Alabaster 2

admin Apr 8, 2020 3500 0

So l gained admission into Lagos State
University in 1994 and while I was there
l met my boyfriend
At this time my Grandmother, who was a renowned
merchant in Lagos with connections met my
boyfriend who is a son of one of the prominent
royal families in Yorubaland
Note that my Granny was very wealthy and
prestigious and being from a royal family too
l think she liked that l was dating someone
of a known name in Lagos
She took a liking to my boyfriend immediately
and even told me that the boy is my husband
and that l should not be distracted by
phone calls from abroad because l was
contemplating dating one of her acquaintance's
son who was based in the UK
So my boyfriend used to visit my granny
His father too liked me so so much that
l sit on his leg when l visit their house
He calls me beauty and brains
Anyways on this faithful day my granny
asked me and my boyfriend to go to one old man
at Obanlede
The old man was one of her witchdoctors4
(she was very diabolical)
When we got there they prepared a whole
chicken and asked two of us to eat the
whole thing without breaking one bone,
thereafter we were asked to go a burial
ground and bury the bones and we did
just that
We had assumed we knew tomorrow
He loved me and wanted me for keeps
and so do I
We flaunted each other to the world
The love binder thing was like a secret
marriage in our hearts
Nobody knew what we did
But we had that bond that was beyond
words
We also had a strong sexual bond
Our relationship was strong but love was
not enough
I had strong financial needs as a student
which he couldn't meet
I was very pragmatic and believed then
in using what I have to get what I wanted
I slept with a lot of people, not for love,
but for money
The love binder thing drove him crazy with
jealousy
He would sometimes smell my panties
Sometimes he would flog me mercilessly
When we have sex, he was never tired
He would keep climbing the tree until
the tree becomes sore and weary
Eventually, we parted ways
The whole thing lasted ten years
As with any other relationship, it was
romantic at the beginning and later
became sour
We drifted apart until the whole thing
ran out of steam
He got married while I was serving
He hid the fact that he was married and
was still coming after me
That was the "tenth" year
I found out eventually and broke it off
Then I met my husband and also get married
I expected the effect of the charm to
have died a natural death
But I am not sure it did...
Sometimes, I still see myself in a dream
getting married to the guy I did the love
binder thing with
I see myself married to him
Being with him
Sometimes I have the dream with someone
else entirely
At a point, it became so disturbing
that I had to tell my husband
My husband is a good man but
that love binder thing did something
to me
Most times I do not desire my husband
I don't want him to have sex with
me
I do not have any form of chemistry or
longing for him
When we make love, no matter what he
did
I don't get aroused
It really became a big problem that so many
times he almost left me
I also feel like leaving him and walking
out of the marriage
The spark was obviously not there
The church has done a lot in keeping
my home from falling apart
My pastor counsels me and my husband
This has been of great help in moments
when things came to a head
My husband is a very loving, caring and
responsible person
A man no woman in her right senses would
take for granted
I know this and I know I can never do
better than him
And yet, It was as if my body betrays
my mind
Knowing what I desire but doing what
it desires
Although they were times the sex was
ECSTATIC
Oh very, when I put my mind to it
But most times I just feel put off by him
in a strange way
Do you know he never slept with me
until we got married?
Plus I'm three years older than my hubby
l told him from the outset, l didn't hide it
He was a virgin and I was not
And yet he honored my decision to
abstain from sex while we were courting
I feel he deserves so much better
Another thing is the fact that because of
the sexual issue l had flirted on the phone
with guys and even had sex phone,
but l have never slept with another
physically since my marriage
I must also admit i do some pornography
and masturbate once in a while
(The pornography was sometimes done
to get myself in the mood for him because
of our struggles sexually)
My husband is such a wonderful person
Although he has his own faults
When he's on me l get irritated most time
I guess that is the effect of the love binder
Sometimes I wish my husband will even
cheat so that l don't have to feel so terrible
He swore with his life that he has never,
imagine that
He loves and adores me more than life
I need help!
A lot of things had been mixed up
in my past, that seemed to have
handicapped me going forward
I know God is able and even though
I am forty-seven years old now
I believe in miracles!
The bitter waters of Mara can still become
sweet by the power of the Holy Spirit
I have been praying a lot about it in
recent times telling God to help me desire
and hunger for my husband the right way
I pray for God's help

PS: She lives in Lagos with her
Husband and two lovely daughters
She is also a daughter of Zion
With her struggles well documented
and her heart full of hope for a change
Jesus came for such as Her and I
Jesus came for you too
You have not gone too far
You have not done the unthinkable yet
The unthinkable is to die without Jesus
Come to Jesus today

GSW's Notes: The room grew still
As she made her way to Jesus
She stumbled through the tears
That make her blind
She felt such pain
Some spoke in anger
Heard folks whisper
There's no place here for her kind
Still on she came
Through the shame that flushed her face
Until at last she knelt before his feet
And though she spoke no words
Everything she said was heard
As she poured her love for the master
From her box of Alabaster
And I've come to pour
My praise on Him like oil
From Mary's Alabaster Box
Don't be angry if I wash His feet
with my tears
And I dry them with my hair
You weren't there the night
He found me
You did not feel what I felt
When He wrapped His loving arms
around me
And you don't know the cost
Of the oil in my Alabaster box
I can't forget the way life used to be
I was a prisoner to the sin that
had me bound
And I spent my days
Poured my life without measure
Into a little treasure box
I thought I found
Until the day when Jesus came to me
And healed my soul with the wonder
of His touch
So now I'm giving back to Him
All the praise He's worthy of
I've been forgiven and that's why
I love Him so much
And I've come to pour
My praise on Him like oil
From Mary's Alabaster Box
Don't be angry if I wash His feet
with my tears
And I dry them with my hair
You weren't there the night
He found me
You did not feel what I felt
When He wrapped His loving
arms around me
And you don't know the cost
Of the oil in my Alabaster box
Cece Winnans
Matthew 26: 6