What Age Can Take

She was a very humble member of the church

She was single, in her late thirties and she was very diligent in her duties

She has a genuine love for her team

She does not slack when given a leadership position, and she goes to bat for every member of her team

When it comes to prayers, she would pray her heart out and when it comes to giving, she gave all of herself

The church committee observed her for several months and made her the leader of the sister’s fellowship

She rose like a meteor

She led with fierce determination to ensure that the ministry grows not only in number but also in-depth

The pastor of the church observed her for over two years

He was single, never married, and convinced himself this lady would make a very good wife for him because of her contribution to the ministry and to those around her.

He told her of his intentions to marry her.

She told him immediately that he had made a mistake.

She said “I am not the kind of person you were supposed to ask to marry you because it will build expectations in me and expectations are very powerful once I have them. They will lead to demand and demands will lead to pressure and pressure will now lead to complaints and a break-up.

I know what I am talking about. I know what I am saying

I am the kind of woman you date without stating your intentions or expectations ahead, you know, like “Let us see where it leads us or let us see where it goes kind of girl”

The pastor was confused: He thought every lady demanded to know the intention of a man who comes into their space acting friendly.

He didn’t want to be misunderstood

She told him not to fret, she was only stating what was on her mind freely because she knew herself, but she could manage the expectations and other feelings that come with it.

She told him she would really like to be his wife, but she would like them to take some time to get to know each other better.

She told him about his ex, who he was, and why they never got married. He was an older man who loved her with all his being and tolerated all her excesses. She wanted a younger version of this man, had he been just a few years older than her, she would have gotten married to him without a second thought.

He told her about his previous attempts at getting married too and why it seemed so difficult for him to find the right match because some ladies just wanted to land him as their jackpot into a soft life. He wanted more from marriage than being an ATM machine.

They started courting, and the pastor began to see what she meant by expectations and pressure.

The Sunday after they began to officially court, she arrived in church an hour after service had started wearing make-up that made her look like a masquerade from another planet. She had never ever been late for church service before.

What was the issue?

She wanted to make sure all the other ladies in the church knew who their “mama” was. She carried her shoulder so high that her neck was almost falling off her shoulder as she walked into the church.

The pastor was on the altar, and he saw it. It was disgusting

This was not the lady he saw and felt led to talk to about marriage. This was a totally different person. It was as if his proposal had driven her crazy.

The pastor ignored the direction where she was seated throughout the service. He knew if he looked her way, he would somehow say something like “Sister so and so, why are you behaving like a cockerel?”

He knew that would be like she publicly humiliated her, and it would lead to a fight, but it was something he would gladly say to any lady in the church who dressed and behaved the way she did.

Later that evening, while they were having dinner at a restaurant, he asked her why she came to church late.

She said she was getting her make-up done.

He asked her why it took her almost an hour to get her make-up done.

She said because she will soon be the number one lady of the church and cannot afford to look shabby or ordinary anymore.

He reminded her that it was her simplicity and gentle spirit that drew him to her.

She told him the simple and gentle woman he was attracted to will be displayed in the bedroom, she would not be one of those pastor’s wives who would look older than their husbands in pictures and videos because they were not paying attention to fashion trends and their looks

She told him to get used to it.

The following Sunday, she arrived on time. Still heavily made up but with a stinking attitude that caught the attention of almost everybody in the church.

After the service, one of the married men in the church approached the pastor and said “Sir, be advising our sisters not to be so arrogant, especially when, they have someone asking them out. I have noticed that when they are single and trusting God for a partner most of them are approachable, friendly, all smiles, and easy to interact with but the moment they are dating someone, especially if that person is rich or popular or has an important position in the society. They will become puffed up like a toad and any average observer would see that their status had changed unofficially”.

The pastor asked the brother to whom he was referring and the person pointed at her. The pastor pretended not to have noticed the change in her demeanor in the past few weeks.

Later that evening, while they were having dinner again at a public restaurant, he brought up her mannerisms and made the mistake of stating that a certain person walked up to him to share his observation.

She went berserk: “Who was he to make that sort of observation about me?

Do I talk to him?

Am I at his level?

Is it because he is married, and I am not?

What gave him that audacity? Am I, his mate? Did he think it was the me of yesterday that he could talk to or about anyhow?

Why did you not shut him up?

Is this the kind of husband you will make?

A man who everybody will be talking about his wife while he would keep quiet and not defend her honor. You even had the temerity to bring the observation to me? As how?

Who do you think you are? We are not married yet and you are already showing me how weak you are?

I don’t like weak men. I can never be with a weak man in my life.

