the weight of the whole world 
was on my shoulder
I was feeling physically weighed down
I went to the hospital, tests were done, 
i was dying
I told a friend, she said 'Call your 
husband's name out loud and shout I 
forgive you'
Say it and mean it otherwise your 
children will be motherless

I cried in agony, I wept bitterly
I hated him, i wished him all the evil 
in the world
I would have done anything to see him 
roast in hell
I called his name, I shouted 'I forgive you'
I called the backing vocalist's name, i 
shouted 'I forgive you'

That night I slept like a baby
My breathing became normal, my heart 
stable
I was discharged the next day
Help came from many unexpected quarters
Two weeks later, he came home

He said:
MY backing vocalist suddenly didn't want 
to have a baby
Without asking for my permission she had 
an abortion
An abortion!
I hated her for doing that, you know, 
killing my baby
She said it was her decision, she is not 
my wife
i said 'That is true', and walked away

When i got home she wasn't at home
She came later in the day
She greeted me as if i was never away
It was as if she knew i would be there
My parents and her parents came around
I begged her
She cried
She forgave

That night I gave her my HIV status result
I didn't expect her to jump in bed with me
But i wanted her to know I am open to it
She didn't say a word
Sunday came, I followed her to church
The choir sang, the melodies came

It was sweet delirious music
It was absolutely divine, i didn't hear a 
word of the sermon
I turned and saw the source of the Music
Jesus! I exclaimed
That was all, i cried and cried
I have found the Music that can never fade

Their Story
She: It was that moment in church that 
God answered my prayers
He cried for hours even after service
He had encountered JESUS
I couldn't wait for the children to sleep 
that night
We made great music together
Nine months later, I gave birth to Obianuju, 
our last child

Colossians 3:13 CEV
“Put up with each other, and forgive 
anyone who does you wrong, just as 
Christ has forgiven you.”

Forbearing one another, and forgiving 
one another, if any man have a quarrel 
against any: even as Christ forgave you, 
so also do ye (Colossians 3:13).

A lady died of cancer because she wouldn’t 
forgive her husband, who was living wild 
and wouldn’t go to Church. 
If he did go for a Sunday service, everyone 
rejoiced and considered it a miracle. 
She wouldn’t stop worrying over her 
husband and holding grudges against him; 
that was the reason for the cancer.
Now, she didn’t die of cancer because 
cancer was a great enemy. 
No, she died of cancer because she just 
didn’t let the cancer go; the cancer was 
the unforgiveness that she harboured in 
her heart. Understand something about 
forgiveness; it’s a tool; a marvellous tool 
for your own happiness. 
You don’t forgive others because they 
were so wrong, and you were so right; 
it’s got nothing to do with right and wrong. 
Rather, it’s something you do for your own 
happiness; it’s in your interest to bear no 
grudge or be bitter against anyone.
I’m aware that we could sometimes be 
badly hurt through the callous actions of 
others.
Nonetheless, holding on to the pain and 
grudge of such experiences can only 
wound your emotions further and cause 
damage to your spiritual life. 
To be unforgiving is to allow circumstances 
rob you of your joy in life, but forgiveness 
is a tool for happiness.
Never resent others for what they did to you; 
learn to forgive.
Don’t even wait for them to apologise. 
Let the love of God in your heart, not an 
apology from those who wrong you, be 
your inspiration for forgiving their faults. 
Let God’s essence within you flow out 
like a stream as you relate with others 
in love.
Maintain a forgiving heart all the time and 
you’ll live a happy and excited life and 
continually enjoy the pleasantness in 
other people.
Most unhappy people have something 
in common: resentments they’re unwilling 
to let go of. 
The lady mentioned above was constantly 
distressed by her husband’s wild lifestyle 
and his refusal to go to church. 
She held deep grudges against him for this, 
and that became the root of the cancer 
that ravaged her body and caused her 
premature death. 
She died of cancer simply because she 
wouldn’t forgive her husband.
Though she wanted the best for her 
husband, she went about it the wrong way. 
People can sometimes feel badly hurt 
because of the callous actions of others. 
Nonetheless, holding on to the pain and 
grudge of such experiences can only 
wound your emotions further and cause 
damage in your body, just like it did with 
this lady.

You’re not supposed to resent others for 
what they do to you. Learn to forgive 
instead. 
You don’t even have to wait for them to 
apologise. 
Let God’s love that’s shed abroad in your 
heart be the compelling force for forgiving 
people’s faults, not necessarily their 
apology. 
Let God’s essence within you flow out 
like a stream as you win others in love. 
To be unforgiving is to allow circumstances 
rob you of your joy in life. 
Once you can maintain a forgiving heart, 
you’ll not only live a happy and exciting 
life, you’ll continually enjoy the 
pleasantness in other people.

