Waiting for Godot

She was rooting for a divorce 
because she was not happy
in the marriage
Her husband too was rooting
for a divorce
He was tired of the marriage too
He couldn't say so directly
It would mess everything up
He was hoping to play along
tactlessly until she pressed the
eject button
As soon as she was out, he would
be able to close his door and
heave a sigh of relief
She was one of those women
with severe internal damage
but it masked when they were
courting
She was often mildly depressed,
in fact, he heard the sentence
 "I was mildly depressed" from
her when they were dating!
She attributed the depression
to her inability to have a stable
relationship all her life until she
met him!
They met and he expected the
depression to go away
It didn't!
Those early days, she would sometimes
lock herself in the room and sleep
or cry the depression out
She understood sorrow and would
wallow in it for many days
She would just look for a reason, any
reason not to be happy
No matter how many good things
were going on around her
She was always moody and sad
Her husband found this a puzzle
Why would a spirit-filled Christian
always be unhappy
This was a woman who became a
believer even before him
The Holy Spirit was supposed to
be a spirit of joy welling within the 
heart and belly of the believer
Joy was supposed to spring forth
from within a believer
No believer has a right to be unhappy
or sad
The fruits of the Holy Spirit were 
supposed to be “But the fruit of the 
Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, 
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 
gentleness and self-control. 
Against such things there is no law.” 
(Galatians 5:22-23)
So what was all the "I am Born Again"
proclamations for if the fruits of the
Holy Spirit is not evident in your life?
His wife erred more on the side of the
works of the flesh
She was a specialist in enmities, 
strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, and 
envy!
She always had someone trying to
undermine her in the office or
sabotage her in the church
or vilify her in the neighbourhood
She thrives on the negative, that
was who she was
The problem was her insistence that
as her husband, he must be in her
corner always
Whenever she told him stories of supposed
enemies in her office, he would find a
way to defuse her thoughts by presenting
alternative scenarios and possibilities.
She would say "Why are you always
choosing to be against me?
If i say this, you will say that
You are never on my side
You don't love me!
How can you love somebody and
be against such all the time!
Even in normal discussions between
couples, her husband would try very
hard to save her from herself!
When they were still courting
she had a clash with another lady
in her office that almost led to
fisticuffs!
Her husband saw these things at
the time and believed them to be
weaknesses the word of God and
a better understanding of the 
gospel could cure
He was wrong!
She was not unaware of her own
weaknesses
She would boldly confess that she
was jealous by nature
Even after the Bible clearly stated
that jealous people will not reign
with Christ in His kingdom!
Her husband will show her the scripture
she would retort by saying "God is
her father and God is a jealous God"
She gloried in her negative feelings
That was where her husband drew 
the line
He doesn't know how not to be joyful
The Holy Spirit is alive and active
in him
He couldn't even hold on to a grudge
for a day
His wife could bring back some wrong
someone did to her ten years ago
without missing a beat
Her life was an accumulation of faults,
wrongs and pains
His life was an accumulation of the
eruption of joy and wonders of the
Holy Spirit
Even he wondered why she was so 
unaffected by his atmosphere of glory
So many others came to his river to
drink and be transformed
She was resistant to it
She was always looking to the next
external achievement to give her joy
It was a classic undoing of the fool
"The new job, the new baby, the new
academic achievement, the new car, 
the new phone, the new promotion,
the new this and the new that"
His wife got all the new things he 
could think of
She remained as sad as ever
What was supposed to come from within
couldn't be sourced from outside
He knew this and often drummed it
in her ears
But she remained unchanged!
Of course, it created a big gulf between
them
Joy by its nature draws people near
Sorrow by its nature isolates
Joy on its wings carries one above
Sorrow buries one beneath
She refused to rise
And he refused to sink
It became a problem
Suddenly he was the problem of her
life
He was the one that was not making 
her happy
He was the one busy transforming
the life of others but leaving her
to suffocate in the toxic waste of
her own making
Joy and happiness has always been
a choice
When he was poor, she balmed the
poverty
When he became rich, she blamed
wealth
When he was jobless, she blamed
him for sitting on his hands
When he was employed, she
blamed the lack of time
When he spoke his mind, he was
against her
When he kept quiet, he was 
unresponsive
He suggested therapy, she said she
was not sick
She would sometimes want to get
the children involved in her wallow game
He resisted that
He sincerely hoped none of his children
will turn out to be a fruitcake like her
She told him he was a cross she didn't
want to bear
He agreed with her
He was willing to dance "Palongo" just
to encourage her to file for divorce
He was tired
She said it often
"There is somebody out there who
can make me happy, why am i stuck
here with you! 
You are not concerned
about my happiness. 
You don't care"
At first, he tried to explain
to her that just as a promotion at work, 
a juicy contract, a new car, travels abroad, 
more money, a Master's degree
new clothes and shoes etc didn't
make her happy over the years
A new husband would also make 
her miserable
but he felt it would be best if she
left to find that out for herself
He was praying and waiting
Nobody ought to beat such a burden
for a lifetime
They had been together for ten years
He had tried
He wanted her to get her heart desire
But he couldn't press the "eject button"
He was just waiting for her to push
herself out the door
They have had counseling sessions 
over the years
Pastors, friends, and relatives often
take a look at the situation and profer
a solution
All of them lost their respects to her
after such a session
He found them to be on the side of
her husband
She resents them for not tearing her
husband down
She would cry and lament about how
life was unfair to the woman
Why were they telling me to "snap out"
of it
Why were they not telling him the truth
He was the evil one
He was happy without me
If I walk out of the marriage, I am sure
he wouldn't even miss me
He was so lost in His God
Why did he marry?
He should have remained single and 
let me wallow in my singlehood too
She would lament and "swell" up
in anger
That was another thing about her
She was so selfish, there was no grain
of gratitude in her
Despite swimming in the abundance of
everything
Good health, good marriage with a faithful
and responsible husband, healthy children,
her own house and home, a good career,
a good life, everything many are crying
to God to bless them with
She was still miserable
Pushed by a wandering spirit
Seeking an oasis while dwelling in a river
A wrecking ball waiting for Godot

PS: When I listened to the voice note
that birthed this story
I was in tears
I have seen this before
I have seen it several times
Supposedly happily married ladies
who suddenly grew restless in their
homes because of a "phantom"
feelings of a greener pasture 
elsewhere
I know how the story will end too
If she does not sort out the
lack within
She would continue to follow
the scent of water until she
allows the living water to break forth
through her!

GSW's note: It is called cognitive 
dissonance
The state of having inconsistent 
thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, 
especially as relating to behavioural 
decisions and attitude change.
You must allow the word of God to
be your truth
You must eschew the deeds of the
flesh
As bile destroys the whole meat,
and a dead fly causes the anointing
oil to stink, pandering to the flesh
causes the blessings of God in your
life to lose their importance
If you lose what He gave you, like
the prodigal son, He will forever love
you but you may not get your
Inheritance back

Make your decision wisely!