What he brought up as an observation had turned into a full-blown fight! It took him several days to placate her. The following Sunday she didn’t come to church at all. When he asked her why, she said “So that your jobless observers can point their satellite dishes elsewhere”

He decided not to bring up the topic of her church attendance or attitude while in church again. There was no point flogging the issue. She had shown her hands, and it would be up to him to play the right cards or fold.

A few months later, one of her cousins was getting married. She invited him. They had not told anyone officially that they were dating, so he attended as “her” pastor. She invited several church members too and they all graced the occasion. While she was busy with guests and family members at the event. He interacted with the members of the church who attended. They talked and laughed and ate at the same table.

Later that evening, she came to his house and told him categorically that she did not think their relationship could work.

He asked her why:

She said she did not like the way he interacted with the church members without making it obvious that she invited him to the party, and he was supposed to be up and about with her at the party as she intended.

He was confused.

“We agreed that we would not make it obvious we were seeing each other yet until we are both comfortable announcing our engagement. This was your idea. I totally agree with it. You invited me to a wedding, and I attended. I met people I knew there, and we interacted and now you are angry that I didn’t leave them to serve tables with you and play meet the family during the wedding?”

She said “The fact that you didn’t understand me right now, proves that you are not mature enough to get married”

He said “I don’t want to be married to you anymore. I am calling this relationship quits”

She said “Fine” and stormed out of his apartment.

He said “Fine”, locked his door, and took a nap.

Later that evening, she sent a long message accusing him of not really interested in marrying her but only leading her on so that the very first mistake she made, he called everything off

He replied to her by reminding her that loving someone and marrying someone are two different things. You can love someone and find the person unfit to get married to. He told her he really loves her, but the past five months of their “argumentative” relationship had proved to him that they cannot work out as a couple.

She told him she was the least troublesome woman he would ever meet in today’s world

He told her she would meet the right man who would be a perfect fit for her. In his opinion, he was simply not the one.

The day after they broke up, she went to select members of the church to report the issue to them

“Your pastor dated me and encouraged me to keep it a secret, only for him to break up the relationship at the slightest error in judgment on my part. He wasted several months of my time and led me on. How can he do that and get away with it? Who will fight for me and defend me? I feel so used. I feel so abused. I feel groomed and taken advantage of. Did he expect me to be some lady who cannot hold an opinion? Did he expect me to be some village girl he could just raise her hope and then dash it at will? Did he think I would not fight back or just accept this and not fight back? I am not a simpleton. I will not take this lying low. I am prepared to go to war and even kill myself if it comes to it. argggghhhhhhh!”

The select people she reached out to call the pastor to ask him what happened.

The pastor told them it was not their business.

Finding a wife was his business, attending a wedding was their business and the marriage itself is the business of himself and his wife.

As long as he had not invited them to a wedding or announced an engagement to them, whatever they heard was not theirs to hear.

He reached out to her and asked her why she was going about telling stories about them

She said, “I can’t allow you to get married to someone else, if you do so, I will have to leave the church because everybody would now think I am the one with the problem and that is a stigma that will most likely mark me for life in that church. Who would want to marry your ex? And you are the pastor? No. You will have to marry me or wait till I get married before you get married.”

He reminded her that she was the one who decided to start broadcasting the fact that they dated, and that he had called off the relationship. Nobody knew they dated, and therefore nobody would have tagged her as she said or stigmatized her because they didn’t end up together as a couple. Creating an artificial problem and then forcing him to solve that problem was a form of gaslighting, he told her he would not fall for it.

She then demanded money:

A compensation for her time which he wasted by not marrying her.

He laughed and cut off the call.

PS: She got married to her ex.

Before she met the pastor, she had been in a long-term relationship that didn’t work out because of their age difference. The man was in his early fifties, and she was in her late thirties. She didn’t marry him because he was previously married and widowed. She wanted someone younger than him but slightly older than her. The pastor was forty-two years old.

She also wanted someone who was accomplished so that they wouldn’t have to struggle financially. The man had been very generous to her while they were dating and so was the pastor.

After the relationship with the pastor ended, she went back to her ex and asked if he still had room in his heart for her. He had always loved her, and he got married to her six months later.

The pastor also got married. He met his wife in Suriname when he went there for some missionary work. His wife was a fresh convert who loved church and the people of God and had not grown to the point where she would be influenced by their opinion or lack of it. She just loved her husband and enjoyed being his sugar baby for life.

(On a lighter note) Some ladies who insist on marrying young men are meant for older men and they know this, they just find it difficult to accept that their place is with the ELDERS!

Why am I laughing? Oh my!!

-GSW-