Then came Peter to him, and said, 
Lord, how oft shall my brother sin 
against me, and I forgive him? 
till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, 
I say not unto thee, Until seven times: 
but, Until seventy times seven 
(Matthew 18:21-22).
Forgiving others of their wrong isn’t 
an option for a child of God. 
If you ever have an issue with anyone, 
whether your brothers and sisters in 
the Lord, or with outsiders, don’t let it 
go beyond that day. 
The Bible says, “…Don’t let the sun 
go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26).

But what if you forgive them and they 
wrong you again the next day? 
You’ll have to forgive again. 
That’s what we read in our opening 
scripture. Jesus said we’re to forgive 
others “seventy times seven” times, 
in response to Peter’s question. 
That number symbolizes boundlessness. 
And these things were written for our 
learning, for our admonition. 
In essence, Jesus was saying, 
“Forgive, no matter how many times 
someone offends you,” because you 
have enough capacity to forgive.
If Christ Jesus forgave you, why should 
there be anything too much for you to 
forgive? The Bible says, “Put up with 
each other, and forgive anyone who 
does you wrong, just as Christ has 
forgiven you” (Colossians 3:13 CEV). 
Someone may say, “I’ll never forgive 
so- and-so, because what he did 
was so terrible”; no! Not when you’re 
born again. 
We have the nature of God to forgive. 
This is why forgiveness is imperative; 
it’s not a piece of advice. 
You must always forgive, and quickly too. 
Let God’s love in your heart flow 
through you lavishly.

Forgive and forget is an oft-repeated 
piece of advice with biblical origins. 
Although it might seem trite, there's 
a reason this little phrase still gets 
uttered so often. 
There's true wisdom in forgiving and 
forgetting. 
When someone really hurts you, you 
may question whether you want to 
forgive someone; it may, in fact, seem 
utterly unnatural. 
But there are many reasons why it's 
sometimes better to forgive and forget, 
even if part of you doesn't want to. 
Here are just a few of them.

Forgiveness doesn't condone their actions.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean what 
happened was OK, and it doesn’t mean 
that person should still be welcome in 
your life. (Your boundaries still matter, 
and grudges can be part of forgiving.)
It means that you've made peace with 
the pain, and you are ready to let it go.
"There was a reason you came together, 
and there's a reason you are moving apart, 
acknowledge the good, the bad, and the 
beautiful from your time together and 
know that it all served an important 
purpose in both of your lives."

Forgiveness is not for other people.
Forgiveness is not something we do 
for others⁠—it's something we do for 
ourselves.
Not forgiving someone is the equivalent 
of staying trapped in a jail cell of 
bitterness, serving time for someone 
else's crime. "It's a mixture of anger, 
depression, and blame. But most of all, 
the opposite of forgiveness is stagnation,
 It is getting mired in an emotional 
place regarding a particular incident, 
and it prohibits future growth and 
discovery. ... 
There's a common saying: Not forgiving 
someone is like slowly poisoning yourself 
and secretly hoping the other person dies."
You make the choice to either dwell on 
the pain caused by others, or you can 
forgive and move on.

Forgiveness is a sign of strength.
The weak can never forgive. 
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." 
It takes a strong person to face pain 
head-on, forgive, and release it.
"Your ability to forgive someone often 
has little to do with that person or 
what they did," 
Hallett says. "Merriam-Webster 
defines forgiveness as 'to cease to feel 
resentment against an offender' or 'to 
give up resentment of or claim to requital.' 
It's an internal state of being, and it's not 
dependent on anyone but you. 
The only person in control of your 
thoughts, feelings, and actions—and 
the only one who can make a shift 
occur—is you."

We also deserve forgiveness.
Our inability to forgive others can 
stem from an inability to forgive ourselves. 
The lack of acceptance for others may 
even fuel a lack of acceptance for ourselves.
Others deserve forgiveness, just like we do.

Forgiveness is healing.
"When we hold onto resentment, 
grievance, shame, guilt, or pain from the 
past, our entire body-mind suffers, ultimately 
forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. 
We can benefit from forgiving even if the 
person we forgive isn’t aware of our 
feelings or is even no longer alive."
To forgive someone is the highest, most 
beautiful form of love. 
You might just find that you get a sense 
of peace and happiness in return.

CONFESSION
The love of God is shed abroad in my 
heart by the Holy Spirit; that love 
mantles my heart and mind, causing me 
to see others as God sees them. 
There’s no one and there’s no wrong 
I can’t forgive. 
I have the capacity to absolve others 
of their faults, and demonstrate the 
God-nature in me; the nature of love, 
through my words and actions, in 
Jesus’ Name. Amen.